u/Cum_Quat

Happy Sunday everyone! Once again we are gearing up to go to the Everson Nooksack Valley Farmers Market, from 10 to 3 in the park behind Herb Niemans Steak and Schnitzel House in Everson. Come support small farms and artisans while enjoying good vibes, good food, live music, meet your neighbors and hang in the shade!

we have 13 laying Pekin ducks who were consistently laying an egg a day. Then we introduced 12 new teenage ducks, still were laying but they seemed a bit stressed and they drowned one of the new ducks.

We also have had a family of ravens come and take a lot of the eggs, so we would make sure to be around in the morning to get them as soon as the eggs were laid. We also found many that were hidden in tall grass guerilla nests. We moved eggs to the duck nesting house and normal egg laying resumed.

We also had a terrible heat wave for the PNW (like 90s in June, unheard of) but they have lots of shade, ponds, and I put out a pool with sprinklers and gave them cold strawberries and raspberries.

Then we had a very nasty bald eagle attack where I shoo'd the eagle away by screaming at it and running towards it, but the wounds ended up being too bad and we euthanized the girl cause there was no way she would make it. After that incident we had fewer eggs, like only 2 a day or so for a few days. Now it's been about 10 days of no eggs or 1 egg every 3 days.

Are they just stressed out? We are giving extra peas with nutritional yeast, sometimes ice cubes in water. Making sure they always have clean water and good food.

Any advice appreciated

I thought my husband was bought in on our plan but is now trying to turn our farm into a profitable business where none of my time is "wasted". I am seriously considering selling all the animals and just riding the collapse down cause this stress just is sucking any joy I had out of me. I am a shell of a person.

Forgive me this is long. Read it if you want. I read back and proof read so it shouldn't be a hard read. Maybe this is a cautionary tale for those of you who want to live off the land. Be careful who you choose to be in your lifeboat. Either way this was therapeutic to write out and helps me organize my thoughts.

Backstory:

My husband (DH) and I decided in 2020 after becoming collapse aware to sell our houses and "build a life raft while on the Titanic" by buying some land and starting a small farm to be as sustainable as possible. When his sister and her nuclear family moved to the PNW in an area I grew up and still has lots of family, and settled down there, I decided to sell DH on moving there, too.

I took him to see my family on the San Juan Islands, went sailing and fishing and exploring small outer islands and homesteads. We saw Orca whales and so much other wildlife. He loved seeing it all. So it was decided: sell my house (he had already sold his) and bring my mom and move up and rent while looking for the right property.

My mom died which was really hard while we were renting and looking for land. Fortunately she got to see that he has proposed and see my engagement ring the day before she had a massive stroke.

Then we found the dream property and closed on it in the summer of 2023. Moved in the middle of October as a favor to the sellers who accepted our low-ball offer with no counter. We eloped that fall.

We started right away fixing up the apartment in the shop (ADU) so my sister could move up and live with us. That christmas we had 13 of his family come stay with us for 5 days and I cooked for them all. This was the first time DH was really shitty to me, and it was in front of company. He put me down and made snide comments constantly. His mom and aunt shot looks at me like what the heck is going on? It was bad because I normally leave if someone treats me like this but we had so much company and I was cooking for everyone when he was like this so I felt I couldn't leave. I chaulked that up to him just drinking too much and being stressed for the holidays and let it go.

In January we started fencing and irrigation, I worked on the garden, and in the spring we had full veggie garden and bought 5 ducklings and 6 chicks to start. We built a big brooder and set to raising our first poultry. We built a goat house and got 3 doelings and a wether.

It was so fun, having these animals and setting up our little farm. I had taken a leave of absence from work so I could get the farm infrastructure going.

We had a big wedding ceremony and reception the first September of living in the farm. While it was beautiful, and I did all the flowers, I made the 3 tier chocolate zucchini cake, provided a caterer with my green beans, pears, and onions, and procured king salmon from a local fisherman to save money. I did my own hair and makeup and we rented a tent. Yet DH was getting shittier and shittier to me about costs and we were stressed out getting the property ready for showing off to our guests.

