u/DCSS18

I posted here a few times about my 5 year old daughter, and it’s such a help. Tysm for this community!!! We recently moved to a country with a new language and culture and it’s been a hard adjustment for everyone. My daughter was first placed in a kindergarten class even though she was 4 and then we switched her to the right age group. The only thing is that there are no English speakers- not a single teacher, not a single kid.
My daughter knew 2 words of this language coming into school. In the beginning she had some behavioral issues (hitting, pushing), but now she really doesnt.

I paid privately for a speech and language evaluation, I paid privately for a psychiatrist consult. And I took her to a developmental doctor. All 3 told me that I should wait a few months to give her time to adjust, and it’s not fair to do further exams now like in depth psychological testing. But because we have an IEP meeting for her coming up to determine where she goes next year, they wrote in their reports “to follow up with psychological testing to rule out asd/adhd.” The psychiatrist last week told me “I really dont see anything glaringly ASD about your daughter, shes 5 years old, in a new country, with a New language, with anxiety which is to be expected.” When I mentioned she likes talking to the teachers by recess and not always playing he said. “So what? Shes 5 years old. She likes sitting next to her teacher or holding her hand. The girls in this country are raised more tough, your daughter is American and her second language is not strong enough to have conversational discourses” , I just got off the phone with the principal and teacher. They told me they’re surprised the psychiatrist said that because they think it’s something more. They also keep telling me she speaks perfect here. I don’t think that’s fair to say either. If she gets into a disagreement with someone in class, she doesn’t have the language to explain why it bothers her, what happened etc.

Keep in mind the teacher and principal have no formal training, it’s not like America. They dont have bachelors degrees, they’re young moms and the teachers in these schools are all young moms who work as preschool teachers

On the one hand, as a mother I am defensive. Why would an America 5 year old succeed in a school with 37 kids and 1 teacher- and two assistants? The main teacher leaves @2 so then for the afternoon it is only two teachers for 37 kids. How is that fair to my daughter? How is it fair to judge her performance when shes a recent immigrant and no one understands her. On the other hand, as an SLP I dont know what to do!

To do further psychological testing costs about $2000 out of pocket. I have $120 to my name, money is really really tight at the moment. Part of me wants to enroll her in a school closer to where we live, with girls that understand English and speak English, and see how she does come September. If after 2 months of the next school year she is still having issues, I would gladly get her evaluated more. I just dont think it’s fair to do it now when shes had so much upheaval in her life… she really was not in the right school setting this year

The teacher told me she does play with kids, she doesnt have 1 set friend but she can play with others nicely. The issue is that she asks a ton of questions, like - when is recess over, when are we going inside, what are we doing next, what time is dismissal. She also likes to sit next to the teacher and hold her hand and gets upset if she cant. And that her social skills aren’t as good as the other girls

1. Shes 5, and feels safe with her teacher
2. she also asks me alot of questions at home- I took some of your suggestions and we use timers or I say “Asked and answered.” Or “When the big hand on the clock gets to 5, you can have x.” Lately its happening more she asks me what the schedule is, what’s for dinner, what are we doing tomorrow
3. Our country was at war this year and she asked questions about dying and being killed

Do I come up with the money for the psych consult in a month? Is it not fair to her? I was told to ask the psychiatrist to write a dx or to write she has “emotional behavioral issues” and emphasize her struggles so that she gets placed in a special ed class that focuses on behavioral kids. I don’t even know what kind of examples I would give him …
Is that the answer? Or is allowing her to go to a general education school with kids that speak English better for her? Maybe I’m delusional and there is an issue?

She’s extremely bright, extremely chatty. I arranged a few play dates with her last week and they went really nicely.

Im not opposed to getting her help, I just dont know if I should give her time or do it now.

I couldn’t add another flair but teachers obviously welcome too!! My daughter is 5 (turning 6 january) and will be starting kindergarten in the fall. We are currently living abroad and the education system here is VERY subpar so I supplement at home regardless. She is a very chatty girl and when we do HW (a few nights a week from notebooks I purchased and brought here) she loves it … we do: ABCs (writing and sounding out), writing numbers, and sounding out words. For ex: I’ll sound out a word and she will practice writing it.

I’m a SLP by trade so have some working knowledge of teaching but don’t really focus on this age group.

I know that next year she’ll be learning the letters of this country’s alphabet, phonics, and basic math. English isn’t taught until 3rd grade! We speak English at home though, so I plan on supplementing also for that.

