u/DarthKaboose

I’d love to hear what your favourite NSVs have been. Things for me to look forward as I lose the weight rather than just focusing on the numbers.

Things like seeing collarbones you didn’t know existed, or being able to go kayaking with your kids, or taking the stairs at work without getting out of breath, or going shopping with a friend and being able to actually try on clothes instead of awkwardly browsing earrings and handbags.

Anything that’s changed your life for the better is welcome, too. Enjoying the taste of healthy food now or getting sick less often.

Please share! I’ve got a long road ahead and want to look forward to the journey as much as the destination at the end.

I have three kids - 11, 9, 13 months. I’ve been off work since my youngest was born and it’s killing me.

I don’t know where to start. Everything I see talks about how lucky women are to stay home with their kids, experience the special moments rather than hear about it from someone else, etc. But that isn’t my experience at all.

I don’t know what special moments I’m experiencing. I’m experiencing a lot of dishes, and laundry, and having to come up with meals and snacks 5 times a day, and having my coffee spilled everywhere everytime I put it down and having no time to write or watch tv or do literally anything. Every day is Groundhog Day. I’m sick of the library where he just tries to eat the books, I’m sick of walks where I’m bored out of my skull, I’m sick of spending two hours a day trying to get him to sleep while he screams because he won’t sleep train. I’m sick of holding him for every contact nap a year in, I’m sick of him gnawing on my boob every 45 minutes all night long or he screams and won’t sleep, I’m sick of following him around my house while he wreaks havoc or stacking the same blocks over and over for him to knock them down. Every single day. The same stuff, constantly.

We can’t afford daycare. Even if I went back to work, I’m on such a low rate in entry-level PR and I’m not qualified in anything else to get a better pay. I’d love to be a published writer but I don’t have any time to write while chasing him around constantly.

Obligatory I love him to death, but I don’t love my life. At all. I’m broke, I’m exhausted, I’ve not slept in over a year, my husband works long hours and I could write a whole other post about his faults. We have no village. My in laws are shit, they’re ten minutes up the road and MIL doesn’t even work yet they won’t see our older kids even, but will have their cousin’s daughters over for sleepovers every weekend, and then they’ll make a grand display a few times a year and buy the kids anything they want and so the kids are kept on the hook. My parents aren’t any better effort wise but they have the excuse of living further away. 13 month old won’t even go to anyone else, we tried a sitter for our anniversary so we could go and get some dinner, the sitter called us an hour in because the baby was inconsolable.

I know that working doesn’t solve every problem, and I’d have to do a lot of this still on top of the job, but my god what I wouldn’t give to hand him over to someone and put on clothes that won’t get grubby with peanut butter and milk and go and sit and actually get something done for once that doesn’t involve my husband’s socks.

I have three kids: 10, 9, and 1.

My oldest two were formula fed pretty much from the start. I called it quits about a week in with my oldest, and only lasted a couple of days with my second. My third I’ve exclusively breastfed.

I much, much prefer formula feeding.

For starters, my recovery has been so much harder this time around. I’m southern hemisphere so at the tail end of flu season now and I’ve been hit with every illness known to man, sick for weeks, recurrent strep throat, you name it. My doctor said it’s because I’m depleted from breastfeeding without supplementation (I didn’t know you had to keep taking vitamins while breastfeeding). I feel so weak and awful.

Baby still isn’t sleeping through the night, which also contributes to me being run down. He’s up every hour, two hours, not even hungry, just wanting to nurse. On a bad night it’ll be every thirty minutes. I can’t soothe him to sleep any other way. My other two babies slept right through the night from just a couple months old.

And the cherry on top has been the mastitis. I’ve suffered with clogged ducts constantly, and I mean constantly, and full blown mastitis 5-6 times in the past year. It literally feels like dying. The last round was so bad I thought I’d gone into septic shock and made my peace with death and leaving everyone behind. That was when my husband told me firmly that it’s time to stop breastfeeding now that our son is a year old.

And what gets me is that everyone agrees. Even my lactation consultant, when I told her, said oh yeah definitely you’ve done a whole year that’s incredible! And I’m like… what? From 6 months onwards the legions of people who assume or get pushy about breastfeeding (I’m sure we can all relate, everyone from nurses to the mums at the primary school gate) suddenly asked when I was stopping.

