Dear Nick,
There is something I have wanted to tell you all day, over and over again ...
I love you.
For what it’s worth, I want to call you right now just to say it. I want to forget the whole world for a moment, forget the reasons why, forget what is right or wrong, and simply tell you what I have been carrying in my heart: I love you.
Four months have passed, and I still love you. I miss you so much.
I would never ask you to give up everything, because I know that would be wrong, and I know you never would. Not for me. Maybe you never loved me enough to leave it all behind. Maybe you never will. But somehow, that has never stopped me from loving you. My heart still reaches for you, like breathing without thought.
I cannot explain it. After everything, all I know is that I love you.
So tonight, let me love you blindly, aimlessly, without demands, if only in my thoughts. Because tomorrow I must return to reality, to the distance I have worked so hard to create between us. Tomorrow I will become sensible again. I will silence these feelings and push away these thoughts I know I should not have.
When you reached out to me, soft, tender, vulnerable, I had to fight so hard not to fall back into everything we once were. I wanted nothing more than to run to you, hold you tightly, and tell you I would always be there whenever you needed me.
But I cannot be that person for you. Not anymore.
Still, right now, tonight, I love you. Very much.
No matter what happened, I could never bring myself to think badly of you. I love you.
And if I ever get one last chance to tell you that while hearing your voice again, I think I would hold onto that moment with everything in me. Maybe then I could truly let you go.
But whether that day ever comes or not, I know I have to learn to move on without you. Because it is what is best for all of us.
It is the only way.
I love you, Nick.
Always,
Annie