So I've just dumped my boyfriend because he's not who he said he was.

Some context: I'm vegan and have systematically made it my entire personality over the past decade, so you know I'm serious.

When we met two years ago, pickings were slim and it could be argued I "settled" but he seemed like a good guy at the time. I laid out my beliefs and requirements before we'd even exchanged our a/s/l and while he admitted he wasn't vegan, he was willing to try if it was so important to me.

Now, two years later, we had been living together in a fully vegan house, made of black bean burgers, with a fridge fully stocked with all kinds of vegan delicacies. Even our cat is fully vegan.

But I started noticing that late at night, after I'd gone to bed, he'd sneak out. It turns out he'd been sneaking out to eat big macs and beef tacos and rotisserie chicken in the car! RUBBING THE CHICKEN SKIN ALL OVER HIS FACE AND THE STEERING WHEEL. I even found an old wishbone in the back seat!

I'm so betrayed and hurt. EVERYONE KNOWS CONSUMING MEAT BASICALLY MAKES YOU A CANNIBAL.

And when I confronted him he said I was over reacting, especially when I compared him to Armie Hammer, but I KNOW I'M NOT. So I dumped him on the spot and set the car on fire.

I, at least, have the conviction to stick to my ethics and morals. He doesn't even have that. He told me I was crazy and left, but honestly the crazy person isn't the one pelting a man with falafel. It's the man who eats chicken nuggets with no shame.

He lied to me. He misrepresented himself.

A cheat day still makes you a cheater Greg.

Dinner is one bowl of dirt, foraged from my garden, some grass, a couple of flowers and one alpine strawberry plucked from the back of the fridge.

• watch as he stares with his neon yellow eyes

• his clothes are the finest quality but please ignore the patches

• same applies to the mysterious brown sludge

• don't look at his crown, is assuredly not stolen

• the sack of mystery churus may also contain rations from the mess hall

• submitted on behalf of CreativeBandicoot778 The Younger, Second of Her Name and Official Honorary Rat Girl

Listen up, campers! It is time to partake in the sacred, ancient ritual of our ancestors.

NIGHT TOAST: An ancient traditional girl meal, as our ancestors ate, and so now too do we eat in this time of hardship.

Get your hair straighteners out, bitches, and set them to high—we're making Night Toast.

Whether you're smushing marshmallows and chocolate between two slices of bread to make wholesome camp memories, or raiding the contents of your pockets looking frantically for your next Toasty hit... this is your moment to shine.

(And, uh, the TV remote is out of commission for the remainder of camp. I... needed to borrow some batteries, okay??!)

🐀 The Challenge

We want to see your most camp and utterly unhinged versions of Night Toast.

Need some culinary inspiration?

● Make a garnish of cat hair to sprinkle atop your toasty creation.

● Scrounge around the back of your sofa to see what malodorous articles you can forage for toppings.

● Use the forbidden heat of an appliance that definitely belongs in a bathroom, not a kitchen.

⛺ How to Participate

● Duration: This is a 1-day only event!

● Submit: Post a photo of your feral toast creation to the subreddit.

● Flair: You must use the dedicated event flair: 🍞Toastest with the Moastest🕯️✨

● Winning: The winner will be decided by pure democracy. The Night Toast post with the most upvotes at the end of the day takes the crown.

A massive shoutout to Camp Counselor u/CreativeBandicoot778 for this brilliant activity!

Now get to your cabins and make us some toast. May the best rat win! 🏕️🐀🥪

Submitted on behalf of my little rat child:

The three ghosts assemble. The Ghost of Midnight Snacks, The Ghost of Questionable Choices, and the Ghost of Reheated Shame.

An unholy trinity, if you will.

They may visit you at night and strike you down with insatiable snack hunger. Do not fight it. You will not win.

They always get their snacks in the end.

I present to you the traditional ritualistic altar of decay. A malodorous bunch of flowers, peak decay. One potato and his many, many eyes. An apple for serenity. One mysterious (possibly sinister) toad friend. One definitely sinister duck, expressing dominance over a neon pink candle, to summon health and prosperity. A picture of the three horsemen of chaos. One astrobot for good luck.

We'll all need it before the day is out.

Idk what to do. My husband of 2.5 weeks has announced he's leaving me for an AI anime character. We've just adopted a pet honey badger! And we have a 67-month old baby! I feel so blindsided and betrayed.

What does this bish have that I don't?!

He says he met her through work but howwwww does someone meet an anime character when working at the local pet cemetery? He says "she gives him life" and that they have "so much in common". Apparently she "gets him".

I've begged him to sit down and come to group therapy with our local hedge witch but he's refusing. All I want is a chance to work on things! Our family is still only starting out! Maybe I can change and get huge anime bazongas and an illogically small waist. Maybe I should let him shoot his jizz up in me so much it shoots out my ears like his anime girlfriend does.

