u/CrispyJezus

Perdón, esto sería un poco largo.

Mi pareja y yo vivimos en el extranjero. Ella es mexicana, y yo nací acá, pero tengo familia de/en México, entonces mientas conozco la cultura, obviamente siempre habrán cosas que no conozco.

Mi pareja trabaja muchísimas horas (a veces hasta 16 por día) y aunque gana casi el pago mínimo de donde vivimos, todavía gana bien.

El problema es que ella manda casi todo su dinero a su familia. Estoy hablando de que, por ejemplo, si gana $3,000, manda $2,000 allá, y solo queda con $1,000 para su renta y poquita comida y transporte. Casi queda sin nada para ella. No digo para gastar en mi, pero para *ella* . Para sus gustos, pasatiempos, lujos, o para hacer cosas conmigo, etc. Simplemente unas recompensas de trabajar tantas horas. Si le hace falta algo, le pregunto, “por qué no lo compras?” Y la respuesta siempre es lo mismo, “No tengo dinero.”

Ahora, sus papás no son de bajos recursos ni nada. Viven en un pueblito pequeño en Puebla. Son de clase media, y tienen su propio negocio de frutas y verduras. Mi familia allá dicen que esos negocios si llegan a ganar bien, pero depende.

Realmente no se si es decisión 100% suya, o su familia presionándola, pero estoy más segura que es más decisión de ella.

Supongo que estoy preguntando cómo manejar esta situación desde un perspectivo más mexicano (?) por sí es algo muy común cuando alguien vive en el extranjero y quiere apoyar a su familia. Comprendo que no soy mexicana, y quizás es algo que jamás entenderé, porque nací acá. También entiendo que es una tema muy delicada, y con asuntos familiares uno no se debería meter/opinar mucho (respeto mucho a mis suegros). Quizás hay información que todavía yo todavía no sepa de su familia.

No le he comentado nada directamente, solo sugerir ligeramente que compra más de sus necesidades acá primero, y de ahí mandar lo que le sobra de su sueldo.

Ahorita le subieron de horas y sueldo, y la felicité, diciendo que muy bien, que estaba orgullosa de ella, y que quizás podría ahorrar un poco acá, pero me dijo que no, y que quiere enviar aún MÁS dinero.

Realmente estoy tratando de ser más comprensiva y empática de su situación, pero me frustra mucho verla morir trabajando, solo para no poder disfrutar nada de su dinero que ella trabaja tan duro ganando. A veces hasta se enferma más rápido por estrés, y lo veo afectando a su salud mental. Simplemente me dice “por eso venía, a trabajar.”

Yo obviamente no tengo problema de apoyarla o comprarla cosas en vez en cuando, pero quisiera que ella tampoco tendrá que sacrificar todo sus propias necesidades.

PD. El español no es mi lengua materna, discúlpenme si hay errores gramáticos.

This is not a shaming post, but more of a culture shock post with some harsh realities included.

As someone with Mexican parents (who doesn’t live in the USA, but visits frequently and knows a lot about American culture) What surprised me the most is the amount of Chicanos that don’t speak Spanish. Maybe it’s just because my country is a little more tolerant of other languages and cultures, so you’ll almost never find someone with Latino parents who doesn’t speak Spanish.

I’ve heard all the reasons why the parents don’t teach it: because they think the kids will learn English slower/not adapt/face racism.

Well guess what? These kids are going to be WORSE off not knowing Spanish because they’re going to face “double discrimination.” They will almost always face some sort of discrimination in the USA if they’re not white, white passing, or have a name that’s not Anglo-sounding. They will also be shamed or excluded by their own community for not speaking the language. It also takes away so many opportunities. It will give your kids an identity crisis

The other problem is, is that if the parents have Spanish language accents, and only speak to their kid in English, the kids are going to learn English with Spanish language accents, and it’s going to be even worse for them because imagine having an accent with a language you don’t even speak? (My little cousin is a prime example of this until I started teaching her Spanish myself to avoid further tormenting from both cultures)

Also, the kids will be fine learning English elsewhere. In the streets, at school, with friends. Kids are like sponges. I repeat: THEY. WILL. BE. FINE. It’s gonna be 10x harder to teach them a non-dominant language later in life.