And I just thought, is that it? Is this really what all the fuss is about? Just six months?

That’s what they have campaigns for, what toxic mom bloggers make graphics about on Canva, what hospitals traumatise new moms over? A measly six months, and then nobody cares. In fact, it’s thought of as ‘weird’ as soon as they get teeth.

I could go on. I could talk about the fact easy weight loss is a lie (I was back to pre-baby weight in just a few months after my first two, whereas I’m now the heaviest I’ve been in my life a year after my third, 20+lbs from my giving birth weight), the hideous nursing bras, the not being able to leave baby with anyone else and have a break, the fact half my social circle and a great many strangers have now seen my boobs.

All for a measly six months.

I can’t comprehend the people that say ‘oh but breastfeeding is so much easier, no need to wash bottles!’ That’s actually madness to me. Absolute madness.

Of course, everyone’s experience is different, but I just thought I’d share mine as I’ve been reflecting a lot while weaning.

Oh and that’s the other thing. Weaning? SO much harder. I can’t just quit cold turkey because of the mastitis risk. We’ve dropped all daytime feeds now, and I have absolutely no idea how to drop the nighttime ones without it being a disaster.

Anyway. Solidarity to all of us feeding babies, and if we go for #4, I’ll be formula feeding.

I’ve felt sick with anxiety ever since my salon visit today.

I have an almost one year old baby and booked in at a salon to get my hair done. I booked online for a full head of foils, toner and blow wave, and it came to around $350. A splurge, but one I needed for some me time after having baby and to feel pampered a little.

I got the service, she said she wanted to give me a trim as well to tidy up the ends so I knew it would be a bit more. Then we got to paying at the end and she took a while pricing up, then she handed the card machine over - $674. I was so in shock. She wouldn’t look at me at all, the salon was full, someone had been waiting a good 15 minutes overtime for my stylist while she finished up my hair, and frankly I was too embarrassed to say anything. I got my phone out and transferred money across from savings and paid, then got in my car and burst into tears. I can’t tell my husband and I’m so scared he’s going to see it and be mad because money is tight right now.

I don’t know what to do. I didn’t ask for a quote or pricing in person and I checked the website prices and they say long or thick hair can be extra. My hair isn’t long but is thick and she told me when doing it I have a lot of hair so I’m guessing that and the haircut added it on, but still, it’s a lot of money I wasn’t expecting.

To make matters worse she told me when I was there they have a promo where if you book your next 2 appointments you go in the draw to win a year of free hair appointments, I said that would be great and I’d do that (before it came time to pay). Because she was running late for her next client she said she’d call me later to book those in. I got a voicemail and she’s booked me in already and just told me the dates I need to be there, so now I have to call to cancel those. I’m so non-confrontational I was really hoping to just chalk it up to lesson learnt and not have to see her again so I’m dreading the call! I don’t want to open the can of worms with her, someone else I know had a bad experience with her when they didn’t buy a product she recommended and she got shitty with them. This friend can be very obstinate herself so I didn’t click it for a red flag, I thought it was just a butting heads situation.

Anyway. Lesson learnt to always always always ask for the price before beginning. I’m still so gutted, I can’t even sleep. I have my kids’ birthdays coming up and was already worried how I’d afford their presents and things, my brother is having to cover our dad’s birthday present this year because of it, and now I feel so selfish and vacuous for dropping an obscene amount on hair which, while lovely, isn’t even as blonde as I’d been hoping.

Anyone else dealt with bill shock after a salon visit?

Edit: I have reached out to the salon manager and asked for an itemised receipt to be emailed. Will update further once that comes through

Update: I received the below email

I have just had a good look at your appointment and costs etc..... When you booked online you didn't book for the Epres treatment that was added into the bleach which is $30 per application of bleach, there was also no extra product fees included for the amount of colour your hair absorbed.  It's pretty standard to pay $600-$800 for long thick hair to be coloured and cut these days, Especially if you're having a full head.

[stylist] said next time you wont need a full head & she has also said she felt you needed the treatment due to the condition of your hair. We have just discovered she didn't charge you for the haircut just the blowave.  [stylist] has said next time you can skip the treatment which is quite expensive, she will discuss this with you next time.