I don't want to give up on this man yet! In spite of this one transgression, I know in my heart he's a good man.

Two plain waffles, one satsuma, 4 apple slices - absolutely forbidden to touch on the plate. One stracciatella yogurt.

Shan from @_pumpkinbakery on ig doing an excellent Bella Goth impression

It's official besties 💕💅

The opinionated ✨rat people✨ have spoken. By an enormous landslide of 90% the people have voted to ban AI slop on this sub.

The only slop permitted in the hallowed halls of GDCJ is girlie slop! From today, we will no longer allow AI slop on the sub. The Board have installed an AI detector bot to flag AI posts and these will be removed automatically by the raccoons we've hired to operate the bot.

We will not be manually reviewing these posts individually nor will we be wasting time arguing in comments or modmail about this, and the raccoons aren't known for being good at compromise. You've been warned.

If you see a post that you suspect is AI and has slipped through the net, please report it.

The Board thanks you for your participation.

GDCJ Mod Team

"Our dream girl. Happy 5th birthday, Lili 🤍"

Source: @meghan on IG.

I'm probably overreacting but I'm pretty sure all of my coworkers are in love with me. I'm not trying to be conceited or dramatic or anything but I'm pretty sure they are in love with me because I'm so beautiful and intelligent. I don't respond to their excessive compliments and gifts and requests for sex. I just want to be bffs with them all and their wives so that we can all be super close best buddies and I definitely don't encourage or lead them on. We're just super close but I definitely don't get anything out of all this attention.

And now this week a delegation of my coworkers' wives came in to work to talk to me and we all went out for lunch and we had a really nice time. They all complimented me so much (I didn't respond) which was really so nice but idk I'm second guessing myself because I think they might be doing it because they think I'm going to steal all their men - but I wouldn't do something like that. (I don't even have a crush on any of them! Even though if they weren't married and treating me like this I'd be soooo into it lol) And they've all been so nice to me since then that I think the wives might be falling for me too.

Here are some examples of the behaviours which I think raise some flags:

• they say hello to me in the morning and ask how I am (I don't respond)

• they make eye contact with me

• they've offered me candy when it's being passed around the office

• they sit near me and breathe

• sometimes they laugh at my jokes

• they remember my name

Idk maybe I'm just overthinking things. Hope things are rock solid in their relationships though!

Foie gras.

EDIT: Clearly some of you folks have no understanding of CULTURAL DIFFERENCES and how much of a super special princess I am. I don't respond. Stop saying that I do.

✨GOOD AFTERNOON ALLEY CATS✨

The Board has suddenly recalled we have Shit To Do and wishes to remind the local hot girl rodent population to vote on our First Annual Bicentennial HotRatGirl Summer Event (TBD).

Vote here, lest Sonion get his way once again.

The Board are not responsible for any tomfoolery, scallywaggery, carousing, hauntings, or any strange smells you may encounter as a result of voting.

Coming to you with vibes, sunburn, and strangely mucky feet -

(Note to self - buy sunscreen)

The Girl Dinner Board™️

So I've been engaged in a lengthy correspondence, operated by a weirdly complicated possum postal service - they offer a matchmaking side deal, it's *fine*, I'm just lonely and sometimes a girl just wants a warm tentacle to wrap around herself.

Anyway, this guy I've been writing to says he's actually super rich and famous in his country but idk if he's fr? We have so much in common (we both collect pocket lint) and the pics he sent me are so dreamy. But in his last letter he told me he wanted me to visit him. He said because he's so rich and important he will take care of all the arrangements and that I won't have to worry about a thing. My heart wants to say yes but my pet rock Leopold says I should seek advice. I tried asking the possums but they just threw cabbage at me. So, does he sound too good to be true? Should I be wary and bring Leopold for protection?

Sad salad with charred chicken and ~~sludge~~ roasted peppers.

You can watch the full interview here:

https://www.heart.co.uk/showbiz/prince-of-wales-william-interview/

So I'm pretty sure this bish - she's not *my* cat but she moved in like three doors down and I'm certain she did it on purpose just to fuck with me - is trying to steal my identity, my man and my whole life...

First of all, she's called Cat and I think she picked the name on purpose to fuck with me because my name is Kat. Plus she's taken to just showing up at my back door looking for attention at like the weirdest times, but lately I've noticed that it's especially when my man is outside working in the garden. She struts up looking for his attention and has even started rubbing herself against him like a common ho. Smdh.

And then things took a really weird turn. I have this like, super niche interest in bird watching and then I see Cat has suddenly developed this interest in birds. It just seems super convenient idk

But then this morning, I went out to screech at the clouds for a few mins and when I opened the back door there was a dead mouse waiting for me. I think this bish is trying to send me a message.

Idk what should I do? Should I confront her? Should we join the witness protection programme or something? Any advice appreciated 🙏 🙏

One whole mango and chocolate pretzel bark.

Source: princeandprincessofwales on IG