u/D-Fens96

I (30m) met my girlfriend (24f) last summer. We clicked instantly and became friends. Within a few months, she and I developed feelings for each other. I asked her out on Halloween, and we have been dating since.

This woman has stolen my heart. She is ambitious, intelligent, creative, and downright beautiful. Our chemistry is out of this world. We already have so many great memories together. She pulled me out of a dark place and made me a better man.

With that said, there is one issue in our relationship that I am struggling to navigate. My girlfriend has an intense fear of abandonment. This causes her to have emotional spirals, where she becomes clingy, jealous, and needs constant reassurance. These episodes are rare but seem to be escalating.

Last night, we grabbed dinner and hung out at her apartment. I had a rough day and was not in the best mood. She noticed this and asked if everything was okay. I told her I was burned out from work, but she was convinced it was her that I was upset with. This began an argument, and in a moment of frustration, I said I was too tired to go through another emotional episode.

That was such a shitty thing for me to say, and I regretted it instantly. Before I could apologize, my girlfriend snapped. She got an inch away from my face and snarled, "What did you fucking say? You better watch how you speak to me." Her eyes seemed to turn black. I know I deserved it, but that was the first time I had seen her that way. It was honestly kind of terrifying.

I took a step back and stumbled onto the couch. I think she knew I was startled because her demeanor changed. She fell into my arms, crying and desperately apologizing. I held her and told her I was sorry also. She calmed down when I convinced her we were not breaking up.

What is the best course of action here? I love my girlfriend and want to support her in a way that truly helps. No matter how much reassurance I give, her relief only seems temporary. She is such a kind, sweet soul, and it breaks my heart seeing her in distress.

TL;DR – My girlfriend has an intense fear of abandonment. How can I make her feel safe and secure during her emotional spirals?