u/Conscious_Visual_146

In January, my partner broke up with me. Since then, it’s been about 8 months of ups and downs, tough moments, and better ones... But if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that not a single day has gone by where I haven't thought about her. Not necessarily thinking about getting back together—she simply popped into my head. During all this time, I always carried one specific fear: running into her. Ever since the breakup, we maintained strict zero contact. In my case, I unfollowed her, her friends, her family... just to make sure I wouldn't see anything related to her.

However, a week ago, while I was out with some friends, I ran into her. I went over to say hello, we hugged, and she asked if we could talk somewhere quiet. We spent 5 hours alone together, talking for the first time since the breakup. We talked about everything: what we’d been up to, how we were coping with the breakup... It was a really beautiful, deep conversation between two people who shared a very meaningful part of their lives. We came to the realization that both of us were still struggling, that people around us assumed we should be completely fine by now, but that breakups have their own timeline... Things that many of you in this forum already know. Finally, I drove her home, we hugged goodbye, she cried, she apologized, and I told her not to worry—that she had done what she felt was best at the time. Then I left. We haven't spoken since.

Why am I sharing this? Because ever since we met, I feel so much better. For a few reasons. First of all—and this probably happens to many of you without even realizing it—throughout all this time, I had been unconsciously idealizing her to an extreme level. When I saw her again, I realized this. I had imagined she’d be fully recovered, that she’d almost forgotten about me, about who I am, about our relationship, and that she was doing better than ever without me... Seeing that she, just like me, had bad days, bad weeks, and needed help from her friends, made me realize the whole movie I had created in my head.

On the other hand, after so much time, I was really surprised by my body's reaction. At no point did I feel the impulse to look for intimacy, kisses, physical contact... You know what I mean. I simply wanted to talk to her, see how she was doing, and hope everything was going well for her. It wasn't until running into her and talking that I realized all the work I had put in over these past months was actually paying off.

I’m sharing this because I find it interesting how I thought I was nowhere near getting over her, yet an event as potentially traumatic as running into the person who dumped you—and for whom you’re still hurting—turned out to be the exact turning point of my healing process. This doesn't mean I'm 100% recovered. I still have moments where I think "What if...", I still miss her, and I still wish I could get a hug from her during tough times... But time, combined with the work you put into yourself, definitely shows its results when you least expect it. Healing isn't a linear process, it's not the same for everyone, and I hope reading this can help you find that faith and hope if you're currently going through a rough patch.

I’m writing the post I’ve been wishing to write for months. Wishing to be at the point in my life where I could actually write this message—the kind of post that, when I used to read it from other people, I couldn't believe. I thought it was impossible. I thought I would never be capable of writing something like this. But here I am.

Everyone gets over their breakup. Some might take longer, others less time. But one thing is clear: you do get over it. Mind you, I don't consider myself 100% over my breakup, but looking back, I am infinitely closer to being fully recovered than I was before.

To offer a bit of context: I’m 22, and 6 months ago, my partner decided that our journey together had come to an end. She needed things I couldn't provide, and in her view, our personalities were incompatible (this was the reason for the breakup, even though I loved her and wanted to stay in the relationship). I respected her decision from day one, and we handled it in a healthy way. Her family said goodbye to me and showed me how much they cared for me, and my family did the same with her. Her friends cared about me, and mine about her. Even though this sounds lovely, I was completely shattered. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I believed she was the only woman I’d ever be able to fall in love with, that my life had no meaning without her. It was her or no one. To this day, I haven't been with any other woman, but that's simply because I don't consider myself ready to jump into a new relationship yet. Not because I’m still obsessed with her, but because I want to give myself a bit more time, get to know myself better, and be 100% ready when the right opportunity comes along.

As of today, we haven't seen each other in person, and I have no idea about her current dating or emotional life. If there's one thing I've learned from breakups, it's that often, it's much better not to know. Not knowing what they do, who they meet, what places they visit, if they go on trips, if they're meeting new people... So, my recommendation is to unfollow them on social media. This is one of the key factors. The less you know about that person, the fewer pictures of them you see, the better. Not because you hate them, but because the neural connections associated with that person need to fade away little by little.

The point is that, compared to the first few weeks and months, I am infinitely better. There hasn't been a single day yet where I haven't thought about her, but I know for a fact that my life is wonderful with or without her. That deep feeling of grief and anguish has disappeared. I think of her as a memory of what we were, of how fortunate I was to connect with someone that way, to love someone like that, and of the beautiful things life has in store for me in the future.

