u/Crispy_Bean_

So I am working on making a journal with a genuine leather softcover. From what I’ve been told, it’s not a good idea to glue the signatures directly to the leather. So I looked up how others have attached them and it looks like a lot of them sew their signatures directly into the spine of the leather? But I do not like how it looks when they have these long lines of thread exposed on the outside. I guess a lot of people like it… I don’t. The less exposed thread, the better, and if it’s cross crossed, I don’t mind it exposed as much as long as it’s not these long lines of thread.

But I have no idea how to do this! I do know just sewing my signatures, I was going to use the French stitch.

I’d really love to try making this, but I do not have any equipment nor space in my kitchen for new equipment!

I have an Instant pot that I got from target (instant pot 6qt 9 in 1 though and it has a yogurt setting but I think I’ve read that something this runs too high for people? Or how in the world do I navigate using this thing? 😅

I feel overwhelmed by all the different posts and recipes. What recipes have you guys had success with?

I am wanting to find an off white paper for my journals but I feel at a loss on where to start. They’ll just be journals to write in and I’ll print lines on the paper. I’m looking to use 8.5x11 sheets.

But I have no idea where to look or what weight or… anything. I’ve read a lot but I think until I have felt it, none of what I’ve studied will stick.

With 8 pages a signature, I’m looking at about 22 signatures in my book I’m wanting to bind. I’m just beginning this journal… but what would be the best method to bind and it be able to lay flat? I want to be able to write and sketch in this book. It’s a personal journal.

From my understanding, a supported kettle stitch or French stitch would be the answer?

I (F27) became close friends with a guy (M31). We were extremely close for a year and a half and had been friends for two and a half years total. There was also a romantic connect that was pretty strong but this person was my closest friend.

However this person had mental struggles. They had a bad upbringing and unfortunately that made them abusive. I didn’t find this out until we were already really close and suddenly he’d random start yelling at me and cussing me out on the phone. Eventually he’d stop and apologize and we’d talk and we’d discuss ways for him to cope and control his emotions.

But outside of that, the good times were the best times. There were plenty of them. I could be myself and we had a lot in common and our goals in life seemed to be the same and for once in my life I felt safe with someone despite the random outbursts. I’d just let them go and try to help him do better and he seemed enthusiastic to do better.

Skip some time. Eventually the outbursts turned physical but I’d hide the evidence from everyone. The outbursts usually were triggered by misreading tone or maybe they were just randomly like he was finding something to be upset about. The verbal outbursts also got severe and he’d use my insecurities against me. But once again, I’d always forgive and I knew he didn’t want to be like that. He’d always apologize and then try to do better. But I started breaking and I didn’t realize it.

Then the good moments became less and less, but when they were there, I felt like I had my best friend back and immediately I felt safe again.

Then we would make plans to hang out and do things I wanted to do, but something would happen and there’d be an outburst and he would cancel plans and it happened almost every time we were going to do something I really wanted. However, if it were something he wanted… it was more likely to happen. But sometimes we would have a good moment last long enough that we did something I really wanted to do like the things that formed our friends (hanging out in the city, hiking, studying etc).

And I felt again… I had my friend back and I was safe.

This cycle happened so much that eventually when we would have plans set that I really wanted to do with him, I’d get extremely anxious and tell him I was very insecure and he’d reassure me but if I kept bringing up my fears, it brought on an outburst. And then it messed with him mentally and this cycle would repeat over and over and I feel like I’m a shell of who I was. But I feel so desperate to have my friend back. The person who promised to always be there and never leave and I also made that promise back that despite everything, we’d be there. I look back and think had I not mentioned my insecurities, it would’ve been fine.

I think I’m lying to myself. I still believe he is a good person but has issues and I do think he was trying. The outbursts eventually got shorter but I feel like I was so damaged that even if he was getting better, every sign of danger, even as small as not messaging in the morning (which in the past usually meant I was going to get hurt) would make me panic and I’d feel desperate for reassurance. And I felt more and more out of control and I’ve always had control of my emotions. But that desperation would trigger him and then… repeat and I’m worse than if I had just pretended to be ok and like nothing bothered me.

I just sent my last message today and already I feel horrible. I miss my friend. And I just want to beg this person to reach out to me and just… care about me like during the good times. When he was good, he was good and I could talk about anything and know I was safe. But I never knew when that would end.

It’s a long post… but I have no one to talk about this too because I know it was abusive. I know it was really bad. But I do care about this person and while I don’t actually believe it, I know I’m lying to myself if I think I can heal while being this person’s friend.

I just need to know I did the right thing. That I didn’t just abandon my friend and the person I fell in love with. I need to know if it gets easier and that I’m not alone.

TL;DR how to let go of an abusive friend when they were your closest.