u/D0ctorL

I'm not even 100% sure how to word this. I'll leave a TL;DR.

Say I'm joining a dating app, for the first time in a long time. Done some self-discovery, learned things about myself, feeling ready to get back out there.

I WANT to put "kink friendly!" At the bottom somewhere, to let other kinky people know that it's important to me and I'll be safe for them, as well.

BUT, I'm afraid that I'm literally so close to vanilla that it's going to be... Uh... Bait? Idk what word to use. Like, someone adds me, tells me about their kinks, and 9/10 times I'm probably too vanilla for them, so it causes friction.

TL;DR: *At what point is there basically no reason to put any kind of kink label on a dating app or anything, because you're not kinky ENOUGH? Too vanilla to be called kinky?*

Let's say you walk into the grocery store to grab whatever you're there for. While there, you spot someone who's practically your dream partner, at least in terms of appearance. You've never seen them before, but your heart skips a beat. You may never see them again - you're in your mid-late 20's, and it looks like they are, too.

Do you shoot your shot? Approach them? Tell them you think they're gorgeous/handsome/whatever you like to say? You love their outfit? Their hair? Tattoos? Say you just HAD to introduce yourself?

Or do you let this go by, because you've never met them before and you have nothing in common to make the approach easier, and neither of you are in a place where being approached by a stranger is more accepted? Keep in mind, you've never seen them before, and you might never again.

Would love input from everyone, but for me, in my case, I'm 28M and I'd have approached a woman. No idea how old she was. (I chickened out.) I'll take any perspective, but that perspective is the most helpful.

Edit: clarified the dream partner thing.

Are there any actual functioning kinky dating apps? Ones that aren't broken, require money to do basic things, and are at least a little popular? I'm thinking of trying one, but I'm not sure which to use. FetLife, in my area (Canada) seems like mostly polyamory (I'm monogamous), men (I'm a straight guy) and people outside my age range. If there's an app that'll do better, please let me know and share your experiences! :)

I've been keeping my collection in a cloth Walmart bag, but it's getting a bit too big for that... Not to mention the spreader bar... Considering I live in a small apartment, I'm not 100% sure what I should be storing my gear in. What do you guys use? Large box? Suitcase? Plastic tote with a liner?

So I play Riftbound with my buddies in 4 man pod. We tend to play fairly casually. I'm the one that knows the rules the best, so I've got to teach the others. I have a solid grasp of how passing priority and focus goes; in a 4 Player pod, all players in clockwise order must be asked if they want to respond to a spell with a reaction, or during a showdown, etc..

Is there a LEGAL way to speed this up in 4 Player? Like, judge level question. Am I allowed to simply just ask "does anyone have a response" to whatever I'm doing, and let whoever wants to say "yes" and do their thing? Or do I have to ask every player at the table, in clockwise order, if they want to respond EVERY time a window opens? It's... Boring them greatly.

To all the subs out there, I have a question. Say you've got a Dom, things are well established, and you have a small dynamic outside the bedroom. Say your Dom comes home with a special bar of soap, body spray, etc. (think Lush) and told you to shower with/wear this whenever they're around, because the scent turns them on and they want that scent on you, specifically. Hot, or weird?

Hey guys. I could use some advice here. I'm a 28 year old guy, and I identify as a Dom. I've dated some subs that wanted me to do CNC with them. The relationships ended before it ever occurred, but after really taking the time to think about CNC and what it entails... Idk if I can do it.

I love controlling my sub. Choosing what they wear. Telling them what to do. Using toys, rope, whatever. But my ultimate objective is to make them happy. To give them pleasure. I'm not a sadist. I don't like dealing pain unless asked to. I once saw the fear in a brat's eyes when I tied her up for the first time, and I almost had to stop the scene right there, I was so worried about actually scaring her. She loved it. Still was... Unnerving.

The thought of full on CNC... Telling her to shut up, just take it, ignoring the word no, or the word stop, forcing her even with resistance... Safe word or not, if my partner says the word STOP, I am going limper than a wet noodle and I'm going straight into caregiver mode. I hurt my baby, no one hurts my baby. Even if I know it's an act. I know we talked it out. We established boundaries. This is what she wants. Idk if I can go through with it. It makes me feel sick.

My question is... Is there a way to "get over" this... Uh... Idk what to call it... For the sake of my future partners? Is there a way some of the Doms in the crowd that think like me have managed to work around their caregiver instincts in order to provide what your sub wants? Or... Is it better if I just say I'm not comfortable with it? It's not doing any harm to me, it's not crossing my boundaries like not being comfortable with pegging and your partner asking to peg you would be... Idk. I feel the need to make them happy. I want to. Is there a way to do it?

I'm a Dom in the bedroom, absolutely cannot be a sub or switch due to past stuff. Sure, I'm a softer Dom, I don't like causing pain very much, but I'll do it for my partner if they want it.

People I meet irl consistently assume I'm a sub. The way I carry myself, the way I act. "Overly polite", chatty, nervous and unsure how to stand/where to put my hands when talking to women I like (neurodivergence). I've had people match with me online assuming I was a sub, I've had people swipe left on me the first time because of the "sub energy" I give off. People at work that I've talked to about this stuff assumed I was, too.

I honestly think it's hurting my chances at finding a partner, and I really wish I knew how to come across as more of a Dom, without changing my personality, or doing anything creepy.

Any tips? Words of encouragement? Could use some. Thanks, you guys

I intend to lose a solid 30-40 pounds (already working on it, but I've hardly started, and I know my face shape is going to change after. Should I wait until after I do that to ask for beard advice, or is whatever face shape not really a factor?