u/Dazai_Chuuya2

I’ve been vaping more heavily lately I mean 70% juice in like 30 hours I need help. I already had a cough from when I was sick but now it’s so much worse. I can’t believe I’m saying this on the internet but when these coughing fits happen it’s so bad that I end up peeing myself every time no matter if I just went to the bathroom. I’ve cried begging my mom for cough syrup she denies and won’t give it to me. I have no choice but to sit here in shame and pain. It hurts so bad I feel like I could cough up my lung. I can’t even put the vape down either like I just need help but I can’t ask. My mom knows I vape she knows exactly why this is happening and she’s mocking me about it.

I’ve been away from practicing for a while because my mental health has honestly been pretty rough lately. I kind of lost motivation and energy for everything, including religion/spirituality, but recently I’ve been wanting to like find it again yk

I feel overwhelmed trying to jump back into everything all at once. I want to rebuild that connection in a healthier and more manageable way this time.

For people who have gone through something similar, what would you recommend focusing on first when coming back to practice? Simple prayer? Offerings? Learning more? Building a routine? I’m really lost here.

I know my teacher is disappointed he asked if I was going to meet anyone in the bathroom (I knew they were in the bathroom but it wasn’t planned) I said no he let me go I was high and all when I came back he said I’m disappointed in you I giggled until he said it the 4th time and I got upset and now I feel like he’s mad at me I’m on a restricted hall pass I use to show up like that all the time but he knew I was trying to quit.

If a student did this to you how would you feel?

When I was little I’d often get yelled at (in my terms yelled at but I’m sensitive to harsh tones). They’d (adults/teachers) tell me to stop crying in the middle of a panic attack and scold me. Some even would back me against a wall and scold me that way, it freaked me out. Seemingly with nothing wrong with my behavior, one time I knocked to loud while a teacher was teaching for example. I was around 7th grade when this happened and 9th too. Im in 10th now for reference.

Since 7th grade I’ve learned to not open up my emotions, I had a very high wall built up for so long. Back then I was an in iop program (outpatient for mental health). I was sobbing and randomly when the therapist walked out I stoped crying like full stop. Only because I’ve learned that way it felt like an inconvenience for the therapist well what I told myself. That was the first time I got called manipulative and attention seeking.

I’ve been in and out of hospitals and different situations from when I was younger. (I’m saying younger as in 11-15) throughout those experiences I’ve gotten really good on what I’ve needed to say to get out of certain situations. I also know what I need to say to get into certain situations but that doesn’t happen unless I’m desperate. Desperate as in I do not feel safe with myself or with adult supervision.

My emotions can go from 0-100 basically in seconds, but adults think it’s random. More often than not once I start crying I can’t stop for hours if I do stop it starts back up again very easily and within a few minutes. I feel like I’m too unstable to stay in class. Anyone can say or do anything unexpectedly at any time.

My parents think I might be high functioning autistic. I have texture problems with food and clothing, “behavior issues” as in talking back, but to me it’s not talking back it’s just I say things that I feel are needed to be said. I can’t keep my mouth shut. I don’t pick up on social clues and I can’t genuinely can’t emphasize with how others feel. Lights, people and noises are too much for me if I’m already overstimulated and I shut down. I also shut down on getting questioned specifically by adults.

I don’t go and ask for help unless I really need it. While yes those walls are coming down they are still up. Everything builds and comes down at one time. Due to this I often get labeled as attention seeking, manipulative. When I do ask for help. Sometimes even when I’m talking.

I’m in this one class. The teacher is super layed back shows movies all the time. I often stand with my friends and talk at a low volume. She called that behavior in the meeting attention seeking.

Another example is in history I ask questions related to the topic about what my teacher thinks with said topics. Example is I asked him if he thinks we’re repeating history (USA), and what he thinks about 18 year olds going to war but they legally can’t get cigarettes. After that he stoped calling on me for anything, like if I needed paper (he keeps it in his desk) or even as simple as can I plug my iPad in. He considers this attention seeking, well I think. There’s genuinely no thoughts behind his eyes I don’t think he’s conscious yet 💀.

Has anyone else run into this in school?

(Im also OFFICIALLY diagnosed with ADHD, Clinical Depression, and Anxiety with social anxiety)

[removed]

So my school has always told me go to the teachers like a trusted adult if anything happens or smt and now like most of my teachers after a while say oh I don’t want to hear about it ignore me or just ask if it relates to class I wanted to show my coding teacher my Minecraft house and he just said is it about coding and I was like kinda since Minecraft is a game that obviously has had to be coded and he said I don’t think so and ignored me like at this point it’s like whatever they don’t like it when I text my mom when I’m having trouble but then they don’t care or wanna talk to me

So back a few years ago I used to age regress I did kinda until like October of last year because my “friend” made fun of it called it age play and spread that rumor to my friends so I stopped but yesterday I was like making slime and it was a mess so I decided to just play in that mess and I didn’t care like what happened I wasn’t trying to stay grounded yk just letting myself have a moment and it felt good and I’ve been happier since and I just don’t know it kinda felt like that again and now my brain is like more and it just sucks cause I don’t want to give into it but at the same time I do after I thought to myself at my grown ass age I shouldn’t be doing that I like really got into it like giggling and talking to myself 😭😭😭 my friends made a big deal about it in the past they would yell are you larping which I guess means joking and they would constantly put me down so it doesn’t feel allowed and every time my brain wants it I hold back and it’s hard to let go again when my guard is up I feel like that was just a moment of weakness