u/Cool_langsaheight

Hi guys!!

27, QA. Single for 5 months.

Looking for someone i can talk to or if God’s will more than chat.

No cares with age as long as we are vibe, why not.

Hi everyone!

I'm going to make a post about the things that helped me the most in order to take my life back and become more optimistic about life. I'll also mention some suggestions about things you can improve during those dark moments after a breakup.

It's been 2 months and a week since my breakup. I was with my girlfriend for 3.5 years. It was a pretty solid and good relationship. We were going to move in together 2 days after she broke up with me, so it was pretty dramatic for me.

I just say this so all of you know that I was in a really dark place for almost the entire first 2 months. I thought that I would never be the same person after this traumatic event and that I would always miss her with a great pain in my chest. I can honestly say that now I'm pretty optimistic. I still miss her sometimes, but I can now see why this happened, and I can learn many things from this traumatic event in my life.

Things that helped me the most:

1. No contact.

I did this very strictly, and so did she. We never talked again after day 0. I made it clear to her that I would not write to her under any circumstances, since she was the one who dumped me. I also asked her not to write to me unless she wanted to come back with 100% certainty and was willing to make big changes in order to improve the relationship.

So I think it's important to make the no contact boundaries clear during the breakup conversation.

2. Don't hide your emotions from your loved ones.

Share everything that's on your mind during those periods. If you keep everything to yourself, it will eat you alive. You need to let it out.

3. Don't spend too much time alone, especially at the beginning.

For me it was essential. I was terrified of those moments of loneliness. Text any friend, family member, go to the gym... anything that keeps your mind occupied will help.

4. Start journaling.

It might seem weird, but this is one of the things that gave me that switch in my mind. I wrote every day, and I still do.

It's amazing when you read back what you wrote at the beginning of the breakup. Whenever you feel that you're not moving on, just go back to those first days and read everything. This will give you a lot of perspective, and you'll notice how you've transitioned from one stage of grief to another.

It's simply amazing.

5. Go to therapy.

My ex is a psychologist, and I used to go to the clinic where she works. I was doing therapy with her boss, and I still go there.

I used to go every week, and now I'm going every 2 or even 3 weeks.

I'm doing EMDR therapy. It's been extremely helpful. this therapy helps you process everything about the grieff and the relationship that is trapped on your subconcious mind.

6. Don't set aside your hobbies.

I'm grateful because I always had many hobbies, and my life was full before the breakup.

That said, I spent almost every weekend with my ex. At the beginning of the process I forced myself to keep doing those hobbies, but for the last 3 weeks I've actually been looking forward to the weekends to have fun, and I'm excited about every plan my friends and I have in mind.

7. Work on yourself.

I think this is one of the most important parts if you want to move through the grieving process as fast as possible.

Identify some things that you've always wanted to improve but never did because you were in your comfort zone.

Now it's time to face those fears and weaknesses.

For me it was being disorganized. I always struggled to keep my car, my room, or my workspace organized.

Once you start improving those things, they'll give you a boost in confidence that will make your life much better. Not only because they're positive changes, but because the way you see yourself improves. You'll start believing in yourself much more.

8. Fake it till you make it.

This was crucial for me.

At the beginning it's completely normal to feel like shit and act like it. In order to process grief, it should be that way.

But there comes a time when you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

You have to start acting as if you've already gotten over the breakup.

Once you start acting that way, you trick your mind, and eventually your mind and body start to feel much better.

This took me about a month.

A month ago I started telling myself that I was already over this situation. I also told myself that I was an optimistic person and the kind of person everyone wants to be around.

I started acting like that, and now it feels natural.

I also told myself that I was confident, and I started acting that way. Little by little, my confidence started to build naturally.

It might sound weird, but it worked for me.

Of course there will still be days when you won't feel like it, but that's the challenge. Stick with it long enough and you'll notice big changes in your life.

9. Don't be afraid to meet someone new.

Don't chase another relationship just to cover the wound from the breakup.

But if someone comes into your life, don't push them away.

Don't compare them to your ex. Compared to a long relationship, that new person will always lose.

And you don't even need another relationship. It could just be sex, a summer fling, or whatever.

That happened to me last week, and it helped me a lot to feel desirable again.

Of course there will be days, and even weeks, when you'll feel down again.

But I truly believe that if you follow these steps, your recovery process will be much shorter than expected.

And if you don't feel strong enough to implement these things yet, take your time.

But I wouldn't stay in the pain for too long.

You've got to keep moving forward.

YOU WILL BE A BETTER HUMAN.