u/Crazy_Dragonfruit_24

Earlier this month, I found out I had the BRCA2 mutation during a stage IV cancer diagnosis at age 32.

I don’t say this to scare you. I say it to encourage you stand up for yourself.

I’d had a normal breast exam in October and had never been recommended genetic testing despite a paternal grandmother with breast cancer and a father with lung and skin cancer (which my gyno and PCP knew about). My dad’s oncologist told him not to get tested because it could fuck up his life insurance, dad never thought to mention this, and no one gave the subject any more thought.

And now here I am. In the worst case scenario for a lot of people on this sub.

My doctor said my breasts were dense, probably I had a cyst, the mammo wouldn’t catch anything. I made her submit an order. Even after I was referred for a biopsy for a suspicious mass, I had to proactively demand genetic testing from my doctors, which I paid for out of pocket. At every scan, I was told I likely had fibroadenomas, even though I had a golf ball sized masses with ragged edges. I moved up appointments and showed up at radiology clinics waiting for cancellations. They said I was anxious. I thought the ultrasound tech was lazy with my armpits. I made them redo it. I was right. Infected nodes.

Every scan got worse. Two oncologists told me I would die in 10 years and there’s nothing else to do. I don’t think they’re right based on available research and finally found a doctor with a treatment plan that considers me as a whole person.

It is stressful, it is hard, it is awful.

But if I’ve learned anything from this mutation, it’s that more information is powerful, you have to trust yourself, and you have to be brave. I’m not a proponent of needless medical anxiety, but I’ve known my body better than anyone in this process and I’ve been right about everything. I don’t push when there’s no reason to, like I thought my brain MRI was overkill (it was), but if something feels off, please advocate for yourself.

If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. But let the mutation be the problem, not people who won’t listen to you.

I sincerely hope no one else ends up in my spot.

I’m 32 and was just diagnosed with oligometastatic IDC. My boyfriend found the lump the day after he asked me to be his girlfriend.

He’s such a sweet guy. He insists he’s not going anywhere. But, honestly, he takes my diagnosis and appointments so much worse than I do, and it’s making things harder for me to manage. He regularly mentions how my appointments make scheduling for work difficult, complains he’s always tired, and says he’s overwhelmed almost every day.

He comes to all important appointments (even when I insist he doesn’t have to). But he inevitably gets weepy and is never my rock. Afterwards, I feel like I’m managing him, his feelings, and our relationship instead of processing information from my doctors.

AND IM THE ONE WITH STAGE IV CANCER.

He’s not a bad guy or even particularly selfish generally speaking. He’s so cute, kind, silly, and good with my friends and my parents, and means so well. But I almost want to smack him and say “TOUGHEN UP. WE’VE GOT STUFF TO DO”, which I know sounds terrible, (I wish I didn’t feel that way).

Had we been together for years, we’d know how to work through conflict but we don’t yet and seem to have really different ways of dealing with grief. He wants to feel things, and talk about alllll of the emotional stuff. But I process my feelings by writing and reflecting privately, and externally feel better by being efficient, focusing on tasks at hand, getting good information, and making jokes. Of course, I have bad days, but I don’t necessarily think he should be having more than me.

I’m just trying to get through the final steps before starting treatment next week, and I’m so drained by all the talk about how hard this is for him.

He always says how proud of me he is, brags about me to his friends, really does show up, and makes sure I’m never alone (which is both sweet and also kind of irksome because I’m an introvert and find all the company overwhelming). He’s receptive to feedback. I think it’s ultimately workable.

It’s just that our relationship is so new. He met my parents at oncology appointments. He took me home from a biopsy and didn’t know where I kept my forks. Idk whether trying to navigate a new relationship while also trying to focus on treatment is emotionally working for me. It’s a hard situation on top of an impossible one.

I have a lot of support thankfully, and I really care about my boyfriend. But I think he needs more regular therapy or something because he’s stressing me out. I want to be compassionate, but I’m also annoyed.

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated?

It's not about the money.

Basically, I had a bone biopsy of my sternum last week and got a nose bleed that resulted in intubation. No one knows why. My fertility clinic doesn't have the capacity to intubate if something goes wrong.

The normal answer here would be to forgo the procedure if anything went wrong with anesthesia and schedule again for later in a hospital.

However, I'm a cancer patient starting treatment on Monday. So these eggs might well be my only shot at having biological children. Chemo kills ovaries for at least two years (I'll be 34), and I'll have to be on hormone repression forever (I'm stage IV) so it would be dangerous to undergo IVF even if my eggs survive the chemo.

I'm inclined to go forward with the retrieval without anesthesia. Obviously, not ideal but if this is my only shot at biological kids, fuck it, we ride. I could do Xanax and Benadryl.

Anyone done this? How bad was it? What would you compare it to?

Are there any like wig share programs? I’ve got some nice ones and want to give them to other cancer girlies and have some other friends that do, too.