We do have a lot of people using afterpay for these bigger colour jobs just to help with the expense of having this done.

I know it it feels to be caught off Guard with prices..... I have asked [stylist] to quote you next time before the service.....

I apologize  for the lack of communication around the price but I can ensure you its very standard for the services preformed & amount of product that was used on your hair thick hair type.

Update 2: she sent the invoice as follows

INVOICE

Foils Full Head — $215.00

Toner Long — $85.00

Blowave — $69.00

Epres Treatment — $30.00
Epres Treatment — $30.00
Epres Treatment — $30.00

Extra Product — $200.00

Subtotal: $659.00
Total: $659.00
Payment with Card: $659.00

Actual amount charged to my card: $674.16
(apparently a 2.3% / $15.16 card surcharge)

Update 3: I have been told the $200 extra product was extra bleach and in total I had 350g bleach powder (not including the developer) applied. In total there were 7 scoops bleach and 3 epres treatments somehow divided between those bowls. I have been offered a refund for the epres treatments.

I’ve felt sick with anxiety ever since my salon visit today.

I have an almost one year old baby and booked in at a salon to get my hair done. I booked online for a full head of foils, toner and blow wave, and it came to around $350. A splurge, but one I needed for some me time after having baby and to feel pampered a little.

I got the service, she said she wanted to give me a trim as well to tidy up the ends so I knew it would be a bit more. Then we got to paying at the end and she took a while pricing up, then she handed the card machine over - $674. I was so in shock. She wouldn’t look at me at all, the salon was full, someone had been waiting a good 15 minutes overtime for my stylist while she finished up my hair, and frankly I was too embarrassed to say anything. I got my phone out and transferred money across from savings and paid, then got in my car and burst into tears. I can’t tell my husband and I’m so scared he’s going to see it and be mad because money is tight right now.

I don’t know what to do. I didn’t ask for a quote or pricing in person and I checked the website prices and they say long or thick hair can be extra. My hair isn’t long but is thick and she told me when doing it I have a lot of hair so I’m guessing that and the haircut added it on, but still, it’s a lot of money I wasn’t expecting.

To make matters worse she told me when I was there they have a promo where if you book your next 2 appointments you go in the draw to win a year of free hair appointments, I said that would be great and I’d do that (before it came time to pay). Because she was running late for her next client she said she’d call me later to book those in. I got a voicemail and she’s booked me in already and just told me the dates I need to be there, so now I have to call to cancel those. I’m so non-confrontational I was really hoping to just chalk it up to lesson learnt and not have to see her again so I’m dreading the call! I don’t want to open the can of worms with her, someone else I know had a bad experience with her when they didn’t buy a product she recommended and she got shitty with them. This friend can be very obstinate herself so I didn’t click it for a red flag, I thought it was just a butting heads situation.

Anyway. Lesson learnt to always always always ask for the price before beginning. I’m still so gutted, I can’t even sleep. I have my kids’ birthdays coming up and was already worried how I’d afford their presents and things, my brother is having to cover our dad’s birthday present this year because of it, and now I feel so selfish and vacuous for dropping an obscene amount on hair which, while lovely, isn’t even as blonde as I’d been hoping.

Anyone else dealt with bill shock after a salon visit?

Edit: I have reached out to the salon manager and asked for an itemised receipt to be emailed. Will update further once that comes through

Update: I received the below email

I have just had a good look at your appointment and costs etc..... When you booked online you didn't book for the Epres treatment that was added into the bleach which is $30 per application of bleach, there was also no extra product fees included for the amount of colour your hair absorbed.  It's pretty standard to pay $600-$800 for long thick hair to be coloured and cut these days, Especially if you're having a full head.

[stylist] said next time you wont need a full head & she has also said she felt you needed the treatment due to the condition of your hair. We have just discovered she didn't charge you for the haircut just the blowave.  [stylist] has said next time you can skip the treatment which is quite expensive, she will discuss this with you next time.

We do have a lot of people using afterpay for these bigger colour jobs just to help with the expense of having this done.

I know it it feels to be caught off Guard with prices..... I have asked [stylist] to quote you next time before the service.....

