u/CxxoJCat

Hello, I am new to this subreddit (and Reddit in general a bit). I would just like to share my experience as best I can and hope that someone understands.

I feel like I am a heavy empath, but it’s difficult to explain. I have HUGE cognitive empathy—I can always figure out where someone is coming from, and I have become the ‘therapist’ friend in my group because I can always tell people other perspectives and where things might be coming from even before the subject knows it. I am pretty good at handling disputes diplomatically for that reason. I am the one who puts out fires, basically.

I care about my friends and partner a LOT. So much so that I think it’s draining me. I don’t necessarily feel their feelings, but I do get anxious, worried, and/or sad when they are going through hard times. Their specific emotions do not transfer to me, but I feel down and heavier when their burdens are shared.

My partner in particular… I don’t know why but I feel so much heavier now knowing everything he goes through. An example is that he was diagnosed with a chronic pain disorder recently and I am coping far less well than even he is. I just can’t stand knowing he’s in pain. He is optimistic and kind about it, but I am suffering. I do not feel his pain, I just am constantly depressed and bothered by the fact that he is feeling it and it’s not going away. This is a feeling I get all the time with a few different people.

I feel as though I’m constantly hitting my limit on how much I can care about everyone around me, and so I constantly feel detached and majorly anhedonic when it comes to my own life. But it’s not as though I feel nothing—every time I think about my friends/partner again I feel so much that it almost shuts my brain and body down. It’s become a cycle I can’t stop.

I can’t distance myself from them or I feel so isolated and lonely. But being close triggers another overwhelm of feeling. I feel like my brain has constructed a trap for itself that I can’t see a way out of. I’m depressed all the time now, and I can’t figure out how to find balance or a way to cope with this.

Many have said “that’s just life,” meaning life is always this hard… but that makes me feel like the walls are closing in. I don’t want to feel this way forever. But I can’t turn my brain off. I can’t just stop caring.

I’m not necessarily asking for advice but venting on reddit lately in a few other places has helped me understand others’ situations. It helps to know I may not be alone. Thank you

Hello all.

I am new to this subreddit, my therapist recommended it to me. I also am worried that I may say the wrong things and for that I am sorry. I am very very new to this situation and I am struggling to sort my feelings out so this is a bit of a vent, maybe. I hope that is okay.

I am turning 26 in a week. My partner is 6 months older than me. We’ve been dating for nearly 2 years, friends for much longer.

In January he was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder. He is now being seen by a pain specialist for suspected fibromyalgia. I am not going so far as to say I am a caregiver nearly to the extent that I see from a lot of people here—he is quite independent. But he is also AuDHD so I do manage a lot of his appointments and treatments.

I think the biggest thing I’m dealing with is what I did not know. He is handling things so much better than me, which feels awful because he is the one struggling. But I did not know that dissociation and pain were his baselines, and now that I do, I feel completely devastated.

I do not want him to be in pain. Of course, nobody does. I love him, and I do not want to be without him, but knowing he is feeling this way all the time is hurting me so much. I cannot enjoy our time together because I’m always wondering about it, always feeling so awful even when he is not. I don’t know how to turn my brain off.

Because of this, and the constant appointments, I feel like I’ve been developing compassion fatigue. I’ve started to detach because it’s easier than feeling the worry and fear and sadness for him. It’s easier to feel nothing. But now I worry it will permanently damage our relationship. I cannot think about him or anything anymore without worrying.

I know that it is something that is wrong with me. I do not in any way blame him for his illness and all I want to do is help. He says me being there is enough, but it does not feel like enough to me. I fear that I just can’t help him at all, that he will always be in pain and suffering. I fear it will be this way forever. I fear I will not get past it. I don’t want to lose him, physically or emotionally. I wish I could go back to how things were before I knew, but I know that wouldn’t change anything.

Our relationship feels different now. I think it’s because of me and my brain, mostly. I think I’ve messed things up. But I don’t know how to stop.

I’m not looking for advice necessarily. I’m not sure there is any. It would just help to know I’m not alone.

Just figured I’d drop a post here because a lot of the ones I’ve been seeing have been about chronic fatigue beginning around a certain time (which is entirely understandable). I haven’t seen many who have had it always. I am new though so maybe am just missing them.

Either way—I do not remember a time where I’ve not been tired. My memory of my childhood is vague (I have aphantasia) but I know that at least in middle school and high school I’ve felt this way, and I’m 26 now.

Exercise, sunlight, movement, vitamins, nothing helps. Some things make me a little less tired, but never energized. Sleep doesn’t change anything. Tired in some way from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I’ve never had a sleep that refreshes me.

Insurance keeps rejecting a sleep study in a clinic but I’ve had an at-home test with no results. I don’t have any other chronic illness (that I know of) and no other symptoms of anything. As far as anyone can tell, I’m perfectly healthy. I have anemia and ADHD, and I thought maybe one of those was causing the issue, but I’ve been taking meds that have helped both over the past year and the tiredness is still there, as bad as ever if not worse. Anemia is gone now.

I don’t expect answers. Mostly I just wanted to share my experience and see if anyone felt the same. I’m currently lying in bed wishing it was late enough that I could justify going to sleep because I can’t bring myself to do anything else. Some days are better today has been hard. Thank you for reading.