r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk

The wheat harvest was destroyed several times by some sort of blight! The local clergy are all aflutter about the "omens" and turn their faces inward whilst the populace prays and begs at the altar and gives over their pay to the offering boxes.

Entré moi, a realistic and modern woman.

I believe in pants for men *and* women, ipso facto I am currently wearing a split skirt frock for riding astride! I am literate in the sciences and mathematics, I have a beautiful herb garden out behind my hut, I did not marry a man and am now a spinster at 22.

I get by selling my teas and tisanes to the locals when the common physician's leech therapy and mercury treatments prove ineffective.

Sigh... Which makes me feel foolish to admit this. I was doing well at the beginning of the wheat famine, using my math powers to experiment with how much flour-to-sawdust ratio one's person can safely consume.

I stocked up and rationed economically. However, I regret to inform, I have run out of my store of safe flour.

Seen here were the only johnny cakes I could manage. This should be good for breakfast and tea but what shall I do for supper? I clutch my kerchief to my brow as I write, the faint sheen of moisture on my forehead might give away my distress.

I will have to purchase the millers flour now and I just KNOW they use plaster dust to cut their milled grains.

Oh, I do hope this famine will pass. I do not fancy plaster dumplings or delicate plaster tarts, much less a plaster johnny cake.

Any suggestions or recipes I can use to help make this not feel like I am eating the walls of my home appreciated!

when my daughter emerged from her father's duderus, she was already a star. she livestreamed her birth on tiktok, with an audience of 400k people sending her gifts and wishing her a happy birthday. she has 68m followers on Instagram and more brand deals than she knows what to do with. she gets so much PR, makeup, perfume, baby clothes, etc. it doesn't all fit in her nursery. she paid off our mortgage and bought us a bigger house because she wanted to "give back" to us for raising her all these weeks. she's the best 4 month old, even though she doesn't sleep through the night (she's always working!) and she does cry (but only on camera, to get more clicks/views!).

my sister in law, on the other hand, desperately wants to be an influencer but she can't seem to break into the industry. she only has like 1500 followers, and the only brand deal she's gotten was for a dog kibble company (she doesn't have a dog). my daughter has offered to collab with her and we've tried giving her some of the excess PR crap but my SIL just gets offended and storms off.

things came to a head recently during our podunk town's beautiful baby contest. my SIL has run unopposed for the last 36 years in a row... until this year. we entered our little baby and she won! but my SIL had a screaming meltdown, and according to my MIL, she has not stopped screaming/melting down since the competition 10 days ago.

is it my daughter's fault for being a better influencer and a cuter baby than my husband's 36 year old sister???

The poor lab tech was like “here! since you want cups so bad!”
Those are actually PRE-urine collector containers.

08-19-2026 // 🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️( 5 Candle Review)

—-

I went in for a restorative draught and was pleasantly surprised by the atmosphere.

It is dim with a haunting quality that caters to the downtrodden, melancholic women of the GDU.

They offer an outstanding selection of tinctures and pickle brines! I was in awe at the delicately compounded treatments.

Still, I brought a book and ordered a coffee at the bar. The apothecary wouldn't tell me what was in the foam, but I have decided that it is part of the experience.

Curious.

The coffee was strong enough to revive a fainting woman, and the milk was steamed to a most luxurious consistency.

Portions are well endowed and spiritually significant.

Unfortunately, I am now dependent on this establishment and will be returning tomorrow morning to complain about my nerves.

I would recommend it to other delicate girls with an unspecified condition.

Yours at girth birth,

The fair maiden who lives in the alley with 8 other maidens.

Gummies for dindins. Anyway, I feel like I'm drifting away from my friend group because I have grown out of being centered on men 💅🏻

Like how dare these other girls be happy with their relationships to the point where it's aaaallll they talk about and pressure me into finding a male 🤮 like I love my friends but don't they have a job or hobbies or any passion in life other than living for their "other halves" 😩

Gosh I hate men, they only bring drama and free labour and you know what the manhating script is, the usual

It's not like I am responsible for picking the men I date and need to be more discerning and learn to establish clear boundaries OF COURSE it's the men that's the problem and they have definitely infiltrated my social circle

Ugh how can I EVER cope like I don't know ANYONE likeminded even though I am really reeeaaally easy to be around and don't mope around all day and spend my entire time keyboard warrioring

Anyway, I am so much more enlightened and level headed than my friends 🙄

So I've just dumped my boyfriend because he's not who he said he was.

