u/Current-Mood-2291

I (19 F) and have to go to Sacramento with my sister (25 F). I am dating my boyfriend for almost two years now and my family knows him very well and they get along. He is a blue collar worker that travels for work. Right now he’s stationed at Burney, CA. I live 6 hours away from that.

We decided that we would meet in the middle and drive three hours to Sacramento. I told my parents that and they told me “You can only go if your sister goes with you.”. I said that’s cool since we have family there anyways who she can hangout with.

I asked and she agreed to come with me. But she jokes about having doubts. I told her straight up “If you don’t want to go then you don’t have to.”. She then replies with “If i don’t go you can’t go. Mom will take your keys if you still plan to go.”

I argued with her that I pay for my own car insurance and car. Yes, my parents helped me pay the car in full, but i’m paying monthly bills. I also had a big softball size rock hit my windshield that made the biggest crack and I had to call the insurance company and pay for the damage. and i didn’t even know how to do this, i had to search this up on the internet. I don’t mind to do all of this since it’s MY car, but my parents, particularly my dad, was mad at me for it and told me “no” when I asked if he can come with me to the car shop and accompany me. So I went by myself and nobody helped me. My dad was mad at me for days and would make remarks of that i shouldn’t take my car anywhere because i’m not responsible.

Then my sister got defensive and said that my parents let me live with them rent free, so that i should be grateful. That I live under their roof.

Yes, they can just be looking out for me and my safety. But they let my older brother and sister drive themselves to Sacramento in the past ever since they were both 16. And my parents don’t want anything to happen to my car which I get. But I’ve literally done everything i needed to do for my car, and nobody wanted to help me when it came to that crack.

So i’m a little upset and was wondering who’s in the right? I need differnt opinions.

I barely started listening to TwoHotTakes and would like to hear opinions and suggestions.

I (19F) live at home with my parents, my older sister (25F), and my older brother (26M). My sister and I have two dogs together, and my brother recently got a puppy.

My brother has bipolar disorder and has attempted suicide in the past. Because of that, my parents have spent years walking on eggshells around him. Whenever he lashes out, everyone—including my siblings—is usually expected to stay quiet so he doesn’t get more upset. I understand why they’re worried about him, but I don’t think his diagnosis excuses the way he treats people. This has been going on for years.

Before he got his puppy, there was never a strict schedule for picking up dog poop. We all just helped out when we could. Once he got his dog, though, he became obsessed with making sure everyone did an equal share.

One day, my brother picked up the dog poop but asked me to bag it and throw it away. I figured if he already picked it up, he could bag it himself like my sister and I always do. I didn’t ignore him—I honestly forgot. I’m a full-time college student taking over 15 units, I work part-time, and I also help with chores around the house. My brother works full-time but doesn’t really do household chores.

He reminded me again later, and I genuinely forgot a second time because I was buried in homework. That night, my sister texted me saying my brother was outside throwing a tantrum because I hadn’t bagged the poop.

I went outside, and while he was picking up more dog poop, he started yelling at me. He called me stupid, useless, and lazy over and over again because I hadn’t done what he asked. I explained that I’d simply forgotten and that I had a lot on my plate with school, work, and chores.

To end the argument, I immediately bagged the dog poop and walked it to our trash cans at the curb.

That’s when I saw my brother throwing the fresh dog poop he had just picked up onto my car.
I was shocked and asked him what he was doing. He yelled back that I was stupid and should’ve listened to him in the first place.

Luckily, I had my keys with me, so I got in my car and drove straight to my boyfriend’s house to cool off—even though my car had dog poop on it.
After sitting there for a while, I got angrier. I thought, “If he thinks it’s okay to throw dog poop on my car, then maybe he should know what that feels like since he also the petty type.”

So my boyfriend and I drove back to my house. I smeared the dog poop onto my brother’s Honda Civic Type R and even spit on it. Petty of me, I know. Then we left, and my boyfriend’s parents let me use their driveway and hose to clean my own car.

The next morning, my mom texted me asking why I would do that to my brother’s car. She had security camera footage of me doing it.
I told her I was done always being the bigger person and that my older brother is supposed to be the person to have my back. My brother threw dog poop on my car first, and I was tired of everyone expecting me to stay quiet while he got away with everything. I also told her I felt like my parents always took his side because he’s their oldest son and because of his mental health diagnosis, I’ve told them that before too. I don’t think that excuses the way he treats people.

My mom said she talked to him, but he never apologized to me. We never sat down and worked anything out. This made me feel like my parents still took his side.

Instead, we now communicate almost entirely through my sister.

After that incident, my sister made a dog poop schedule. Luckily, my brother agreed. My days are Monday and Wednesday at the end of the day.

On one of my first days, I cleaned the yard after dark using only my phone flashlight. The next morning, my brother walked around the yard looking for any poop I might have missed. He found 3 pieces I couldn’t see in the dark and immediately sent a message in our family group chat calling me lazy and saying I needed to “do a better job.”

I explained that it was dark and I genuinely couldn’t see everything. He insisted I was lying, said I did it on purpose, called me dumb and lazy again, and even said that if I didn’t do things right for him, he wouldn’t do things right for me. Then he sent me a long paragraph saying I didn’t love him and couldn’t even take care of him.

I left him on read.

Since then, I’ve made sure to clean the yard really thoroughly on my assigned days, and he hasn’t criticized my work anymore.

The problem now is that my parents will sometimes ask me to pick up dog poop on days that aren’t mine for a quick cleanup. I refuse because I’m tired of the double standard. They tell me I’m making dog poop into a huge issue, but I remind them that this whole conflict started because of my brother. Sometimes when he’s there at that moment, he’ll even laugh and tell me I should listen to our parents—even when it’s his assigned day.

Nothing has ever been resolved. I have this resentment and hate for my brother. My brother has never apologized for throwing dog poop on my car, calling me names, or constantly belittling me. Honestly, I don’t really have a relationship with him anymore. I don’t care to. It just hurts that my older brother, the one to have my back and protect me, is now my biggest enemy.

So… AITA for throwing dog poop on his car after he threw it on mine? And please share some advice.