u/Daintydaisy332

Hiiiii,

just looking for someone to chat to, swap music with, and get to know in general. I’m just bored and spend far too much time in my own head.

Cheers.

You,

It’s almost another ‘morrow. I reached out the other night. You barely said two words. I’d have overlooked it if I didn’t know you. We spun circles around each other for so long, I memorised your every mood. Every tactic you employed in your playbook.

We’d wake together, schedule breaks for everything from coffee to when we ate. The onus of that is on you, you were older, wiser, more liberated than me. So you led the dance. Imagine a dance lasting just gone 3 years.

We never did anything but enjoy each other’s company, subtle games of words with friends where no words were ever enough; dumb movies neither of us was paying attention to.

Then you ghosted, a year didn’t fly by, it dragged. Nails on a chalkboard, kicked more energy out of me than I could afford. I built my routine back up. I told myself you’d be back. Filled times marked ‘A- Date Night.’ with solo time because, what else was I supposed to do? Drink? You never drank, I hate who I am when I drink.
Pills? Barely touched the torched sides. So I whispered that you’d be back.

And taught myself that when someone says they love me, when someone wants my company? It’s not for me. It’s for what they can drain from my psyche.

Thank you.

M
‘x’

You,

My soul burns tonight. Like not in the poetic ‘I miss what we had’ kind of way. I mean something is carrying an agony with a weight I can’t quantify.

I scroll Netflix rarely but I came across ‘our’ show on there earlier. It hurt. The thing is, it hurts because you’re so within reach but out of it just the same. So I set you free, even though when we’re around each other we throw verbal punches like it’s a sport.

It’s in the being within reach, but not quite. In the empty space between proceed and ‘do not pass go’ where I feel tears well up, sometimes. Not always, anymore. I appreciate consistency, but I appreciate the honesty more. You just…wanted the company. The awe, the loyalty.

More fool me, innit.

M
X

Exhaustion isn’t a tornado
It’s an ellipsis,
when all I ever asked for was a full stop.

Continuous
deceptive

A vapid python
break-speed, break-neck
back-broken as I rush to each beck and call

Knowing its futility
I pick the scab infinitely
Finish me,

Slowly.