I (22F) have two older sisters, and I’m the youngest. My oldest sister (37F) has been living abroad basically my whole life, and my other sister (31F) moved to her city last year. I love them both deeply and we’re close in our own way, but it’s been really hard for me lately. I miss them a lot and often feel left out.
Growing up, our dynamic was always a bit complicated. They’re much closer in age, and I often felt like I was too young to fully connect with them or be included in their bond. I used to feel jealous of that, even though they’ve always been there for me in different ways.
In the past couple of years, they both got married, and they were each other’s maids of honor. That kind of reinforced the feeling that they have this shared life that I’m not really part of.
Recently, my oldest sister had a baby. I can’t help but feel like part of the reason she felt ready to do that was because my other sister now lives close to her, so she has that support system nearby.
She gave birth to her son at the beginning of Мarch, and i couldn’t be there because i had to look after my parents animals, and i took it very hard, because I really wanted to share this moment with her and my whole family.
I went to meet the baby at the beginning of April, and I completely fell in love with him. He is the sweetest little boy, I couldn't stop crying when I hugged him for the first time. I'm devastated that I live so far away and I won't be around him as he grows up. I'm scared that we will never be close, and I'll just be the weird facetime aunt for him.
I don't know why, but I really hoped they will ask me to be the Godmother. I felt like this way I will have a meaningful part of his life, and I will feel closer to them. But they didn't. They asked my sister. Logically, I understand it. She lives closer to them, they have always had a closer relationship, but I still can't shake the feeling of sadness, disappointment and even anger. Why do they always leave me out? Why can't I be apart of their family? It feels like I don’t have a meaningful role in their lives, even if I know that’s not their intention.
I am not sure whether I should tell my sister how I feel, because I don’t want her to ask me to be the Godmother out of guilt. Is there anything I can do to cope with this feeling of being left out or to change the dynamic somehow? How to “forgive” and move past it without bitterness? In general, has anyone felt this way with their siblings and how did you manage to continue building a relationship even when you feel so out of place?
(English isn’t my first language, sorry if this is written awkward)