the abused becomes the abuser
how have you dealt with a parent who has been abused by another parent which leads to them becoming an abuser to their own children? i'm 22F, my parents have always had a rocky (arranged) marriage, but as we're an Indian household, divorce doesn't seem to be an option for them. my mother claims that she wasn't so rude and agitated before marriage as she is today, and i know she has been through a tumultuous marriage where there is no love, and a lot of abuse, which is why it was initially easier for me to side her and be as distant with my father as possible. but i have also noticed that this has led to her becoming (then physically, now verbally) abusive towards me, especially me as there is still some empathy and "willingness to do better" towards my brother. i dont live with them anymore, but it sucks not being able to talk to your own mother without her either trauma dumping or treating our calls like a daily agenda, it's always "what's next?", the refusal leading to constant screaming and insulting and ultimatums, saying that i am bound to listen to her problems because "family matters" and that they're returning the favour (by all means i rarely share my issues that too because they've always wondered why i kept things to myself after the event passed), that i'm selfish for not doing so, and i'm only here for the money (which again, is also false - i have helped them save as much as i could, i stopped going home three years ago, never went on trips or had disposable money unless it was my very own, and the only time my mother has visited me to the states was during my graduation week that too after immense begging to just show up ffs). i'm at crossroads if i should completely cut her off, as she is still comparatively much nicer to my 15yo brother. my father and i are a bit distant as it is, though he is making an effort by calling everyday, has acknowledged the distance and wants to make ammends by checking in on me every single day, sometimes twice a day about my wellbeing.