u/Dasea7

My barber would grab portions of my hair between his fingers then use what looked like a double sided razor to then go inbetween the hair strands and “chop” or “slide” from the tip to root. I just assume it’s called thinning but after looking it up it seems people talk about thinning shears which i looked up and he didn’t use that. Was mine thinned more aggressively? It feels so light and lifeless right now compared to how my hair usually feels.. I really want it back to normal

I thought my brain chemistry changed. For months, I was feeling so human. I was depressed and lonely but I was so in tune with my emotions, the most I ever have been. I had insanely high empathy and could articulate my friends’ emotions better than they could at times (I was literally told this). I could cry listening to songs that were just instrumental. I could cry at simply seeing other people’s relationships with their partners, friends, or family, even pets. I just loved the beauty of what it meant to be human. The suffering and the love. I was even proud to be suffering from depression for the first time in my life, as it meant I was human.

But now I feel like i’m slowly fading back to who I was. Like I am no longer overwhelmed with what it means to be human. What happened to me? Can I go back? Is this nervous system messing with me, and will it ever stop? I miss feeling capable of deep love and grief

My first ever psychiatrist appointment is scheduled for 5 days from now. But this is bothering me a lot. I’ll give a quick timeline for context:

January I started crying more than I ever have in my life, I was feeling unfulfilled but not sure why really.
February I continued crying over songs, tvshows, tiktoks, etc. But it was over stuff relating to close friends, significant others, a dog and their person. That kind of stuff. I realized I was longing for connection.
April I became depressed because I realized I’m so socially incompetent idk if I will ever change. And I won’t be able to make friendships like I want or find a loving relationship.
Now it’s May and I’m no longer depressed or lonely but it feels so wrong. Nothing external changed. I suffered for months and nothing came of it. Internally I miss that depressed feeling. Crying felt good if I’m being honest, because for the first time in a long time I felt fully human. I felt like a kid again. I felt more empathy for others than I ever had. Now I feel a bit numb. Chatgpt says it’s my nervous system and brain overcompensating for the depression I went through but damn this hurts now too. But not to my core, which is why it bothers me. I want to feel deeply again

I’ve been depressed, like the worst I’ve ever been, for the last 4 months. Absolutely nothing felt fun, and it was purely done to get me out of my own head. But now I’m thinking on what used to make me borderline suic*dal, and it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. Looking at my journal and seeing the things I have saved like “I’m so disgusted with myself” and I’m wondering… why? But this doesn’t feel right. Like am I betraying myself by not locking in and changing drastically? Will the depression return and be worse than the first time around, because nothing changed? It was brutal because of loneliness tbh. And I managed to make some new friends last week , I think that might be what is getting me out of my depression but it still feels unearned

Got my haircut and asked for texture but i’m certain they used thinning razor. My hair is naturally fine so density is my strength but now with hairs all different length it feels a lot less dense.

Should I grow it out for 2 months then cut as regular (no thinning this time). Or Grow a month cut, grow a month, cut, etc??? What’s the best option?