I had an idea to have the guests plant fruit trees in the new orchard as a tree planting ceremony right after our wedding ceremony. It was lovely, everyone told me so. But of course that was one more thing to do: to buy all the trees and dig holes with the auger on the tractor ahead of time, lay out trees etc. DH was getting so nasty to me I considered calling off the wedding and even told him so. But in the end it was a big success.

The next year we scaled up and got 4 lambs, 2 ewes and 2 wethers. We did our first run of meat chickens and turkeys and got more laying hens by incubating and hatching eggs. We got livestock guardian dogs and I had to train them. All these animals were 100% my responsibility.

Somehow over the course of the first year being on a leave of absence from work, I fell into the role of trad wife which I had not planned nor wanted. And I was getting so much disrespect and expectations that even though I was working 60 plus hours a week on the farm I was also supposed to have dinner on the table by 8 pm at the latest, make him lunches and breakfast, do laundry and keep the house clean. DH was still working full time and supporting the farm, so naturally he felt like he could treat me like shit. I wasn't marketing the farm products enough to his liking. I wasn't doing enough. I literally woke up and made myself coffee, started animals chores and worked until I crashed at night to go to bed.

Through all this, he has been able to go on camping and fishing trips and work trips where he goes fishing and kite surfing, diving, spear fishing, and drinking with buddies when he's off work. I am back home working and taking care of the farm and doing projects. But when he's gone it's easier. I don't have to cook for him. I haven't been on vacation since we moved here-and I don't want to-I knew the first few years would be us working our asses off getting infrastructure and training dogs and getting the routines down. Gardens take a long time to establish and get weeds under control with no spray. I knew this which I why I was pissed when he had vacation time he took it instead of using that time to work on the farm, every time.

I did think I would have an equal partner. I thought we would share all this. I thought he would be kind to me. Would give me the benefit of the doubt. But through this if anything goes awry, he instantly blames me. I know I am hyper vigilant on people's emotions as a person who has a history of childhood trauma. I just collapse when he is storming around, obviously mad at me for something I did not perfectly.

I have been so messed up through this bad treatment that I have collapsed on the ground in front of him sobbing and telling him how I feel (rules on this sub state I can't tell you what I was fixated on) and begging him to go to therapy with me. I called around and found one person who would take me or us but didn't take insurance so no dice. 10 months later I broke. I fell apart. Looked into therapy and found one who would take us and take insurance.

We went to one session and then the therapist called me and said they won't do couples counseling in cases of abuse, that it just makes things worse. That was eye opening to me to have a professional call it abuse. I found a personal therapist and have done really good work with her. I decided to go back to work part time so I could regain my independence and self worth. While that hasn't lessened my workload, it has given me stability and peace that if I need to I can leave DH.

DH continued to be awful to me, even worse. I told him either he goes to therapy on his own or I am divorcing him. He is now going and actually things are for the most part getting better. He helps more around the house (not 50/50 but still a lot better, maybe 20/80). He is more gentle with me. DH keeps pressuring me to quit my job because I am being overworked with the farm and everything, and I won't because I worry I'll be made to be a trad wife again, and need some personal independence, but that is what it is.

Today I am sick, really sick with asthmatic bronchitis. I am still doing animal chores and working part time. I have coughing/wheezing fits so bad I pee my pants sometimes. I am exhausted and feel like I could sleep for months. Went to the doctor after 3 weeks of this and not getting better-in fact getting worse-and was prescribed a steroid inhaler along with my rescue inhaler I've been using. Last night I felt so bad I asked if he would do evening animal chores so I could rest and I was winding down about ready to sleep.

Then DH comes in grilling me about how much time I spend on the chickens and ducks and do I make $30 an hour for my work on them. I told him I don't feel good and now getting stressed out which is not good. I was about to go to sleep, and would like to discuss at a different time. He kept pressing, saying when is a good time? Do I make $90 a day on eggs?! I told him of course not, I'd be lucky to make minimum wage or even break even after feed costs and depreciation on the equipment costs. I told him I'm not 100% efficient in my morning chores. He said well then that's on you, then I don't know why we are farming if you're going to dilly dally out there. At this point I was so stressed out my cortisol was spiking I could feel my heart racing and blood pressure up. Then I couldn't sleep. So much for healing.