Hi. lol I’ve got the pleasure of being a cancer patient undergoing IVF and need to travel to a cancer center by plane this week. Two questions:

1. Does anyone have recommendations for insulated lunch boxes to keep my meds ok?

2. Does anyone know what TSA’s protocols are for traveling with fertility meds?

Thanks a bunch!

I’m 32, I’m scared, and still waiting on my treatment plan.

Two days ago, I was finally diagnosed. At every step statistics and imaging suggested this was not as bad as it is.

“You’re young it’s probably a cyst, let’s get imaging done”

“Oh, you’re young, the mass is probably a fibroadenoma, the others aren’t suspicious, at least there’s nothing in your armpits.”

“Oh it looks like it is in your armpits, let’s biopsy everything to be safe, but they’re not terribly inflamed”

“All biopsy markers are positive, I guess it’s good it’s just stage two. No evidence of spread elsewhere. We treat stage 2 in your age group successfully all the time.”

“MRI shows it’s in your mammary glands, your nodes, your breast, and there are some suspicious spots on your sternum, but it could be an imaging error. It’s very hard for cancer to spread.”

“PET Scan: Stage IV bone metastasis confirmed.”

On my left side, I’ve got oligometastatic IDC in three masses in my breast, a sort of inchoate part of the breast, two nodes in my armpits, my mammary glands, and a few small spots on my sternum. Nothing in my chest wall as of now. Have done MRI, PET, doing a bone biopsy next week.

ER+/PR+/HER-

I’m currently freezing my eggs and it feels pointless. I’ve got to wait ten days for my genetic testing to come back. So far oncologists have been using curative language but I just feel so sad. I feel like I won’t get married or have kids or grow old with my partner or see grandkids or become the kind of lawyer and person I hoped to be. There are trips I want to take and books I want to read. I don’t know. It’s hard not to feel like I’m fucked and life is over. But I also know I’m at the beginning of a journey in the middle of the hardest part. It’s so hard and it sucks.

Any encouragement appreciated. I’m trying so hard to be strong for the people around me and feel like I’ve had no time to process what’s happening because of all the logistics. I really really really want to be beat this and live a normal life. But idk, feeling kind of hopeless tonight.

I am 32, and I have been diagnosed with stage IV oligometastatic IDC. My doctors are speaking still in curative terms, and I’m terrified but ready to fight. In some ways, I’m glad it’s happening to me and not others, but lord if you believe in any God please ask him/her/them to give me strength and courage through this.

It’s going to be a long road, and it’s uncertain. But I’ve got great care in motion (I live in NYC and my family is in Houston), insurance, good financial resources, and amazing support. I keep saying it’s the best worst case scenario. I’m discovering deeper parts of my soul and trying to find joy and humor in all of it. I just feel so bad for my mom.

If anyone has words of encouragement, mottos, or scripture (of any faith) that helped them on their hardest days, I’d so appreciate you sharing. I’m not ignorant to my situation, but I’m a positive person by nature and trying not to let this disease infect that, too.

This sucks. But I’m a doer, and I’m ready to do everything I can. God bless you all.

32 & pissed to be here. Stage 2 regional IDC in my left side. Feel like I’m at AA or something.

Anyways, does anyone have bras with frozen components that they like? I’m tired of holding peas on my boob.

Tbh anything else that made you more comfortable during radiation, chemo, mastectomy, reconstruction, etc. would be appreciated. It’s looking like a long road. Can’t really believe this is real.

Update in other post. The people in my life are being delusional with their positivity and aren’t having my rants, so I’m coming here. Apologies in advance for the cussing, but it seems appropriate in light of the circumstances.

My biopsy appointment, miraculously, exceeded even my worst expectations. ✨

The radiologist told me my main mass (3.2 cm now) is growing and almost certainly cancer. She redid my armpit imaging, and bam! surprise! “suspicious” nodules with .5 cm cortisol thickening the first tech missed 🫠 They biopsied them, along with the main mass and some other spots previously deemed “not suspicious.” (They’re suspicious now, ladies!!!).

She looked me dead in the face and started talking about treatment options. She and gyno said I will have to get the main mass excised no matter what. Mostly, it hurts, but also, long family history of breast cancer on my dad’s side. My grandma and all her sisters. No girls except me in the next generations. (ha! ha! ha!). Bottom line: can’t leave that thing in there.

I’ll wait for my official biopsy report before joining the other sub but, at the strong recommendation of my doctors, I got genetic testing and have an appointment with my ~oncologist~ scheduled early next week (but fr, praise god for doctors who take you seriously! Angels!)

I’m not spiraling about my armpits and other masses yet but, anyway you slice it, this is a damn shit situation. I’d love to be surprised, but I’m not really hopeful for benign results, at least not for the big boy. Nevertheless, my friends and family are like “We don’t have a report yet! don’t be so negative!” Lmao. Okay. Let’s just deny the statistically probable reality …. As the Biebers would say, “it’s not clocking to you yet!!!”