Some context: I'm vegan and have systematically made it my entire personality over the past decade, so you know I'm serious.

When we met two years ago, pickings were slim and it could be argued I "settled" but he seemed like a good guy at the time. I laid out my beliefs and requirements before we'd even exchanged our a/s/l and while he admitted he wasn't vegan, he was willing to try if it was so important to me.

Now, two years later, we had been living together in a fully vegan house, made of black bean burgers, with a fridge fully stocked with all kinds of vegan delicacies. Even our cat is fully vegan.

But I started noticing that late at night, after I'd gone to bed, he'd sneak out. It turns out he'd been sneaking out to eat big macs and beef tacos and rotisserie chicken in the car! RUBBING THE CHICKEN SKIN ALL OVER HIS FACE AND THE STEERING WHEEL. I even found an old wishbone in the back seat!

I'm so betrayed and hurt. EVERYONE KNOWS CONSUMING MEAT BASICALLY MAKES YOU A CANNIBAL.

And when I confronted him he said I was over reacting, especially when I compared him to Armie Hammer, but I KNOW I'M NOT. So I dumped him on the spot and set the car on fire.

I, at least, have the conviction to stick to my ethics and morals. He doesn't even have that. He told me I was crazy and left, but honestly the crazy person isn't the one pelting a man with falafel. It's the man who eats chicken nuggets with no shame.

He lied to me. He misrepresented himself.

A cheat day still makes you a cheater Greg.

Dinner is one bowl of dirt, foraged from my garden, some grass, a couple of flowers and one alpine strawberry plucked from the back of the fridge.

I really love my bf but he has been driving me crazy staying over every weekend lol. i know it’s because i want to have some alone time to myself after work but he’s almost been borderline stalking me 🫪 my coworker Dean-O (he would get so mad if I didn’t put the O in this post 😂)drops me off (he has such a loud car it literally is so embarrassing 🤪) at like 2-3am which yeah it’s pretty late but like I usually expect my bf (won’t put his name out of respect) to be asleep when I come in but every weekend that freeloader is playing games or watching some Russian mechanics on YouTube. He tries to show me sometimes but I literally get the ick 🤢 I wish I could come home some nights and just slip into bed without making any noise as to not disturb him. But I always have to see him and talk to him like uh Dean-O always has my spleen hurting from laughing so much 😂 I want to just come home and turn the batteries off. Dinner is ribeye on crostini with sliced avocado, tomatoes, homemade tomatillo salsa, topped with mozzarella and balsamic drizzle. No balsamic for Dean-O bc he doesn’t like it 🙂‍↕️

He totally spoiled me and now it's his fault...why does he have to be the most amazing boyfriend in the world...how can I be mad when he's just so damn good to me...😵‍💫😵😵‍💫😵😵‍💫

Presenting a New Standard for the Relief of the Modern Urchin-Maiden’s Afflictions! (Be forewarned: The Restoration of Corporal and Mental Humors is Attempted, Yet Bound by No Mortal Guarantee.)

We shall dutifully endeavor to remedy whatsoever peculiar malaise or imbalance of the biles plagues your constitution; however, the sufferer must first present a thorough and frank account of their afflictions to the Apothecary.

A Ledger of Maladies Successfully Remedied Within Our Walls:

• Whale tail
• Camel toe
• Chicken head
• Stanky leg
• Hysteria
• Zika
• & More

TL;DR: We can try to cure whatever you have going on, but you need to present your case.

>!(Inquire within for a complete viewing of the ledger)!<

gave birth 16 days ago and my baby came out with two red marks on her eyes (stork kisses) even tho i explained what it was my lover said my hairy clam gave our baby carpet burn .. not only that a nurse got lost in my forbidden forest while pushing so my labor lasted an extra 10 minutes cause a team of rescuers had to come find her (she literally got scared and hid behind my labia. literally a weak lil btch) . i explained to him that if he shaved me we wouldn’t have had this problem… he also called me loose goose cause i was able to push my baby out in 10 minutes :( its not my fault i had a thing for frat boys while in college. my baby even pokes fun at me & called me butch the bush. i can’t believe im getting shamed like this by a newborn and a balding man. the only thing keeping me happy are my two cats & the mole that lives in my bush.

homemade snicker doodle cookies

If the hoes don’t want to date me then they’re dumb. Young men LIKE ME are more emotionally regulated and empathetic and totally kind and normal and not at all unhinged. FUCK ME OR I WILL POST AGAIN IN YOUR PRECIOUS SUB.

