I’m going to throw up. I spent my entire paycheck within hours of getting it. I have bills pending, I can’t get groceries for another two weeks. I can’t live this way anymore, I don’t want to live at all anymore. I cancelled my debit card, self excluded, and blocked any apps I could think of. I just can’t believe I did this.. I am so upset with myself.
Good morning, I relapsed after two weeks without depositing any money towards gambling. I worked my second job over the weekend, did some grocery shopping, and had extra this morning.. so I spent it.
I’m mostly upset with myself because of how far behind I already am with debt and borrowing from family in the past.
Day 1 begins again tomorrow.
Good morning, I relapsed after almost two weeks without depositing any money towards gambling. I worked my second job over the weekend, did some grocery shopping, and had extra this morning.. so I spent.
I’m mostly upset with myself because of how far behind I already am with debt and borrowing from family in the past.
Day 1 begins again tomorrow.
I am finally through the dopamine crash, and I have not deposited any money into any apps in a full week. Today I blocked any app from contacting me, continue to block ads that pop up on my social media, and deleted my favorite gambling app. This feels like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
I don’t get paid for another week, so the true test will be not falling back into the same pattern of compulsive gambling when the paycheck hits.
I know I can have a better life without this disease.
Officially down 30lbs! 5’3” SW: 196, CW:166, GW: not sure yet.
I have been lucky enough to continue to lose on the lowest dose, 2.5mg. I feel SOO much better. I sleep better, feel more confident in clothes, more comfortable in my own skin.
I take a two weeks break between each 4 doses, in part to spread out the cost (not covered by insurance), and to try to practice discipline while off the medication. I still have some poor eating habits, snacked on a bit too much candy this last week, but I believe in balance.
I am still considered “overweight” in the BMI scale, but I don’t believe in that measurement.
I relapsed today, again, I spent my entire paycheck (had some left for groceries but that’s it). And won’t have any money for another two weeks.
The worst part is, I don’t even know what I’m chasing anymore. I don’t feel anything gambling. I don’t get a rush from a win, I don’t feel like my chest is caving in after a loss like I used to. It’s just a sick compulsion that I can’t stop myself from doing. I know I need to stop, but I keep pushing those buttons.
My mind feels more at ease after I have nothing left, like I’m finally free from it because there’s nothing left to spend. I feel like I can’t function with extra money in my account, I’m not wired to live a normal life, happy, and successful life.
Just lost I suppose.
Has anyone revoked from Sezzle? I intend to pay them back when I can, but they will not work with me. They want a payment of $460 next week, and I simply cannot do it.
Thank you.
Feeling good today, I got through the weekend without gambling. My biggest hurdle this week will be payday on Thursday , fingers crossed ! 🤞
How do we stop the cycle? Up and down, money in the bank to nothing. Do we ever recover ? Is this ever going to get better?
I want to be ahead in life. I make a decent salary, there’s no reason for me to be broke, other than my own self inflicted torture with this disease.
I’m just tired. And I don’t want to be this way anymore.