Now, I understand several families do speak 100% Spanish when the kids are little, and slowly give up over time as English dominates their lives, which I guess there’s not much they can do.

Like I said, earlier, no shame, but this is a harsh reality that needs to be addressed.

I’ve been having a thing recently in where overconsumption is giving me the “ick”.

Since Covid, it’s obvious people are trying to declutter after so much impulse buying. It’s now nearly impossible to resell things in my city, even for free, because everyone wants to declutter.

I look at my local thrift store which is overflowing with donations and I worry where the clothes/furniture/decor goes if nobody wants them or if they cannot be worn.

I try to think of ways to repurpose unwearable clothes, but I don’t want to take up space with useless decorations in my room either.

I know I can’t fix hyper-consumerism alone. I wish we simply had a “delete” button like in video games.

So I’m not a parent (yet) but I plan to be in the future! I have two energetic little brothers who I have a large age difference with, so I definitely have some “experience” first-hand.

However, I have an small issue in where I’m not good at coming up with solutions or consequences in the moment, and often freeze up in a way. While I understand not every action needs a consequence ASAP, there will obviously be times where I need to resolve things immediately.

An example is when I took my brothers (8) to the local café for a treat. Brother #1 wanted to ride their bike on the way there, which I said yes to, as it is literally 250 meters away from our house (275 yards-ish for Americans?). However, I did not realize he took Brother #2’s helmet. Brother #2 tries to take the bike on the way back because “it’s my helmet!” Brother #1 refuses because “it’s my bike!”.

I stood frozen thinking for around 45 seconds, until I decided nobody gets the bike on the way back because:

1. I wasn’t gonna force Brother #2 to share his helmet
2. I wasn’t gonna force Brother #1 to share his bike
3. My mother, as well as the town LAW says no bikes without helmets, which is perfectly reasonable

I also gave them the whole not-taking-what-isn’t-yours talk.

Time has passed, and I can’t help but think if I gave Brother #2 the short end of the stick on this? After all, he got his helmet taken.

I know parenting is all about making mistakes, etc, and this isn’t the biggest situation, but I want to be prepared as possible for common situations, especially when I need to think fast (tantrums in public scenarios, for example).

Does this just come naturally with more experience?

I’m not sure if this happens to anyone else, but I downloaded Roblox a few weeks ago to be able to bond with my little brothers.

Unfortunately, as I’ve been playing it daily, I’ve noticed it’s making me more angry and impatient, not about the game itself, but… in general?

I get more irritated about little things, such as when I’m doing something and someone interrupts me, unexpected loud sounds, and just general random rage.

I’ve been using gaming as an “escape” and I’m wondering if it has something to do with this, or it’s just my accelerating symptoms.

I’ve seen various media about the school system in china, both online and from actual Chinese people I have met that have immigrated to my country. All my Chinese friends have agreed that the Chinese school system is indeed considered “hard”.

However, I’ve seen various media of foreign families living in china, and have their fluently Chinese-speaking kids in Chinese public school, and they often do vlogs about homework, etc.

I’ve seen most families say that the kids really only have about an hour of homework per night, and that it’s the optional “extra classes” that take up a lot of time, and that the hyper-competitive parents are really the ones who put all the pressure on the kids, not the actual curriculum. Hence, the idea that Chinese kids get home from school late, sleep late, etc.

Now, I can imagine it’s a bit hard to generalize, as each province may have their own curriculum, each family is different, and of course this differs between elementary/middle/high school.

But how much of this is pressure is due to the Chinese school system vs. Chinese school culture?