HIIII GIRLIES 💕💐✨🍰🍼👶🏻🐣

So!!! I’ve been with my handsome lovely boyfriend for a LONG time, we even recently celebrated my birthday together, the cake was SOOO cute even though it tasted like dogshit. At least they tried!

I am SO LUCKY that I have a partner who supports me not wanting children! Luckily for me, he doesn’t want them either!

The problem is, I still think it’s so hot to imagine him as a father and the exact scenarios neither of us want or dream of. But when I ask him if he thinks I would be a hot mom, he seemed DISGUSTED?!? Like, what do you mean you don’t fantasize about getting baby vomit on our clothes together and having our spawn latch onto my nipples till they’re raw? You don’t think it’s hot that something can grow inside me and rearrange my organs and shoot out of my cooter and then scream for the next 18 years?

Does he not love me? I can’t move past the fact that maybe I just love him more, and our relationship will be forever unequal. It’s really hurtful and really skewing my judgement about our future together as a childless couple. I don’t even think he’d love me if I was a worm. He fucking hates me.

couldn’t decide what I wanted for dinner so here’s my spread!!!! 🪱🧁🫀🍥🫁

soooooo ive known this guy for 101 days (omg! 😳 Like the dalmashins 🐕) and we've been banging raw just bc. well last week he said maybe planning for a family when we havent even know each other for 100 days is too intense so he says we r breaking up..... but then a few days later i got knocked up with the heir to his titles, and like he dont have any other sons and his advisors are totally on his ass to procreate so that his dickwad evil brother doesnt inherit the throne so what's he gonna do, disinherit the baby??? and totally screw up the line of succession? Lmao so he wants nothing to do with my ass now but i dont like that so im keeping the baby to raise on my own but i think my boyfriend (refuse to say we r exes...) will come around 🤭 im naming the baby toodledoo 2

dinner is meatwad

I just don't know what to do anymore. He's a really great guy, super sweet, always says hi to me, but after living together for 4 years, he just snapped at me one day over the meals I feed him. He said he wants a woman who can cook and swatted his bowl off the table, but he knows I have a disability that makes it impossible for me to operate a stove. We argued for hours but I just couldn't get him to understand. He called me a bitch, said he's done, and stormed off.

It's been 8 months now and we haven't spoke. We eat and sleep and do everything in separate rooms. I'm starting to feel like something is wrong but I just don't know what to do. I tried texting his sister, but she blew me off. I just feel so exhausted and completely out of options here. I don't know what he wants from me. Any advice?

Food pictured is Purina Beef Flavor with Beans

I had sex with my best friend a year ago and now he's talking about how he "doesn't like me like that" and "isn't attracted to me" and "just wants to be friends" but he's SO distant and not affectionate like he was before and I MISS HIM!!!

Dinner is a teeny tiny strawberry pie from trader joe's and a full sugar coke and a couple smokes

I’m currently in an LDR phase, and there’s one person in particular who makes me uncomfortable: my boyfriend’s father. He has other family members around, but his father bothers me because he seems very bold and intimidating. He’s also the type of person my boyfriend apparently used to have a complicated relationship with, whereas he now says that things are different because he's more of the soft-spoken, caring type.

I’ve told him before that I worry his father could eventually come between us, and he always reassured me by saying, “Don’t worry about it.” "He''s my father."

Yesterday, he texted me saying that he was going to be eating crabcakes that night. I asked, “At home? Alone?” and he said no. Then he disappeared until the next morning, when he finally mentioned that he had actually been eating crabcakes with his father, just the two of them.

I feel blindsided because he didn’t tell me the truth when I directly asked him who he was with. Given my existing concerns about his father and the fact that we’re currently long-distance, this feels much more significant than simply him eating crabcakes with his father.

Honestly, I’m scared that this is the beginning of the end.

Dinner is about 50 chocolate chip cookies.

Told my bf to c*m* inside me *in the heat of the moment and he did. Ok, why would he even do that?
I’ve been paranoid since then that I might be pregnant, so I took a pregnancy test and lo and behold, I am?!!!!!

Upvote if I should get an abortion, comment if I should keep it.

First I bought a pack of vanilla cupcakes and when I went to bed there were 3 left. When i woke up there were 0 😭😭😭 then I bought a pack of the new limited edition cinnamon bun flavored oreos yesterday and he ate most of them and now they’re gone 😢 I am a passenger princess so I can’t just go back to the store to buy more so here I am with my cookie butter spoon 🥄 i love him but MY SNACKS 😡