u/Conscious-Pause2162

There are lots of posts about mom friendships and how hard they are, but haven't seen anything quite like what I am experiencing.

I have been trying for a couple years now to find my mom tribe. I have friends from pre-baby who are childless by choice as well as others with kids. But I realized with my "mom" friends the relationship lacked something -- geographic proximity, values alignment, whatever -- or I just felt us drifting like we're in such wildly different parenting circumstances it's just too hard to relate.

So I started searching for other mom friends to fill the gap, thinking eventually I'd find the perfect mom tribe. I tried Facebook groups, meetups, the Peanut app, and chatting with strangers at the library or playground. I made some "friends" but no one was checking all the boxes, especially in the department of reciprocity. Everyone relies on me to be the planner and sustainer of friendships, the emotional laborer. Unfortunately I have ADHD and I am probably hitting perimenopause with all my hormonal and emotional highs and lows so it's all a struggle to rely on me like that...

So I stepped back. I dropped ALL the balls across all the relationships this year. I also set some direct boundaries in certain cases. It was freeing. And I collected that data. And not a single person picked the ball up. Or, the people picking up the ball just aren't moms I really vibe with.

I can keep searching but I feel like I am hitting a wall and just need to "accept" people for who they are. Maybe I have one mom friend who is always down for a coffee break... as long as I plan it. Maybe I have a childless friend for the times I need to get away. Maybe I keep one mom around just because our kids get along and if we are bored I can set up a playdate. Maybe I have to guard myself against my longer term mom friends who I feel I have drifted from, but for now it is nice to have a couple people I can go "deeper" with if really needed because of the shared history while the rest of this is somewhat surface level.

The one thing I can't wrap my head around is how EXHAUSTING this is. Like first it's exhausting maintaining everything for everyone. Then, getting through the acceptance phase and realizing others won't pick up the ball consistently and that my mom unicorn friend idea is a myth is mentally exhausting. Is there a happy medium?

Anyone try this approach in just accepting everyone for who they are and having different friends for different purposes? Did you ever have your mom unicorn meet cute happen once you stopped looking? Help a girl dream!

This is worse than dating, I swear!

We are newer to the urinary SO diet and still trying to find what works for our girl. She seemed completely put off by Hills when she was on an antibiotic for a UTI. After that cleared and we did a round of Mirataz for low antibiotic appetite, she went HAM on Royal Canin Urinary SO diet and now she has WATERFALL level pee even if she's only eating a little bit of wet food. (She was previously clearing her dishes, even without Mirataz, but then I gave her ONE can of Purina's SO diet and now I think she is on food strike until I buy more lol.)

Anyway, we have automatic boxes with rake style scoopers (not a litter robot, an open box... SmartScoop I believe) and with her giant pees not all of it is getting picked up 100% of the time. Wondering if there is a better super clumping litter out there we should try.

Must be unscented or very faint. We use multicat litter even though she is now a solo bc the regular one has a scent she doesn't enjoy. She's always been scent sensitive and a little territorial/anxious. Going to try the Urinary SO Calm later.

Thanks for reading!

Like they won't make a special trip to come see you and your children, but if they're "in the area" for a few days (the dates are never cleared with you in advance) they want to stop by.

Like why is it never the other way around -- come see us for some visit where we negotiate dates, and just "stop by" to see those other people?