I apologize  for the lack of communication around the price but I can ensure you its very standard for the services preformed & amount of product that was used on your hair thick hair type.

Update 2: she sent the invoice as follows

INVOICE

Foils Full Head — $215.00

Toner Long — $85.00

Blowave — $69.00

Epres Treatment — $30.00
Epres Treatment — $30.00
Epres Treatment — $30.00

Extra Product — $200.00

Subtotal: $659.00
Total: $659.00
Payment with Card: $659.00

Actual amount charged to my card: $674.16
(apparently a 2.3% / $15.16 card surcharge)

Update 3: I have been told the $200 extra product was extra bleach and in total I had 350g bleach powder (not including the developer) applied. In total there were 7 scoops bleach and 3 epres treatments somehow divided between those bowls. I have been offered a refund for the epres treatments.

Middle child was sick as a dog and ended up in the ER with viral myositis, thankfully fine. Baby burned a fever of 40 for a day and came right, thankfully fine. Oldest child and husband haven’t caught so much as a sniffle. Me on the other hand, with the viral load of handling all the bedding, drink bottles, and being coughed on nonstop? Hit like a freight train.

Influenza A. (Southern hemisphere here, and there’s lots of reports of how bad it is in my town and local hospital, not that anyone who knows me seems to give a rats arse). Spent the first 4 days feeling barely human. All I could manage was to ask one of my children to refill my water bottle. Never known pain from the phlegm in my chest like it, chills so severe my teeth were chattering all night, feeling like I’d pass out every time I stood up - the full, absolute works. Anyone else would be in bed for days.

Me? Everyone’s acting like I’ve gone mad. Husband mentions that I need to get back to the bathroom renovation people. I remind him that I am sick. He blinks like he’s never heard this information before. Oldest child asks why he can’t have a sleepover with his friend. (He’s 11 years old and perfectly capable of understanding the word ‘sick’). I remind him I’m sick, he blinks like he’s never heard this information before. My dear father, who I have informed I am hit with full-blown influenza, asks me every day if I’m better yet as we need to get lunch together. No, dad, it is day 2 of influenza A, I’ve barely even begun the misery, I am absolutely not better.

One friend tells me getting sick is a ‘mindset’. Another asks me on day 4 how the funeral went, despite me telling her I wouldn’t be making it as I’m unwell. (‘Oh I thought you’d be better by now!’ YEAH, THAT WOULD BE LOVELY.)

Why has everyone lost the plot? Why is it incomprehensible that I’m sick for longer than 2 days? Has nobody heard of influenza before? People are telling me I need to work on my health and take immunity supplements. I think a full night’s sleep that I’ve not had in the year since the baby was born, not having two children coughing all over me all day long, and less stress might be a better place to start, but what the fuck do I know??

The house is a mess. I’ve drawn down our bank account with grocery deliveries and takeaways each day because I only have the energy and awake-window to sort out everyone for that one day. I’ve had to feed solids 5x a day, breastfeed in between, and keep up with a walking 11 month old with cabin fever on top of my other two kids being home. Yet everyone’s acting like I’ve decided to put in a voluntary leave of absence from life’s duties to put my feet up with a coffee and watch chick flicks all day! (For the record, not a single chick flick has even been watched on account of said children having no other way to school, it has been kid’s movies so I cannot even Elle Woods my way through this one).

What the fuck is going on???

Thankfully I’ve turned a corner now (day 7) yet im scared to even tell anyone that as I’ll be expected right back at full operational duties and I overdid it just catching up on the laundry this morning.

(For the record my husband has trauma from his mother, who is mentally unwell and has not left her bed à la Charlie and the Chocolate Factory grandparents in thirty odd years. If I’m sick or unwell or not operating efficiently, he freezes. He’s working on it, in the meantime, me being sick is something he struggles to handle, so he at least gets a pass.)

I’m currently at a BMI of 44.6. 10 months postpartum with my third and just beginning to find myself again. I have sorted out my mindset and begun eating well and have my deficit in place, I’ve done this before and know I can do it again. It’ll take time, and that’s okay. I’m walking 40 mins or so each day.

However, I’d also love to play netball again. I played when I was younger before kids and life happened where I gained weight, and played again just as a sub on a social team a few years ago about 40lbs lighter than I am now. It was hard, but I loved it.

