u/Cr0ss0ver

My Life Story

A little introduction.

A Just made a post and fell into bad Habits and lashed out.

TL;DR

I was a Bit of a dick all my Life because I felt like an extrem underachiever. Online Troll. But I am turning my Life around 180 in a speedrun. I never thought of myself as a Genius always as a loser. I was always good at everything and mastered nothing. I am changing my Life but still have self doubts. The Text ist a Bit messy because of my mind. I am searching for people who maybe expirienced the Same.

What I want to say in my awkward way is that I Had something like an awakening. I will try to explain it. I was always a angry Person. I argue with people online and Always get annoyed at people easily. But what I want to say is something positive.

I am starting so turn my Life 180 at the moment and I want to find people who went through the same. But its hard. I want to explain what I am going through and you can judge. Sorry it will be a Bit chaotic.

My mind is a any given moment of my Life going 200 I can Stop the thought for a few Seconds Up to a few minutes but it is incredibly overwehlming when I dont think. I notice every Detail. I never Had to learn for anything yet I made it to university where I dropped Out because I couldnt learn. I never knew how. I have a steady relationship even thought I am a Bit of a dick. I Love her and we are together for 12 years. I make a lot of Jokes and dumb comments but I never make them hurtfull and she luckily shares my Humor its a perfect Match. But I Unleashed online. I was basically a Hardcore Troll. But only in Games. Here I was just the annoying dick. But I havent done it in a while because I was busy. I created I Organisation System that fits me. I have Notebooks so I can physically Limit myself. 1 Page for a day 1 for a week. 1 Notebook per Project. My Chaos stopped. I can Work in parallel in several Projects. I am doing something for A and have a thought for B. Boom Switch notebooks. I can let my brain flow Out on paper. A physical limitation. I quit my Job recently and started a company. Its going pretty good so far. I luckily saved Up some Money because I Always was good with Money and grew Up pooras a Migrant.

But thats Not all. Thanks mostly to my girlfriend how is incredibly emotional I explored that Side to. I noticed behaviour patterns why I do Things. I started correcting them. I lashed out because I was frustrated and angry at the world. Imagine my Situation. Everyone Always told me how smart I am. As a Kid I got tested but it was for disability. I was incredibly Bad at German. I am a russian Migrant who Fell through the Cracks of the system. They Said I have a Reading disability but basically the posibility of hpi. But my parents could barely speak German and Nobody cared. So I never got the help I needed. I achieved a somewhat succesfull Life but in my head I always know everything. I understand everything at the First time. And because of the I am an incredibly perfectionist. If you never Had to learn for anything 80% of your Life you dont know how to learn. I am a Classic Jack of all trades, master of none. I tried an incredibly amount of Hobbys in my youth and was good at every single one. But I never mastered any. Because I hate Repetition. In my head I finished it. I know how it works. I Player guitar for a week and was decent. I knew all chords could Play a few simple Songs. But in my head I Had those incredibly songs which you can only achieve after years of Work and I dropped it. And now I am starting to learn how to do it. I changed my behaviour to Work in Things I want achieve. Ok you cant learn we Change to what you can. My brain craves Input at all Times. So I Set a Goal and than Go analytically through how I get there and what I need. I dont learn an entire profession like learning how to cook, I want to make this dish so what do I need for it. Knowledge build through Reputation.

And I know this Sounds Like a made it all Up and try to boast but I dont. My girlfriend is the polar opposit. She is the Classic deer in headlight Person. I am really sorry for how I often was a dick because she needed more time to react and for me Seconds feel like minutes. But I think that she is incredibly smart. So recently we started exploring how we think and why we do things and she has Bad metacognitivity. She needs to think what she does. One time she chased our dog who Ran on the street while having both hands full grocery. She never thought ahead to Put them down. I dont think she is any dumber than me. She has an incredible Work ethics and excells in the Things she does she Just needs longer to understand but thats Not her fault Like its Not my achievement that I can do what I do. I was born with it and I was an incredibly failure for 35 years of my Life because I never got a guide to my brain.

And basically every single aspect of my life is better. I share my thoughts with my girlfriend and am slowly opening Up. I was always very closed Up stoic Person. I am less annoyed at people because they dont know better. Some people are in the moment. I am way relaxter. I Switch between times for Work and when I turn of. But I Always have a Notebook for ideas to write them down. I Take creative Sessions without any form of digital Input. I started going on our terrace now since it got warmer. When its raining and I turn my head of its incredible. All the Input Sounds smells vision Feeling the rain.

This all happened over 2 month. And I feel really good. I am relaxed Things are going well the relationship is better but I still have so many self doubts. Failing at EVERYTHING I every tried for my Standards and now Feeling Like success I am afraid its going to collaps. There is always the voice you will fuck it Up one way.

If you have expirienced anything like that or know anyone that has please contact me.

And yes I am going to a shrink but I am searching for real Life expirience.

This is Like the 4th subredit I Post it in. I hope I can get Help Here I search for likeminded people.

A little introduction.

A Just made a post and fell into bad Habits and lashed out.

TL;DR

I was a Bit of a dick all my Life because I felt like an extrem underachiever. Online Troll. But I am turning my Life around 180 in a speedrun. I never thought of myself as a Genius always as a loser. I was always good at everything and mastered nothing. I am changing my Life but still have self doubts. The Text ist a Bit messy because of my mind. I am searching for people who maybe expirienced the Same.

What I want to say in my awkward way is that I Had something like an awakening. I will try to explain it. I was always a angry Person. I argue with people online and Always get annoyed at people easily. But what I want to say is something positive.

