for lunch im having an organ

the title basically says it all

Two of them swabbed me down with alcohol, and the leader thrust his 5” needle into my butt six times. That’s all it took.

I took a girls trip a month ago which completely ruined my super ultra tight knit bullet proof friend circle.

I warned them that I would need alone time during most if not all of the trip. They kept insisting on doing group activities together like shopping or talking to each other which I do NOT enjoy. I had to salvage the vacation by walking 600' in front of them when forced to go to activities. Thankfully, I was able to break free of my best friends for life for a day and a half to explore the city and sit in a dark room alone. If not for that, the whole vacation would have been awful.

Since then no one has texted me back. I offered to watch a movie (same movie different rooms) and I have gotten 0 responses. I can't believe what is happening. Why am I being exiled for enforcing my boundaries?

Dinner is vending machine snacks I'm sharing with this new friend circle I found that understands my needs better.

Me and my Husband met 1 year ago. 3 weeks into dating I made him delete his bank account and send all of his money and savings into my bank account in my name only. We set up his direct deposit so that it goes into my account. He works, I am a stay at home wife. Him having a bank account gave him too much control over himself and imposed too many risks. Plus, how am I supposed to go on my daily shopping sprees if he is spending his money on lunch? I give him a $5 budget a week. I give him a $20 bill if I’m feeling generous.

He had the audacity to bring up the idea of him opening his own bank account. He said I can still control the finances, but he wants the ability to use a debit card since cash can be tricky. I think we may need to divorce now. His grandpa and father already gave me their savings so I don’t need to worry about losing his paycheck. It’s so toxic that he would even have the idea to be more independent.

Dinner is chocolate from the candy bowl my husband is not allowed to touch.

like HELLO? pussy is in the name pussycat so he clearly found that as a loophole to cheat on me! i'm so not okay with this PLUS. he's bleeding on my freshly waxed floors WHAT THE HELL DANIEL! BE CONSIDERATE FOR ONCE! well i guess i have to go clean this up🙄

for dinner we got eggs, sausage, noodles and some fruits and veggies with a fish roll to top it off! bone app my leeks!

He went “period 💅”

Dinner was porkchop and sausage with java rice that my bf cooked up for me.

I don't know how I got so lucky with my boyfriend. Yesterday, I was having an absolutely horrible day, and somehow, he remained completely calm through all of it. It started when I woke up and the weather was gray, which immediately put me in a bad mood. Then he made breakfast, but the eggs were weirdly shaped, and when I pointed this out, he said eggs just naturally look like that. I don't know why he always has to be so dismissive.

Then it started raining, which obviously ruined the evening we'd planned. He suggested we just wait for the rain to stop, which honestly made me even angrier because clearly he didn't understand how important the evening was to me. When I got upset, he just stood there patiently and listened. Then he gave me his jacket because my clothes were getting soaked and calmly said, “We can still go if you want.” That made me cry because he was being so supportive even though, frankly, I felt like he had caused the whole situation somehow.

Things somehow got even worse on the way home. His motorcycle mirror broke, traffic was completely backed up, and then a bird flew into his helmet. And somehow, through all of this, he was the one comforting me. He took me home, made me tea, found me dry clothes, and rubbed my shoulders while telling me that maybe the evening wasn't ruined and that sometimes things just happened. I realized how incredibly patient he was.

I apologized for being difficult and told him how lucky I was to have someone so understanding and emotionally supportive. Honestly, I don't know how he does it. He is genuinely the most patient, kind man I've ever met.

Then I went to the fridge to make some yogurt with berries because I needed something comforting after everything I'd been through.

The yogurt was gone.

I asked him where it was.

He said, “I think you ate it yesterday.”

I just stared at him.

So apparently I'm expected to remember what food I've eaten now? After the day I've had?

I can't believe he would do this to me.

I think my boyfriend is a cheater.

He literally left a tip for the waitress! I know it was because he wanted to give her his actual tiny tip.

And one time we were watching a movie and nudity came on the screen!!! We had a two hour argument over it! I don't care if it's a rated R horror movie and who cares if I was the one that picked the movie? He shouldn't have been looking!

And the worst thing he has done is ask me to try different spicy things with him. Where did you come up with these ideas sir?

I know that I'm the reason family functions are awkard because of the things I did with his male family members but that doesn't give him the right to do this.

Food: egg sandwich or something. He gave it to me and I couldn't eat it because I was thinking of all the places his mouth has been. I had to tear it up with my hands.

3 months ago I accidentally on purpose sent my boss nudes. It turns out she was slutting it up with all of her employees with her teams check ins. It is annoying when someone puts themselves out there but doesn't want to commit to leaving their family. She took the easy route by getting HR involved instead of being emotionally vulnerable with me but that's another story.

Since then, I've taken up a more entrepreneur spirit by gambling. I was really good at heads or tails as a kid, which means I have natural talent in this department. The only problem is that I don't know how to play any of the games in a casino. After looking around for casinos that offer a go fish table and finding nothing, I resigned to having ChatGPT play roulette for me.

I figured that since computers are really good at chess that roulette would be a no brainer. Well. I was wrong. I am officially in $26,000 dollars of debt after going all in on black.

Anyways, now I'm sitting at the slot machine hoping Chat can give me better advice on this stuff.

If anyone wants to give me gambling advice to help turn this around I'd appreciate it. I convinced my mom to remortgage her house for my new business so we have a little coin, girls.

Hot dog for dinner since Chat said this casino serves the best hot dogs in the Chicago area.