There’s a social/ casual season that starts either October or February, it changes each year and I can’t find info for this season. Then there’s adult club netball starting next year.

I really want to play again for my mental health, for a hobby, for socialisation, all those reasons. However in my current state I’d be unable to.

How do I get myself there? Do I have to sit this season out until I’m lighter? What number would that be? How can I start strengthening my joints, getting my fitness right, etc. So I don’t get injured? Basically, how do I go from obese to athlete rather than just losing the weight? I’m not expecting to play for the national team (too old for that at 28) but I want to be good at it again and not injure myself.

A friend said to get chatGPT to make me a plan but I see a lot about avoiding AI usage so thought I’d ask here instead.

Any advice appreciated. Thank you!

Apologies for how dramatic it sounds but I am so tired, guys. Baby is 10 months old. Up multiple times a night from the day he was born. We co sleep, I’ve read the James McKenna book, nurse exclusively with solids now in the mix.

Today, I am barely functioning.

He is up constantly, constantly. Will not settle unless he is nursing and I can’t just leave him on because he’s given me a few bites with teeth that have drawn blood, damaged the breast so badly I couldn’t nurse on that side for a day or two and the pumping gave me mastitis, so I have to be very careful to unlatch him when he’s done to avoid it happening again.

I’m tired. I’m so so tired. It’s affecting my mood, my marriage, my ability to parent my other kids. My ten year old had a friend round for a sleepover and I’m mortified what he thought of us with the house a pig sty as I’m too exhausted to clean it, me barely involved as I’m like a zombie.

To add insult to injury my baby is so full on, barely naps and will only contact nap and wakes the second I try to shift us, severe separation anxiety and will scream if I leave the room but is also incredibly active, gets into everything and I mean everything, already walking, pulls my hair and hits all the time, throws things hard.

A friend recommended a sleep specialist and I thought I’d never sleep train but I really am considering it. I hate the thought of him crying, I can’t handle him even fussing for more than a moment (which means I end up using the toilet with him on my lap because he starts as soon as I try to leave). But I really need a break. Idk what to do.

Any advice appreciated. TIA

Third baby, first time successfully breastfeeding.

I struggled so badly at the beginning - large breasts, modest by nature, hungry baby. I wouldn’t even feed him at my in-laws house but would hide in the car or bathroom. I couldn’t go out anywhere for fear of feeding in public, my baby was hungry and fed constantly. I knew I had a right to feed but my worry was, I live in a small town, and if someone sees my nipple once, they’ve seen it for life and we’ll both know it every time I see them at the grocery store for the next fifty years. Lol

I bought a cover but struggled with that - our latch would suffer, I couldn’t see baby, I had an oversupply and he’d often choke and it would be a whole ordeal. All in all it was pretty miserable.

Over time, we became more confident. I think *I* became more confident in myself. I didn’t even realise it until I was at a friend’s house and just popped him on to feed and she gasped and said “YES go you, look at you feeding him! You’ve come so far!” (I’d spoken with her about my anxieties early on and the last time I was at her house had an awkward attempt beneath a cover).

I’ve since nursed in church, in restaurants, and yes, at my in-laws house. And last night at a sports game finals, with front row seats and a camera pointed right at us, I ended up feeding my baby.

We were very covered, I had a scarf and jacket on and he was wrapped up in a coat and hat. I did have a momentary fear of “Oh God, what if he chooses this moment to get distracted and whip his head round and I end up going viral for showing boob on television…” But it didn’t happen. And if it did, what better way to show so many other mothers that they have every right to feed their baby :)

I’m so proud of us. And for any other mums struggling in the early days with feeding in public who see ‘it gets easier’ please know it really does!

28F. 5’9. 300lbs. Currently breastfeeding my third child.

It’s now dawning on me after ten years of being obese that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to lose this weight. I’m angry that I got here. I’m angry the people around me let it happen. I’m angry I dieted myself big.

I look like the sort of person who eats two pies and a large bag of fries for lunch washed down with three sodas. I look like I live on junk food and stuff my face with desserts. None of that is true. I don’t even enjoy food. I don’t even like it. I’m sick of it and tired of it but the breastfeeding hunger is insane and I’m eating all day long.

