As long as you don’t hurt anyone or are not psychotic. Wrongdoing and rightdoing are imposed by society. Beyond that one is free.
Most people are incapable of change. You can’t make anybody change themselves. Don’t believe someone who says they have changed until and unless they describe what techniques try used to change and demonstrate the changed behaviour consistently. Anything else apart from this only exception being a life altering event is just your hope that they’ve changed or merely the act that they’ve put on. Don’t waste your time on people.
Could they just have not given you a chance when y’all were single? Life would have been so much more easier and happier.
I 35M have been the shy kind with girls for most of my life. Ever since I’ve gotten a little self confidence I have had the best emotional conversations with women. Most men would not be able to or don’t want hold such deep emotional talk and every once in a while I meet some unicorn with emotional and intellectual depth it feels like meeting someone who meets me as I am. Most men would rather not be vulnerable as age grows but I know somewhere they all want for themselves without being judged.
People are grey. Nobody just is what they portray in a marriage. Yes, there are some good moments. But it’s mostly two people who have their own stuff that’s grey and not black or white. As you experience life you know nobody is what they project to be and then when marriages seem good from outside most of them make it seem to be underneath the surface most marriages are imperfect.
They became too intimate for their own self yesterday. I reassured them by steering away the conversation to some regular stuff. Then she wakes up and removes her kindness mask to unveil her avoidant self. Leaves me on read for sending a few photos of watches that I sent her because she was looking to gift a watch to her father. I’m a useless person. They make you question your reality.
I have a good spouse 33F. Good in every way but I’m coming to the painful realisation that she probably may never be able to understand what bodily desire is. For her sex is just something you do for your partner and maybe have some connection. There’s no deep desire there’s no exploration. There’s no easy way out. You may just have to live like this forever or divorce. Divorce is probably the only honourable way out. You have everything but you’re hurt.
Y’all are 30. Many people are hurting and don’t have anybody to listen to which is why they post here. If you can’t empathize at least don’t complain about them posting here. Let them be. Life is not all unicorns and rainbows. People struggle to live. The last you want this place to represent is toxic positivity.
I know it sounds horrible but most marriage seems to be on a thin line and if it were not for the kids most couples would separate. Most couples lack compatibility like even remotely. They’re merely surviving their marriage.
I have realised through painful self discovery that I’ve married a deeply incompatible person that’s a nice human being. I valued human values over sexual and intellectual compatibility. I can’t have deep conversations about anything I’m curious about with her or have sex that’s not merely a duty for her. I have a child and divorce isn’t easy either. I shouldn’t have married at 26. I discovered myself in early to mid 30s. Don’t ignore any aspect that you value deeply in life in the other person because if they can’t offer you that you will be dissatisfied with life. Experiencing life deeply is a curse. You’re better off single than be in place where any decision you take will impact other people. Meet your authentic self and live it.
She didn’t know what we were. I’m with a woman who has low libido. She’s the exact opposite. The contrast made me fall for her. I am an emotional man. I kept loving her deeper. I asked for clarity she said her sex life was great and her husband’s behaviour was improving. Her husband does coercive control on her. I told her that my heart is broken because I refuse to no longer in a relationship that doesn’t need me but seeks only validation in me. It hurting but its better than loving someone deeply and being treated like you’re just optional.
Straight from the horse’s mouth. She said she feels wild when she talks to me and I she wants to have sex the very next day with me. So the only option she feels is avoiding me. Strange are the ways of love.
I broke NC and reached out to her. She apologised for not messaging me and said she was sick. She could have communicated it but then we’re now talking again.
I just realised that looking unattractive forces you to be alone and you get a lot of time to explore things instead of being absorbed by someone else’s ideas and validations. I have developed some hobbies and interests in life because of being alone. I can’t imagine now having someone give me attention and validation then getting addicted to these feelings while making it big in my career. I make great money now and have catapulted my net worth. Being engulfed in other people’s ideas would have not made me be interested in things, ideas and books.
I (35M) AP(35F) classmates from college spoke and for the first time since I knew her she showed interest in me. I liked our conversations she made me feel desired. She met me like the way I wanted. I stayed up all night for her because of our time zone difference. She was only few times into really into our conversations and then I decided to take my self respect back by not over initiating. She has avoidant tendencies and then pulled back like crazy. Now its been 3 weeks since we texted. We’re still connected on socials because we can’t just become strangers overnight. I miss her. She was not the best to me but I liked her. Still do. Coming from a deadbedroom she was the best thing that happened to me in a long time. I’m now even worse than how I felt before earlier at least there were windows of joy now it just sucks all day.
Hear me out. I know its sounds ridiculous but what I’ve found is replacing them with other people just like they do is so damn good. You cope well. These buggers have had this figured out already. Brooding is fine but I won’t serve anything.
Affairs are not morally right. Unfortunately I have been in an emtoional affair with an avoidant. They are built for this because they hide their avoidance behind the affair dyanmics. So you are confused if it's the affair or avoidance. Its both but its avoidance. They avoid their spouse open to you. Guilt hits and they discard you. Then they avoid their partner come to you. Its a never ending loop and you don't know if its only you or if there are others. Avoidants are crazy people.
Today is one of the days where she would initiate communication. I was waiting for her every week. She said she loves me. She was vulnerable with me. Now everything feels like a lie 2 weeks since last chat. I'm learning to live but my brain is still stuck in the intermittent reinforcement loop and waiting for its reward. She has moved on you should too. Hope is the most painful thing. You were by her side when she was sad, you supported her. I'm not asking for love but at least give me humanity. You wrecked me. A simple good bye would have been nicer. I know you since 18 years and never opened myself as much you showed you were interested but this isn't what you do to people you care about. Please end it with a closure. I know you're not capable of it. But my mind is stuck in the loop. Maybe I should have never reached out to you. Enjoy seeing me collapse.