I’m going to throw up. I spent my entire paycheck within hours of getting it. I have bills pending, I can’t get groceries for another two weeks. I can’t live this way anymore, I don’t want to live at all anymore. I cancelled my debit card, self excluded, and blocked any apps I could think of. I just can’t believe I did this.. I am so upset with myself.
I’m 4 years deep into blackjack and online slots addiction and I honestly feel exhausted.
What started as “just for fun” slowly became something I think about every day. I’ve lost money, time, sleep, relationships, and most of my peace of mind. I keep chasing losses and telling myself I’ll stop after one more session, but it never ends that way.
The worst part is that online gambling is always available. Even when I want to quit, I end up reinstalling apps, depositing again, and repeating the same cycle. I feel ashamed admitting this, but I don’t want to keep living like this.
I’m posting because I genuinely want to stop. If anyone here has beaten blackjack or slot addiction, what actually helped you? Self-exclusion? Blocking apps? Therapy? Support groups? I’m willing to try anything at this point.
Right now I just want my life and my mind back.
Hey guys, I’m on day 7 of no gambling !
I struggle with cross addictions and I don’t know how to stay sober. If I quit one thing, I just go harder on another. I’ve been in active addiction for over 11 years (swapping one thing for another).
I’ve got bipolar disorder, ADHD and borderline personality disorder. I’m on medication and been in therapy for 6 years.
My therapist has been trying to get me to go to rehab or meetings for a couple years now. I am open to rehab but unfortunately my work environment is incredibly toxic and I can’t afford to lose my job because I need a month in rehab (before anyone says it’s illegal for them to fire you because it’s a medical condition- my boss does not give a fuck about legalities or being ethical) and if I don’t get fired I will just be treated like a degenerate by them.
I will admit that I have not been open to attending meetings. It honestly just doesn’t seem like my kind of thing. Everything in me is reluctant. BUT this morning I am somewhat entertaining the idea.
My biggest question is - what meeting do I attend for cross addictions? I know there’s NA, but do gambling addicts attend these meetings? I know there’s GA but do people with cross addictions attend these meetings? Am I supposed to just go to NA and GA separately? That would be hard for me since all my addictions are interlinked.
IF I do go to a meeting I don’t want to talk about my cross addictions and trigger anyone or give anyone ideas on what I do/have done.
And also, if anyone could suggest some discord servers where I could attend a meeting I’d appreciate it.
ANY advice from people who were reluctant to go but did, what was your experience?