u/Constant-Dig6350

Has your friend circle become smaller after getting into a relationship?
Ever since I got a boyfriend, I barely hang out with my friends anymore. Most of my close friends are guys (one of them is gay), and we've known each other for years with nothing romantic involved. My boyfriend says he feels uncomfortable and can't feel at ease when I hang out with them, so over time I stopped seeing them. I even told my friends honestly that it was because my boyfriend was jealous.
What's confusing is that some of my female friends actually agree with him. They say they'd also find it weird if their friend studied one-on-one with a guy while either of them was in a relationship, and their own boyfriends feel the same way.
Is this just a normal part of being in a relationship? Do most people's social circles naturally shrink, or is this more about jealousy and boundaries? I'm genuinely curious about different perspectives.

I’m a ‘23 F’, my bf is ‘26M’
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years. He is a very good man—he was the one who pursued me, and he worked very hard to win me over. We have shared many happy times together, save for certain disagreements regarding our differing views. For instance, he wants me to be exclusively his; he gets jealous whenever I go out with a mixed-gender group of friends, or even if I simply text or meet up to study with a male friend—situations that trigger his intense anger. These conflicts have plagued us ever since we first started dating. I confided in a few friends about this, and one of them suggested that I need to be more understanding and empathetic toward him—particularly in situations where I am studying in the company of other men. There have been numerous occasions where we were on the verge of breaking up, only for him to come back to me and beg me to take him back; similarly, whenever we have an argument, he is always the one to reach out and apologize. However, none of that really matters when, as a result of these issues, those friends have drifted away, and we can no longer hang out together as naturally as we did before I started dating him.

Recently, since starting university—a much larger and broader environment—I’ve met some wonderful friends. I’ve had opportunities to socialize more, and they often invite me out to hang out or grab a meal. However, my boyfriend feels uneasy about this; he doesn't want me going out in groups that consist solely of guys. I actually do understand his perspective, but we are in a professional academic setting, and those friends are incredibly respectful and genuinely good people. Over time, my boyfriend and I began arguing more frequently, and my feelings started to shift. I found myself wanting to dedicate my time to my studies and my friends rather than talking or opening up to my boyfriend, largely because he seemed to be sulking or getting upset with me constantly. Not long after that, I developed feelings for one of the friends in my group; I felt he was mature, a genuinely good person, and attentive to others' feelings—qualities that made me feel warmth and comfort. Eventually, I sat down with my boyfriend and told him that I didn't think I loved him anymore. I asked to break up, though we got back together shortly thereafter. I tried my absolute best not to do anything that would make me a "bad person" or lead to me cheating on him. Despite our arguments, my boyfriend is, at heart, a very good man; he buys me flowers every two weeks, looks out for me, and does everything I ask of him. I confessed to him that I had feelings for someone else. He told me he would need time to think things over, but after seeing me weep with remorse over my shifting emotions, he ultimately forgave me. Lately, however, I’ve been feeling conflicted again—like I’m stuck in limbo. I still have a great time when I go out with my boyfriend, but whenever I run into that other friend, it triggers a train of thought, and every time we interact, I find myself experiencing those same feelings all over again. It’s giving me a massive headache, and right now, I honestly have no idea what I want.

You can judge me however you like, because I know I’m not exactly a good person. I know that what I’m doing is wrong, and honestly, I didn’t even think he would still want me or want to be with me—yet he does. Everyone around me knows that he truly loves me—and loves me even more than I love him. But these thoughts just keep swirling around in my head; I feel both guilty and exhausted. Yet, we share a deep level of attachment—he helps me with absolutely everything—so a part of me feels like I simply cannot do without him. Please, tell me what I should do!?.

TL;DR: I'm a 23F, my boyfriend is 26M, and we've been together nearly 3 years. He’s loving and caring, but very jealous—especially around male friends—and it’s strained my friendships. Recently, I met someone new at university who makes me feel happy and understood. I’ve confessed my feelings to my boyfriend, and he forgave me, but now I’m confused: I enjoy my boyfriend but still feel drawn to this other person. I feel guilty, conflicted, and exhausted. How can I figure out what I truly want, and what’s the right thing to do for both of us?