I can’t take a GLP-1 or similar while breastfeeding. I could once I’m finished, but had hoped to feed for two years for WHO recommended health benefits. That gives me over a year to keep packing weight on.

I can’t do it. Every day I wake up and say it’ll be different. I’ll count my calories and get some movement. Every day it falls apart.

I’m so tired of this. I’m tired of living like this. I always felt like a thin person trapped in a fat body but now I’m starting to think actually, this is just me.

I don’t have much time before the health problems will begin. I’ve lost a decade of my twenties to being miserable. Unable to go kayaking or hiking or take a workout class. I’ll never ride a horse again or go clothes shopping in a normal store.

I hate this.

Trying to work out if it’s worth doing a limited number of free strategies when pitching clients. Have just begun freelancing. I’ve got experience from university and two past communications jobs but no usable case studies, testimonials, or social proof.

I commonly see two trains of thought — one that pro bono work in exchange for testimonials/ case studies is good for starting out. The other is that free work is always a no-no due to limited perceived value, lack of client investment causing problems with timeliness and implementation, and that it can put clients off if they get pitched for free feeling like they’re being pitied.

Where do you sit on this? What would you recommend?

8 mo is a biter. He defies all textbook explanations. It’s not when he’s bored or distracted. He’ll bite mid-feed with no warning. He’ll bite latching on. He’s drawn blood twice now. The pain is unmatched.

However, I have a weird reaction to weaning. (My older two were exclusively formula fed and I’d eye-roll at people saying similar stuff to this so I do apologise, lol!). I cry hysterically giving him a bottle. And I mean hysterically. It feels like the grief from when a family member died. I hate it and can’t work out why it happens as nobody else seems to know what I’m talking about. I’m putting it down to hormones. It’s not guilt related because I know rationally there’s nothing to feel guilty about, it’s a very irrational thing.

Any experiences or tips appreciated, thank you.

Curious to know. Share your stories here!

Little man is now 8 months and has cut two teeth. He has bit me twice now while nursing. Neither times were particularly distracted, this one was mid-feed when he was latched and guzzling happily then chomped so badly out of nowhere it drew blood. I screamed in pain, giving my other son with autism such a fright he was inconsolable for nearly an hour. My scream the first time it happened didn’t affect baby at all, this time it made him cry, too.

It’s still ongoing. I don’t know what to do. My goal was to feed to two years. I don’t want that pain again, it’s still so very sore now. Deep bite.

However, there’s so much I’ll miss about nursing. I don’t feel emotionally ready to stop but honestly, I don’t think I ever will. What am I meant to do to console him the 4 odd times he wakes at night if I can’t pop a boob out? How do I calm him when he’s fallen and hurt his head?

Breastfeeding has given us such a beautiful bond. I love those moments with him more than anything and it’s where I’ll go when I die and go to heaven. I’ll always be a wreck when it has to stop.

I’m also very prone to mastitis, have had it half a dozen times in as many months, and am worried about pumping because it aggravated it the last time I tried and we haven’t pumped since. I also hate anyone giving him a bottle, myself included. My hormones and instincts are all really weird and intense around exclusively nursing but good lord, I don’t want to feel this pain again!

Any help or advice appreciated. Used shields early days but they affected baby’s latch and contributed to the mastitis.

I am so staunchly anti sleep training. It breaks my heart to even think of. I’ve read the James McKenna book, baby and I have co-slept and breastfed from day one, we contact nap. Any attempts to lay him down on a separate surface etc result in him waking and crying so this is how we go.

However, he’s now 8 months and I am struggling so bad. The past three nights he’s been up every half hour. Every. Half. Hour. I’m dreading tonight. I’m dreading the night after that, and the one after that. I look like an idiot who doesn’t know what she’s talking about when I’m so pro BN infant sleep because look at the absolutely wrecked state of me about to collapse from exhaustion with eye bags the size of Texas. Meanwhile the parents who got consultants in and did variations of sleep training are glowing with all their hours of sleep and their babies don’t seem any worse for wear.

I’m struggling so bad with this sleep deprivation. Can anyone help? Am I missing a trick that doesn’t involve sleep training?