I am starting so turn my Life 180 at the moment and I want to find people who went through the same. But its hard. I want to explain what I am going through and you can judge. Sorry it will be a Bit chaotic.

My mind is a any given moment of my Life going 200 I can Stop the thought for a few Seconds Up to a few minutes but it is incredibly overwehlming when I dont think. I notice every Detail. I never Had to learn for anything yet I made it to university where I dropped Out because I couldnt learn. I never knew how. I have a steady relationship even thought I am a Bit of a dick. I Love her and we are together for 12 years. I make a lot of Jokes and dumb comments but I never make them hurtfull and she luckily shares my Humor its a perfect Match. But I Unleashed online. I was basically a Hardcore Troll. But only in Games. Here I was just the annoying dick. But I havent done it in a while because I was busy. I created I Organisation System that fits me. I have Notebooks so I can physically Limit myself. 1 Page for a day 1 for a week. 1 Notebook per Project. My Chaos stopped. I can Work in parallel in several Projects. I am doing something for A and have a thought for B. Boom Switch notebooks. I can let my brain flow Out on paper. A physical limitation. I quit my Job recently and started a company. Its going pretty good so far. I luckily saved Up some Money because I Always was good with Money and grew Up pooras a Migrant.

But thats Not all. Thanks mostly to my girlfriend how is incredibly emotional I explored that Side to. I noticed behaviour patterns why I do Things. I started correcting them. I lashed out because I was frustrated and angry at the world. Imagine my Situation. Everyone Always told me how smart I am. As a Kid I got tested but it was for disability. I was incredibly Bad at German. I am a russian Migrant who Fell through the Cracks of the system. They Said I have a Reading disability but basically the posibility of hpi. But my parents could barely speak German and Nobody cared. So I never got the help I needed. I achieved a somewhat succesfull Life but in my head I always know everything. I understand everything at the First time. And because of the I am an incredibly perfectionist. If you never Had to learn for anything 80% of your Life you dont know how to learn. I am a Classic Jack of all trades, master of none. I tried an incredibly amount of Hobbys in my youth and was good at every single one. But I never mastered any. Because I hate Repetition. In my head I finished it. I know how it works. I Player guitar for a week and was decent. I knew all chords could Play a few simple Songs. But in my head I Had those incredibly songs which you can only achieve after years of Work and I dropped it. And now I am starting to learn how to do it. I changed my behaviour to Work in Things I want achieve. Ok you cant learn we Change to what you can. My brain craves Input at all Times. So I Set a Goal and than Go analytically through how I get there and what I need. I dont learn an entire profession like learning how to cook, I want to make this dish so what do I need for it. Knowledge build through Reputation.

And I know this Sounds Like a made it all Up and try to boast but I dont. My girlfriend is the polar opposit. She is the Classic deer in headlight Person. I am really sorry for how I often was a dick because she needed more time to react and for me Seconds feel like minutes. But I think that she is incredibly smart. So recently we started exploring how we think and why we do things and she has Bad metacognitivity. She needs to think what she does. One time she chased our dog who Ran on the street while having both hands full grocery. She never thought ahead to Put them down. I dont think she is any dumber than me. She has an incredible Work ethics and excells in the Things she does she Just needs longer to understand but thats Not her fault Like its Not my achievement that I can do what I do. I was born with it and I was an incredibly failure for 35 years of my Life because I never got a guide to my brain.

And basically every single aspect of my life is better. I share my thoughts with my girlfriend and am slowly opening Up. I was always very closed Up stoic Person. I am less annoyed at people because they dont know better. Some people are in the moment. I am way relaxter. I Switch between times for Work and when I turn of. But I Always have a Notebook for ideas to write them down. I Take creative Sessions without any form of digital Input. I started going on our terrace now since it got warmer. When its raining and I turn my head of its incredible. All the Input Sounds smells vision Feeling the rain.

This all happened over 2 month. And I feel really good. I am relaxed Things are going well the relationship is better but I still have so many self doubts. Failing at EVERYTHING I every tried for my Standards and now Feeling Like success I am afraid its going to collaps. There is always the voice you will fuck it Up one way.

If you have expirienced anything like that or know anyone.

And yes I am going to a shrink but I am searching for real Life expirience.

Hello,

Is your consciousness always aware of yourself in the world?
I recently started evaluating why I do things in certain ways and have started comparing they way I think with my girlfriend and did a lot of reading online about topics.
I noticed difference in the way we think, since I only have 2 data points I wanted to ask a bit here.
Do you think about what you are doing or why? I red about Metacognition and it seems my Girlfriend doesn't have it constantly. No matter what I do, driving a car, cooking or cleaning I am always in my own world and think about what I do. We noticed that during assembling Ikea stuff. She turned things around and put them away, which I knew were done wrong for the next step.
She says she is always in the moment and is thing about what she is doing, like I need to tighten that screw, while I just do things and in my head I am already at the next step.
How do you all operate? I am just searching for more Data. Do you think about what you are doing most of them or why? Because for me its a 99 to 1 ratio more or less.
As a kid I was diagnosed with ADD and high potential. But I have the feeling I don't have ADD because a lot doesn't fit in a lot of points. My brain often drifts off because I mentally finished what someone said or something I red. While someone explains me something I get the concept and understand it, once I do that my brain starts going different places while I keep listening to that person.
I am sorry if I am wrong here but I am trying to figure out why I do thing the way I do them and I want more Data how people operate so I know if my way is normal or not and how to adjust it. Pretty knew to all of this.