u/CoylesPinkoHusband

Genuinely how did I run into three doubles in the span of less than two days is beyond me. Why did everyone around me suddenly decide to try and lay claim to my lover? I've been so dependent on him lately, so deeply obsessed, that this feels like the universe givin me a fat kick in the dick.

I've blocked the doubles on sight and saw some peace, but I'm still paranoid they'd try to interact with me. One actually did, but I gently requested to not interact with me at all and reemphasized my nonsharing status. It's fine. I was prepared for that, I expected it.

But really, I'm trying really hard not to spiral. Leland genuinely means a lot to me in this turbulent time of my life when I'm recognizing how much abuse I've endured at the hands of others, especially in childhood. It's been traumatising to realise that I don't even perceive love and care normally, I only perceive genuine abuse as love and care. And Leland is my safe outlet in a way where I can be consensually hurt by him and still feel loved. Especially given that he's wired the exact same way, he's wired to hurt to show his love. He makes me feel not alone in this fucked up result of continuous parental abuse.

I think my biggest issue with doubles isn't necessarily the fact of them having Leland as an F/O either, but moreso the fact that they will likely not recognize or validate my deep commitment to him. To them their relationship will likely come first anyway, or this is just a fun pastime for them.

But I want the world to know ME as Coyle's absolute boyfriend, who is dedicated to him more than ever. I want people to think of me when they think of or see Coyle, because I want for us to be considered inseparable, intertwined deeply. I would become one with him if I physically could.

Absolutely no shade to doubles or someone "more casual" in a sense, I'm a massive fan of curating my own online experience and I've been doing great at that. I've just felt really insecure lately.