I feel like I’m letting us all down in a weird way by being such a mess example of someone who doesn’t sleep train. :(

After not having slept properly in the 8 months since our third baby was born, and my husband saying that on Mother’s Day he would take the baby so I can have a good lie in, he decided to go out with his friends late last night and null that entirely. He’s now sleeping off his hangover while I’m up first with the baby like always.

We’ve been slammed with bills the past couple of weeks for various things so there’s no money for a gift for me which is fine. But of course my slightly narcissistic mother made a big song and dance about *reminding* my brother and I multiple times what’s coming up this weekend, wink nudge. He lives in another country and is useless so of course it’s on me to arrange. I proposed going halves on a voucher for a massage/ facial place, he agreed, I’ve still not seen that money and it’s now the morning of. I’ve also had to give up half my day to seeing her for coffee and cake, hoping that meant maybe I’d at least be able to get out of the house for an hour or two, to which she’s replied she couldn’t possibly afford that and she’ll come to mine. The irony is ridiculous.

On top of that we have my mother-in-law who I thought I’d cracked the code by sending her or dropping off flowers for Mother’s Day each year when my husband and I got together. More than slightly narcissistic, she has now turned it into a flowers competition and sends me a bigger, fancier, $300-odd set on Mother’s Day too to ‘appreciate me’ when if you knew her, you’d know it’s to make it a competition. Now my measly $40 supermarket bouquets don’t cut the mustard. I thought I could do something more heartfelt and bake her favourite fruit into a loaf for her with a handwritten note, but she’s been telling me I feed my kids rubbish lately and we all need to be gluten dairy and sugar free, so I’d now have to make the loaf gluten dairy and sugar free or she’ll turn up her nose at it. Not really an issue but it’s a less stable recipe. And so the rare moments I’ll get today not feeding a baby or seeing my own mother, I’ll be spending baking a loaf that may or may not turn out okay and she may or may not enjoy even if it does.

My 10 year old son confessed to me last night he and my husband haven’t discussed Mother’s Day at all and he was panicking about what to do. He said he had an idea but wasn’t sure if I’d like it. I reassured him I’ll love anything he gets me because it comes from him. At this point if someone handed me a rock I’d probably weep with joy and relief.

I’m so tired and burnt out and this is meant to be a day of honouring what we do and go through as mothers. Instead it’s more stress than an average Sunday. Is there any way we can opt out. lol

First feed of the morning, me half-asleep, baby latching as we’ve done so many times before with his two new teeth that I delusionally thought would never “chomp”…

Oh my goodness, I truly thought my nipple had been bitten clean off.

My answering yelp woke the whole household.

But, never one to waste an opportunity, I fell straight back into the training I’d so meticulously drilled into myself over the past eight months. Yes, La Leche League book, it was your time to shine. I gave the stern “no!” And ended the feed, thinking we would lock eyes and have an unspoken communication and this would be a real learning moment and would never be repeated again.

Baby barely heard me. Decided he wasn’t so fussed anyway, despite all his dramatics and wailing and trying to get latched in the first place, and happily crawled away making excited noises to start the day.

Meanwhile my 2-year-goal is flashing before my eyes and suddenly the mastitis-causing breast pump doesn’t seem like such a bad idea and I have no idea how I’ll get through the head-bumps or the overtired moments or the midnight comfort wakes without nursing. Cue the tears. From me, to be clear, not baby, who is still oblivious.

Minimal physical damage. Much emotional.

How did y’all handle this?!

Am contracting to a marketing agency but it feels structured more like employment. Have been paid $25 per hour for a year. I was asked to take on more duties and step into an account management role. I tried to negotiate a higher rate but was told because the work is consistent it’s a lower rate and justified by my lack of experience before this. We negotiated to $27/h for this ongoing project and I’m now sub-contracting. (Edit to add the $25/h was also contracting, I’m now sub-contracting as the agency hold the contract with a client and are contracting it out to me). I still come into the office each day. I don’t do any other work.

It genuinely is good experience and opportunity but I’m struggling with the pay factor. I’m not close enough with anyone else in-office to ask their pay rate.

I also don’t want to be conceited. I spoke with my therapist about this and when I mentioned $40-$50 an hour being more fair for this kind of work she was shocked and didn’t seem to agree then moved on.

Any thoughts appreciated.

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