Now in the morning I can think. I like to let the girls out of their coops and watch them run around and watch the sun rise and all the wild birds and life around me. I give scritches to the goats and watch the kids play. I have one joy in life through all these last few years that keeps me going. This is supposed to be a life boat, not a fortune 500 company. I never wanted to get rich doing this.

I just wanted to build some resilience and the tricky part is living in society as it crumbles. You still have to pay property tax and insurance. You still have health insurance premiums and costs of medications and co-pays and vet bills and so much other stuff. I thought we were in agreement that we will keep working from home to have these things that our little farm would never be able to support.

Now I just feel sick and heartbroken and exhausted. I want to sell the farm. This isn't what I signed up for. I think if I had a different partner I would want to keep at it but this just isn't working.

Hey good morning everyone! I just wanted to shout out the weekly Everson Nooksack Valley Farmer's Market at 201 Lincoln St. in lovely Everson from 10 am to 3 pm every Sunday until the end of September. This weekend should be perfect weather, and the 4th week of the month they provide live music in the gazebo. So nice to see your neighbors, chill out in the shade of the big trees in the park and support small local farmers and artisans.

Happy Father's Day everyone! Just want to give a shout out to the Everson farmers market, every Sunday from 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. they always have wonderful vendors of produce, meats, crafts and ready to eat food as well as live music. If you want a small town vibe farmers market, come check it out!

Hello,

I just started milking my goats and have been wanting to make chevre, feta, and an aged goat milk cheese like Humboldt fog.

Where do you all get rennet?

How do you all deal with aging, do you have a basement or a fridge kept at the right temperature?

Do you pasteurize your raw milk and if not, does that really mean you don't need calcium chloride?

Just feeling overwhelmed now so I've been giving the milk to my chickens and livestock guardian dogs while I figure out how to do this

On Friday afternoon my husband and I were working on our farm and it was hot out (80°F plus for the PNW) so we took the 2 teenage goslings and our 2 dogs to the creek swimming hole to cool off.

We were having a wonderful time, the goslings were swimming and we walked around cooling our feet in a different part of the creek than our normal spot, taking in the beauty of the day. One dog was sitting at the shore waiting for us to come back. The other was above us on the bank, trying to find a way to get to the other side where we were. She squeezed through blackberries and came out right above us, I called for her to come jump down so I'd catch her, but she changed her mind and kept exploring the bank further down.

We went back to our normal spot where we had chairs and sat in the sun with each of us holding a goose to cuddle while we talked about going out to dinner and what chores we had left to do. We wrapped up and went back to the house (which is about 200 feet away from our creek spot) with the one dog and 2 goslings and I immediately set out to finish irrigation and then collected eggs, milked our goats, and other evening chores.

Note, I did not call for my other dog, Sophie, cause she wanders a bit on our 37 acres but she always comes back.

We decided we had leftover rice we should eat so I showered and we made egg fried rice for dinner and then I went to make our dogs dinner. That's when I noticed Sophie was gone. By this time it was 10 o'clock at night and finally dark out. I asked my husband when did he last see her, he said at the creek. I sprung into action, ran outside calling her name. No sign of her.

We searched the creek area, the woods to the north of our property, our neighbor's blueberry fields, all around. I made a Facebook neighborhood post, and a nextdoor post.

Eventually we realized she was just gone. Our area has a ton of coyotes, some cougars, and black bears. Night here is not a good place for a 10 lb dog to be out. At this point I was hysterical sobbing. The doggy love of my life was gone. And it took me hours to notice she was missing. I feel like the biggest piece of shit ever. I didn't deserve her. I just feel so bad for her, probably wandering around the wood line and getting snatched up by a coyote or bald eagle or something, must have been so scary. I am devastated.

3 days later and we still haven't seen her, no body, nothing.

TL/DR: I let my 10 lb dog out to swim on our property and let her wander off unsupervised, went back home without calling for her, and was too busy for hours to notice she was gone. Now my dog is probably dead, eaten by a predator.