So, while I wait with these well-intentioned dingos and try not to terrify them with more talk of pleomorphic micro-calcifications, I’d just like to say somewhere, with my chest, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I’m not even terribly scared. I know it will suck, but treatments are good and the support is already amazing (if not a little too chipper at the moment). It’s mostly just that you don’t expect this shit at 32. I’m in a new relationship. I just started a new job. I moved to a new city a year ago after a terrible break up. I spent a week last summer in the hospital after a spinal injury and couldn’t walk or sit up for MONTHS. I recovered. I was excited to put it behind me and start fresh. I wanted to have a fun summer. The Knicks are in the Finals!!!! Now, at the very least, I’m going to be back in MRIs and surgery, if not chemo and radiation. I’ll beat this, and it’s going to be fine eventually BUT WHAT THE HELL.

Look, I know this isn’t as bad as some people have it. Everyone on this sub has a story. Some of you have young kids, parents to take care of, comorbidities, and a million other things that give your grief unique shape. My heart goes out to all of you, truly. I can’t imagine how you must feel, and I don’t want to suggest my situation is uniquely terrible or worse than anyone else going through this. It’s really not.

But multiple things can be shitty at once, and I just want to take up some space to say, very respectfully, THIS FUCKING SUCKS. IT REALLY FUCKING SUCKS. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. WHAT THE FUCK.

Earlier this year, I navigated a complex medical issue by myself (being alone in the hospital for multiple days is brutal), which really annoyed everyone in my life. Everyone was like “why didn’t you tell us.”

Now, I’m going through the biopsy process and was told in a follow up that I’m going to need my mass excised and should almost certainly do genetic testing whether it’s cancerous or not. I’m hopeful it’s benign but, whatever the case, the road is a little spooky and possibly long.

I’m in a new relationship (couple of months) and my boyfriend has been nothing but supportive (as have my family and friends). But I’m sort of wondering if people could share their experiences with navigating this stuff with romantic partners, family, and friends. I want to lean on my support system, but I don’t want to overburden anyone.

Of course, I know I should be able to talk about it with close people, but I don’t feel like I should be dropping the news at happy hour or sharing every scared thought. People say they want to know and help but idk I am skeptical of that for whatever reason and curious where the line is.

Any thoughts on this?

Posting here because I don’t want to burden my friends and family or worry them more than necessary but need to write out my experience.

32F. Classic scenario, my boyfriend found a lump, and asked if that was normal. I have extremely dense breasts and a history of cysts, so logically speaking, I wasn’t super concerned but on some deeper level I felt something was off and started crying. Can’t explain why.

So, when I went to the gyno for an IUD check the next week, figured I’d have her do a breast exam just in case. She referred me for a mammogram and ultrasound but said it was probably just a cyst. Still wasn’t crazy worried logically but felt something off in my bones. No logical reason, just a feeling.

Got to radiology appointment. Mammogram tech did my right side and looked bored. When she started looking at my left side, her eyes kind of opened wider and she asked if I had trauma to my chest. I asked why she asked, she said sometimes trauma can mimic malignancies. Ultrasound tech similarly seemed bored and was chatty while on right side. But then got very quiet at the left side.

Report came back with a 3 cm mass on the left side. Gave it BIRADs 4B:

At the mammographic and palpable area of concern 12 N3 is a heterogeneously ill-defined margin hypochoic lid nodule with a scattered cystic component, with the cyst containing calcifications, measuring 31 x 14 x 18 mm and a well-defined ovoid hypochoic nodule 4 and 6 measuring 10 × 4 x 8 mm and well-defined degenerative cyst 4 measuring 6 mm and additional adjacent 6mm nodule respectively. No axillary lymphadenopathy.

In the deep third portion breast 12:00 is a loose grouping of primarily spherical coarse microcalcifications with several pleomorphic microcalcifications noted as well.

Have a biopsy scheduled for next week. Paternal grandmother had breast cancer at 42. Not getting ahead of myself until we have report back, but my gut says there’s going to be a longer road here, even if not with this specific mass.

Any similar stories or encouragement would be appreciated. The waiting sucks. Dad and boyfriend are going to come with me to biopsy.

I am renting a Turo and swiped a pole backing out of a parking lot (ugh). There is some paint damage/scrapes on the body above the wheel well and on the rim. Within the hour, I took pictures, reported to Turo and the host. I have the standard insurance plan.

Two questions from here: (1) am I liable for only up to $500 of damages? (2) do I get the car fixed at an auto shop or return it or do the host/Turo handle that aspect?

Happy to do whatever, just a little confused about the standard procedure and most posts about insurance on this sub seem to cover the host perspective. Appreciate any insight and don’t want to leave my host in a bad spot. Totally my mistake.