u/Dangerous-Exercise20

Hello! I'm an autistic AFAB (Assigned Female At birth) i use this term because while i was Born, raised and socialized as a girl, later in my life (around age 11/12) I realized I was actually Nonbinary than in my Adulthood. I realized i was Genderfluid.

For my transgirlies out there yes im talking to you queens💅🏾.... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KNOW that my wording intent isn't to be exclusionary but rather just MY experience from MY perspective as someone who is AFAB. I don't know much about the transwomen experience on this (i can definitely imagine tho🫠🫠) but my lived experience is my own as someone who's AFAB with LOTS of trans-masc friends who all were raised with the same social expectations as me. So im using it from that perspective. This crash course applies really ANYONE perceived as a women to the general public that experience this!!! Now that that's out of the way. Lets start!

I was a Late Diagnosed Autistic person. Its really common for Autistic AFABs to go undiagnosed until adulthood because how early on we are expected to heavily mask. One of the main challenges Autistic AFABs tend to face is more often than not the social aspect! Why? Well. Girls and women are raised to have an indirect communication style to avoid conflict. And a lot of us autistic people who have social cues struggles tend to struggle to pick up on this Literal vs Actual meaning style of communication.

Lots of AFABs kinda get it to an extent since its used within our friend groups that consist of other girls or women raised the same way. This kinda communication style looks kinda like this

"I would love to go, but things have been so busy lately!"

The literal meaning is An update on how much work they have. Right? However,

The Actual meaning is

"I can not or do not want to go, but I am saying 'no' softly to avoid potentally hurting any feelings."

This kind of communication is taught to AFABs to avoid upsetting anyone and acting as a mediator in an argument so you're kinda expected to read between the lines and connect the dots. Which is hard rather your AFAB or AMAB. And adds a layer of difficulty to it so its important not to take CERTIN things TOO literal. For example "its getting a bit warm in here right?" isnt talking about the literal weather changing a bit its a kind request to maybe open a window or turn on the air conditioner.

🚨FELLAS i REALLY WANT YOU GUYS TO READ THIS PART🚨

If you approach women who are alone in some way as a guy (cold approach) or start a full conversation after say a check in or what is call a "Just being nice" moment. This communication style does one of 2 things.

1. It gets enhanced because you're a strange man and they don't know the temperment of you nor how you'll react if they tell you to leave them alone directly, since they don't KNOW your autistic or a chill guy. They just know you're a strange man talking to them and they're uncomfortable. So it comes off as overly friendly

Or

2. they will come up with a statment, insult or question to throw you off or tell you "i have a partner" to get you to leave them alone. on your own to end the interaction without directly saying it.

1 in 3 women experience SA, Harassment or Stalking. Meaning statistically for every 3 women in your life. At least 1 of them experienced this. No one wants to be a statistic so its best to be friendly or come up with a Nonsensical statment to get a strange man to leave than risk getting physically harmed.

I saw a post a couple of days ago. A young man had tripped in front of a young woman. She asked him if he was ok to be nice to the OP since he had tripped in front of her. He said "Yes" than took the kindness as an invitation for a full conversation with this young women she was alone. I assume she panicked Which ended in her telling him he looked dirty. He left. Than posted the interactions saying he felt rejected. This is an extremely valid response from the OP or anyone.

That OP wasn't at fault for feeling that way at all. I saw other AFABs who understood way she reacted the way she did and Explained it to OP he understood it from an AFABs perspectives once he was told the Why. YAY :D. HOWEVER, some of the Guys in OPs comments were calling her horrid names and insulting her in response. THIS REACTION is what AFABs and women want to avoid in public. Getting cursed out, physically hurt or followed by the guys who felt rejected or were mad at her for reacting the way she did. Should she have said what she said? No. Do i understand WHY that was what she did? Yes.

If you ever have a similar interaction to that OP as a Guy and you're trying to communicate with AFABs PLEASE don't take it to heart or as them rejecting you as a person. Its more like a social script than an actual attack on your person. For socializing with AFABs Its honestly a much a better alternitive to socialize in social hobby space as a guy than out in the wild (think your Local TTRPG spaces, Your Card shops, your school clubs if you're college or HS age) you actually have a much better success rate in these spaces because its a shared hobby space so everyone is off guard and more likely to feel more relaxed 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️