I think loneliness has become my closest friend since getting sick
When I first got sick, a lot of friends came by. At the time, I don’t think any of us really understood how much my life was changing.They brought all kinds of things that they thought might make my life easier: hot compress pads, electrolytes, magnesium spray, compression socks, neck pillows, eye masks, herb tea, protein drinks, cooling stickers, soft blankets, massage balls, a notebook to record symptoms, and AUVON TENS device, because a friend remembers that I used to say that my muscles were tight after exercise. At that time, some things were even a little funny. But now everything reminds me of someone, trying to stay with me in their limited but sincere way.Hot compress pad reminds me of my friends who used to run together. Massage balls remind me of people who used to drag me to the gym. Protein drinks remind me of that gym bag that I haven't touched for a long time. Even those small recovery devices will remind me of my sore self after exercise, instead of my tired self just living now.I miss the days when I could casually promise others to go out.I miss running, miss lifting weights, miss complaining about normal muscle soreness. I also miss the life where I don't have to calculate how much this will cost my body before making a plan.I don't blame others for slowly moving away. Life always goes on, and I know it's hard for others to understand a disease that makes your world smaller and smaller. But sometimes when I look at these "useful little things" in the room, I feel that they are like a small museum, collecting my old life.I don't know when it started, and loneliness is no longer like something that comes to visit me occasionally. It became the only thing that remained.