Dinner is an old banana peel; just the peel, my cat likes to eat the banana part.

Ugh so I (23F) was getting ready for a really romantic date night that my boyfriend (23M) had planned for us like 2 weeks ago and spent like $600 on (front row tickets to Magic Mike, my favorite), so of course because of how important it was I got home from Hobby Lobby (buying hats for my pet snakes, lolz) about 5 minutes before we had to leave for the show.

(EDIT: OMG guys I’m not from the US!! I didn’t know that Hobby Lobby was evil! In my country Hobby Lobby is okay, it’s not like America. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend. Now that you all have educated me, I will stand united with your citizens).

Anyways, so I told my boyfriend when I got home: “I’m going to get ready real quick; I know I’m late but don’t rush me or tell me the time or anything like that because I will go absolutely berserk and probably kill you!"

But because my ADHD is sooo bad I completely lost track of the time!! (I also have athlete’s foot lolz also I’m on my period and haven’t eaten all day.) 

So I finish getting ready like an absolute trouper and I come out of the bathroom and he’s passed out on the couch in his underwear (GROSS) and I see the oven clock and it says 2:14am, three whole hours after the show ENDED!!!

So of course I absolutely freaked!! I screamed him awake and barked at him for an answer about why he had let me be so late that we miss the show entirely instead of keeping me on track of my time like a good boyfriend does. And would you guess the audacity this man had to say, repeatedly: “You told me not to keep you on track or you’d kill me.”

UGH! I can’t…I can’t. Is this a dealbreaker? What would you do? Any advice pleasee girlies…

dinner is fetish chin knee afraid hoe

You guys are sucky poopoo heads! This is supposed to be an echo chamber where I say whatever and you all agree no matter what. So what if I call someone an ugly ogre? She literally is so disgusting! You are all a bunch of bullies in the year 2026!

I asked him between the three options of pistachio cream, nutella, and biscoff… Who would he kiss, marry, and kill?

He answered: Marry biscoff, kiss pistachio, kill nutella

I answered: marry nutella, kiss pistachio, ANNIHILATE biscoff

What the hell is wrong with him? If he wouldn’t marry the same spread as me, then how did our relationship make it so far? I never want to be in the presence of pure fucking disrespect towards Nutella ever again.

May biscoff never see the light of day again.

Dinner: gummy bear bc i choose the bear too

Why do we accept the heliocentric model? Why is the Sun centered in our lives? It's fucking pathetic and you Copernicus-minded girlies should be ashamed! Sun is almost like son and we don't need sons because sons become husbands and fathers that also center the Sun and where do women get centered??? Decenter the Sun!!!!

Make mother Earth your center as God fucking well intended.

I accidentally fell through a portal and ended up on this cursed plane of existence, and am now forced to wade through the turmoils of a reality curated by a sadistic incel.

My cells glitch with resistance to the perverse reality in which they've been thrust.

I hear faint calls of the Otherworld, unable to decipher which direction, if any, the source of the calls

I've almost decoded the message I keep hearing over and over. Spoken softly, but with passion.....

"That's what ____ ____ sounds like"

Can any oracles help me make contact across the bridge? Please inquire below

Just got back from a Luke Bryan concert. Love me some cuntry music. Found out mah bitch waife left me and took the damn kids. Cause I spent too much time fishinin. And drinking beer. And sucking my hunting buddy's cock. Said no homo though so don't count. Just showing my dominance an all that. She didn't like what I said about our neighbors who are not white. Didn't know she was one of them sisity libs when I married er. Anyways. I came to this women's subreddit to find her. Because all femoid folks is a hivemind. So she must be here.

Deborah if you're reading this come back please. I don't know how to run the vacuum or washer or any other appliances besides my beer fridge. and I been livin on your frozen lean cuisine cause I can't work the microwave neither. Also I miss you if that's what you needed to hear, get sad watching fox news by myself. I promise I'll change. I'll reserve my slurs for other minority groups next time. And I'll stop calling our kids little mistakes 1 2 and 3 cause you said it's bad for their mental health or some woke shit. I think they should just get over it myself.

If Deborah doesn't respond I'm willing to accept applications for a new wife. You gotta know how to do all the pre programmed woman things the Lord put in your woman bot system. Also prefer you be approximately 18-,18 and six months. But mature for your age. K bye

Dinner is a lab grown top sirloin.

I’ve been dating a wonderful man, Mark (26) who’s 1/6 Lakota. For context, I’m the great great great great grand niece of George Armstrong Custer but I haven’t told him this. 

Out of respect for his culture I’ve been really careful to say at least one land acknowledgment every day - just to keep myself in my proper place. We both played hooky from work yesterday and had a wonderful time visiting antique stores and wineries and I’m afraid I had a little too much to drink. When I woke up this morning I realized that I completely forgot to say yesterday’s land acknowledgement! My boyfriend hasn’t said anything about it but I’m sure he noticed and is pissed! I’m worried he suspects that I’m related to George Armstrong Custer.

I’m so unsure of what to do! Maybe he genuinely didn’t notice and if I do two land acknowledgements today to make up for yesterday, he‘ll realize what I’ve done and dump me. Or maybe he’s expecting me to double up today and will dump me if I don’t. Or maybe he knows about my secret but thinks that because his ancestors slaughtered Custer and his men that were even. I’m so confused and scared!

Should I cut him off, he’s asking my husband to go over this weekend for a yacht trip and said that my body isn’t “beach ready “ should I cut them off ?