The breakup helped me realize how magnificent the people around me are—those who cared about me at every moment, hugging me when I needed it, listening when I had to vent, and putting up with me when I needed to cry. Often we live on autopilot, and things like this help us realize that, as cliché as it sounds, life is a gift, every day is a gift, and we are truly fortunate. Feeling nostalgia is a good thing; it means good things happened to you.

That's why I want to send a message of hope to everyone who feels like it's impossible to get over this. To those who feel they will never be okay again, that their life is over forever. I understand that pain completely: I’ve suffered it, I’ve cried through it, and I’ve had to fight against it. I might still have bad days and keep fighting it. But I assure you that with patience, doing things right, and surrounding yourself with people who truly love you, you will get through this. And not only that, but you will come out of it as better people than you were before the breakup.

I’m about 5 months out from a breakup. The last 2 weeks have been a bit crazy. I had a week where I was doing great, talking about the breakup without any issue, giving advice to a friend who just went through a breakup... I was so happy with how I was feeling, I truly thought I was reaching that long-awaited point of indifference everyone talks about. But these last few days have been really tough. I think about her (there hasn't been a single day yet where I haven’t thought about her), but it's not thoughts of 'I want to get back together' or 'I wish she were here right now.' It’s simply a feeling of sadness, of missing what I had, missing our mutual friends, the plans... it’s this ache of thinking about what could have been but won't be. When I see her group of friends post something on social media (I unfollowed almost everyone except for one mutual friend), I feel like I'd love to be there with them just like before. And it’s frustrating, because not only do you feel bad, but you also realize it’s already been 5 months. I don't mention it to my friends for this exact reason. The most common thought is, 'dude, it's been 5 months already, come on. Move on.' And I wish it were as easy as it sounds. You do all the work, you take care of yourself, you make plans, you focus on yourself, you worry about your future, you look after your friends and family... and even so, it is incredibly hard to get over the breakup.

I would love to not think about her. I would love to reach that point of indifference. I am more than open to reading any advice that might help. In the meantime, one day at a time, and I'll keep doing things right. Stay strong, everyone!

I am writing this in case it can help someone, and in case someone can help me. You can learn from everyone here.

I have more posts on this forum, but long story short, my ex broke up with me over 4 months ago. Completely healthy breakup (I wanted to keep trying, but I fully respected her decision). We have only spoken twice via WhatsApp since the breakup—once for a family matter and once for my birthday (she wished me a happy birthday and I thanked her).

First of all, I am not fully recovered, and I still have a way to go. I know many friends who, after a long relationship (mine was 4 years, I’m 23), have already been with other women. I’m the type of person who believes I need to be well-recovered from my breakup to be the boyfriend the next person deserves.

Because of this, I recommend that you don't compare yourself to your friends or other breakups around you. Everyone has their own pace, their own stages, and their own process for managing pain. It’s very easy to say, but I’m the first one to get overwhelmed when I get that intense feeling of pain, of missing her, of thinking that maybe I’ll never get over it, or that I’ll never feel this way about someone again...

However, you have to know how to put every feeling in its place. When the pain is at its peak, it’s easy to think you’ll never forget that person, but it is biologically impossible for your heart and mind to be thinking about the same person every single day for years.

A few pieces of advice I want to share: First, embrace the pain. What do I mean by this? If you are at home and you feel a very intense pain, a deep sadness, and you miss them so much... don't open TikTok to distract yourself. Stay right there, sitting or lying down, with your eyes closed, and feel the pain. Not for the sake of it, not because you are a masochist, but because it’s necessary. Feelings have to come out one way or another, and if you don't sit with them, they will come out in worse ways.

Do things that fulfill you, things that make you feel happy, even if you don't feel instant gratitude from them. Interestingly, since the breakup, I’ve started having experiences I’d never had before. I’ve started achieving professional goals I couldn’t even have imagined until now. In fact, her parents (my ex's) wrote to congratulate me. And I want to link this to another point: Be a good person. Be a good ex. Even if it hurts, having your ex’s parents care about you, congratulate you, and still hold you in high regard—even if it can sting and feel like rubbing salt in the wound—makes you see that you are a good person, that you make a good impression, and that you leave them with a beautiful memory. Because life is short, and you only get one. What better way to live than treating others well, making sure your company leaves them feeling more fulfilled rather than emptier.

And another piece of advice: Prioritize yourselves. In every aspect. In sports, in relationships, in friendships. Once you are happy with yourself, you are ready to make others happy. You have to love yourself first to love others.

I hope this text can help. Even though it might read beautifully, I want you to know that breakups are incredibly hard for everyone, and I am still hurting—though I like to think that, little by little, you learn to live with it.