She came in this year not speaking a word of a language, so even if next year she does not learn anything and just works on building up her vocabulary I’ll be very happy

However, I don’t want her to not be educated in English subjects. And I want to know how I can go about finding what she should know at that age, and activities to work on together. I remember when I was in kindergarten I used to get homework packets.

I’m coming into America this summer, and I’m happy to buy books or workbooks to do with her. Does anyone have ideas of where I can start? Or has anyone homeschooled at this age and has a curriculum I can see? I don’t really know what kindergarten students work on. How do I teach her sight words? So many qs lol

This forum is so amazing and helpful to me.
We live in a country where we have to do a sort of meeting at the end of the summer to determine where our child goes to school for the following year. It’s very bureaucratic and a lot of paperwork.
A psychologist wasn’t able to see my daughter until next month and she told me it takes about nine weeks in total from start to finish , and because I needed something asap I was told to do a psychiatric assessment as well since that only takes a week (700$ later for a dumb paper).
I didn’t cancel the in-depth evaluation because I just think for my own sanity I will never be calm until I know for sure what it is and if it is anything or if it’s neurotypical or not. It’s just a lot of money (3000$)

The psychiatrist said he doesn’t see anything glaringly asd about her and the deficits I am seeing can be contributed to moving into a new country and the social cues here and learning a new culture. And that I should hold off on doing a psychological in-depth evaluation for another couple of months. He’s also more old-school…. I really just needed him to write a report for me….

When I mentioned the fleeting eye contact, he said that she had very sufficient eye contact for her age and not everyone makes 100% eye contact at all times (my daughter does make eye contact, but sometimes will look away or move on to another topic)

I spoke to her principal today, who told me that she’s doing much better from th beginning of the year, but it’s still hard for her interacting with kids in her class. Keep in mind that no one in the class speaks English, and my daughter didn’t speak a word of Hebrew coming into the class. So her social skills issues were just heightened by the language deficits.
The teacher told me by recess she does play with kids, but also enjoys sitting with the teachers or helping her. So the teacher will give her tasks like handing out lunch, going to the office…

At home she also loves feeling a grown up, she likes cooking, playing mommy and baby, doing “dishes”.
What can I make of this? Is this age appropriate? How can I encourage her to play more with her friends?
At the beginning of the year a concern the teacher told me was that my daughter liked sitting next to her and holding her hand constantly, but I didn’t know if I should attribute that to my daughter just being a little bit more nervous and wanting to be next to someone very loving (her teacher is very warm/kind)

ETA: she is a bit of a worrier in general, especially since we live in a country constantly at war and she knows people killed. She asks me when I am going to die, what happens if she can’t get to a bomb shelter in time, what if someone tries to shoot her. The psychiatrist told me unfortunately it is common but to just validate her and and explain things

No official dx yet but I’m waiting for a private eval in the meantime my daughter just loves brushing her teeth and it can be like 4x a day. Now my 2 year old does the same and I don’t know if this is something worth mentioning to the psych eval or if it’s just normal kids stuff
She spits out the toothpaste she just likes the feel of the mint toothpaste. Her OT told me to get her an electric toothbrush and she loves rubbing it on her cheeks or tickling people with it omg. In general she likes to put stuff in her mouth (necklaces or whatever, if I catch her she knows to take it out and it’s not all the time) and she loves sour foods like lemons or salt on veggies or strong flavors. Her OT told me no chewy tubes or necklaces and to curb it down and to give her gum when she wants to chew something. She doesn’t chew clothing or her sleeves and st school she doesn’t do it. I noticed she started thumb sucking lately… (she is having a hard time in school)

I hid the electric one and now she’s using a regular toothbrush. She has perfect teeth and no cavities etc
I’m at my wits end I threaten her and tell her I’m going to call the dentist who will pull out her teeth and I can’t believe I tell her that but then she stops. I’m at my wits end I am so so patient with her but this just bothers me to no end. She’ll sometimes say “can I brush my teeth my mouth feels dirty?”
If I tell her “we’re not brushing our teeth now” she’ll put it away and drop the subject
She’s very inquisitive by nature and talks a ton so sometimes I just need a break …. I don’t let them watch tv everyday but when I do I feel suck guilt I’ll let my kids watch peppa pig for an hour so I can do dishes then I make them turn it off and play with toys