u/Crayola-Bunny

I'm not a super interesting person I'll admit, but I've been pretty lonely lately. I'd love to just have someone I can chat with on occasion, maybe random updates about our days here and there? I often find myself with exciting news or things I find interesting but nobody to share with. Or need someone to just send some anxious texts to about things on my mind. And of course I'd be happy to do the same in exchange. I don't really play videogames much at all. My main interests are my pets and I also really enjoy collecting toys- I collect monster high/bratz and a variety of other toys. But I'm happy to talk about just about anything! I'm also actively trying to get my life together, and again have nobody to really talk to when I'm feeling low and discouraged. So errerr yea if anyone is interested lmk! :]

I'm pissed off at my boyfriend tonight because once again he has gotten drunk and accidentally hurt me. He acts like I'm crazy and overreacting for yelling at him, and is now icing me out. But this keeps HAPPENING. I've asked him nicely before many times to NOT rough house with me while drunk but he keeps doing it. He's accidentally poked me in the eye with a pool cue bruising it, many times has grabbed me and basically slammed me down, he shoves me, sticks his fingers in my ears, picks me up in the air and spins me around which because he's drunk usually results in me being DROPPED or thrown, Ive been dropped on my head etc. The type of stuff you would do rough housing with your friends, only thing is HE'S A 220lb man and I am a 105lb woman. IT HURTS. I can tell he's just "playing" but he's way too large to be "playing" like that WITH ME. I've been telling him to stop for years now but tonight was the last straw and I finally yelled at him. Now I'm the bad guy for "embarrassing" him in front of his friends and he tells me I'm just being a buzzkill and ruining the fun and he just wants to have fun and I never let him. I always "ruin" things by freaking out. So am I really overreacting here?

I'm at a loss here and have nobody else to talk to about this so I'm turning to reddit for their opinion on this situation. I'm not sure if I'm just overreacting or being jealous/possessive or if these are real warning signs and I should distance myself from this person.

So me (25F) have this friend (26F) let's call her Claire. We've been friends now for about 3 years and things for the most part have been good, we are probably each other's closest friends at the moment. To preface this all I've had a boyfriend (24M) ever since I met Claire. I first met Claire while working at the same place, at that time of first meeting her Claire had a boyfriend as well. We got closer while working together and at the same time things got complicated with her boyfriend. Long story short, she ended up getting with our boss (45M) while he was still married and breaking up with her boyfriend at the time. They essentially cheated on their partners with one another. Keep this in mind for my current day concerns.

Flash forward- me and her no longer work together, our boss was fired for obvious reasons. And she and him are still together present day. At the start of their relationship things seemed to be going well but in the last year she's let slip that things are deteriorating, he is being a bad partner and she is hurt by him but she doesn't want to break up with him because she is quote "Scared to be single after having a boyfriend for years". At the same time her relationship has been going down hill she's picked up certain behaviors and has done things that make me question if she is trying to scope out MY boyfriend. This is where I'm at a loss because I don't know if I'm simply being jealous and possessive or she is actually trying to make subtle moves towards my partner.

The red flags: For one when we first got together she had minimal interest in my partner but as the years have gone on she has begun increasingly pushing to hang out with him more/ all of us together. Fair enough, we hung out together she's my best friend he's my boyfriend why shouldn't we? Then the hangouts started being pushed more frequently. Then she wanted his number to contact him "just in case". We give her his number, I find out from him that she started messaging him to hang out without me to "pick out a present for me". I tell him I'm not comfortable with them hanging 1 on 1 so he politely tells her he thinks he'll be too busy. She continues to message him trying to schedule things without me and he decides to just not respond to her out of respect for me. 2 months ago- we go on vacation and she house sits for us, before we leave she asks for his "new number" because she assumes he changed it since he hasn't been responding to her. I give her the number again, but ask why she needs it. This is a fair question because it was a work/vacation- my partner would be working the majority of the trip whereas I was going to be entirely free and available for her to contact at anytime with concerns while house-sitting and she KNEW this. She said "well just in case". Sure whatever. I didn't push back.

Then to just speed run a few incidents: We all went swimming as a group, we had to climb a low fence about 4ft high to get in/out of the swimming area. On the way out- the group had climbed it - I climbed over- she and he were the only two left to climb it. Magically for some reason on the way out she "couldn't climb it" and asked my boyfriend to pick her up over the fence. I watched this happen- said nothing have never brought it up to her to this day. But am bothered that she got over the first time alone just fine, she was not injured etc. And she is 5'7", everyone else had no issues and many were shorter than her

She once got too drunk at a party but she was our ride home, so my partner abstained from drinking and drove us home in her car. I asked her to sit in the back with me, but she refused because it was "her car and she wanted to sit up front" and proceeded to talk to my boyfriend and blast her music while basically ignoring me the entire drive home. While I sat in the back. Again I said nothing. After these incidents among other things I basically started making it so she rarely hung out with my boyfriend. I didn't want to fight because I was sure I was just being a little jealous.

Well lately she has taken up baking as a hobby. Her boyfriend cannot eat most baked goods (allergies), she doesn't like sweets and she knows I'm not big into sweets either. So she asks me what baked goods my boyfriend likes. Or if I mention something he wants me to make him she suddenly has it made the next day and is bringing it by for him. To me this is weird. I also bought us both tanning pools recently because I have a private backyard and we've both been wanting to get tanner this summer. I told her since it's private we can wear much smaller bikinis to get better tan lines. She seemed so excited about this and we both bought micro tanning bikinis. Well I keep trying to schedule us a time to tan and told her noon-3pm would be best any day of the week EXCEPT Saturday and Sunday. I made this clear several times because those are the days my partner won't be working. I didn't tell her this but I'm uncomfortable with the idea of her walking around my partner in a micro bikin. DESPITE me making my schedule clear she keeps "forgetting" and asking me if we can do it "next Saturday" "this Sunday" etc etc Saturday/Sunday every WEEK. And I keep telling her I can't do weekends. She asks it so innocently and then when I tell her I can't she tells me she "forgot again".

Even though I've purposely tried to avoid her hanging out with him I'm obviously not taking it to the extreme we still see her at birthdays/baby showers etc. Or she'll come by for a little while to talk or drop things off etc and vice versa. But without fail if she KNOWS she's going to see my boyfriend it's always FULL FACE of makeup, hair done up, dresses to the 9's. She has gone so far as to ask me ahead of time what I'm wearing to certain events- me stupidly thinking she wants to match vibes with me at the event will tell her the truth. And if I tell her I'm "going casual, not doing makeup" she makes an extra point to do hers up. She's also been very pushy about learning details about our sex life, specifically what he likes. I thought this was all normal - just things girls talk about but lately I'm starting to get suspicious.

Please let me know am I being jealous/possessive/paranoid and blowing this whole thing up? Or are there things going on that I'm being oblivious to? Is she being a bad friend? Or AM I being a bad friend for assuming she has ill intent. I really cannot tell if I am being toxic and crazy here. Apologies for being long winded but this has been weighing on me heavier every year because it feels like it's getting worse.