u/DarklyDreamingMe

Hello! I’m looking to change my name from my current legal one to something a bit more fitting! My current legal name is not my birthname but the circumstances around getting it legally changed don’t have the best memories attached and the name doesn’t fit my current understanding of my gender.

I’m looking for something VERY neutral. Or even better a traditionally feminine or masculine name with a nickname that typically given to the “opposite” gender. For example I’ve liked Adonis with the nickname Addie or Madden with the nickname Maddie. Something like how most people associate the nickname Charlie with men but it can also be a nickname for Charlotte!

I do want my name to have significance to me. Things that are important to me are dogs (my special interest, theater, shows like Sabrina the teenage witch and bojack horseman, anything Disney, Overwatch (cringe I know), and my heritage (English, Irish, and German). Important people in my life are my great grandfather, Rayford Eugene, and my brother, Miles.

Overall, I want some option for names that have a nickname with different gender connotations, have a meaning to me, and MUST work with the middle name Benjamin, which I will be keeping. I know this is a lot of criteria but if anyone has suggestions please let me know!!!

I’m genderfluid and transmmasc. My goal for presentation isn’t necessarily androgyny in the sense of neither “male” nor “female” but instead a combination of both traits typically seen as “masculine“ and traits typically seen as “feminine“. My goal it to confuse people honestly. I don’t want to pass as anything. Being seen as a cis woman or cis man is honestly my worst nightmare gender wise. I was on testosterone for 6 months and loved every second of it (besides body fat redistribution), but I had to stop for health reasons. We seem to have figured out the root cause of what was going on and I can restart testosterone when I’m ready. I plan to go on a much lower dose than I was before but I’m genuinely scared of going too far towards what society would perceive as “male.” I know this is some peoples dream but for me, testosterone is about changing the parts of my body that give ME dysphoria, not wanting SOMEONE ELSE to perceive me as a cis man. That did use to be my goal but that’s changed for me! I have so much respect and love for trans people who want to pass but it just isn something that would personally make me comfortable at this time. Lots of the things about my body that make me dysphoric were or potentially could be addressed by testosterone and my identity is masculine, but definitely not male. I do plan to get a radical breast reduction in the next 2-3 years and eventually get a form of metoidioplasty. I plan to combat body fat redistribution by building muscle in my hips, thighs, and shoulders and I can shave or not shave depending on how I’m feeling about body and facial hair. I’m also growing out my hair and plan to have it be well below shoulder length. I also wear a lot of makeup! I don’t want people to see a man in a dress and makeup and I don’t want people to see a woman with a deep voice. I want people to be confused or for different people to see me as a different genders even on the same day. Here are some pictures of me, I’m about 5’4 and my voice is deeper than it used to be from T but will hopefully get even deeper if I go back on it. I’m not comfortable in my presentation as it is and I also want to make sure I makes changes so that testosterone can help me become more comfortable like it did before instead of making me less comfortable like I’m paranoid it will. I try to remind myself that it helped me before but even then I still want to make changes. For those of you who have a similar identity or experience, what are some suggestions for things like hair cuts, clothing and makeup styles, and even names and pronouns (I don’t have a permanent chosen name and am still not sure about my pronouns) that I could experiment with to potentially achieve an appearance with a combination of traits and make me comfortable in my presentation?

*also if your going to tell me not to restart T please kindly move along from this post. I was on it for six months, I loved it, and I only stopped for medical reasons. I’m looking for advice on how T can be a part of achieving my desired presentation and what other things I can experiment with to help maximize the euphoria I get from T. Also I’m aware the pic of me in front of the Buccee’s is horrible, it’s just the most “masculine“ pic I have of me*