u/DazzlingAffect1912

My body hurts 😭

One of classes is in a large lecture hall. There is a box of lost and found with jackets, water bottles, chargers, etc. and I would like to take things. I think that if you have given enough time for the owner to get it, you should be allowed to take it if you want.

For a while now I kinda freak out every time my partner uses the shower and I am in the bedroom. We've talked about how she masturbates in the shower (I just learned this overtime I didn't ask) but not often. and all I can think about when I'm in bed as this happens is imagining her doing that but I can't know because I can't differentiate anything over the noise of the shower.

I get so angry for some reason and it's so bad I have to get up and go to the living room to calm down.

It makes me feel gross and manipulative.

Hiia, my partner and I are wanting to attend a concert but all they have available is standing room only. I can't stand in one place for more than a few minutes, let alone a few hours for the concert. I have reached out to the venue to see what accessibility options they have but I don't have a wheelchair and I worry that that's all they will be able to offer is wheelchair accessible options.

I have compression sleeves that help some, and thc/cbd which helps a lot but I just worry it won't be enough. Does anyone have any suggestions or recommendations? I really want to go to the concert.

I (f21) had a horrible episode last night, the only one I've ever had worse was after I was assaulted. I just started driving and refused to tell my partner (f25) where I was going. I simply wasn't there when she arrived home. She freaked out, all my friends tried to reach out, my partner got my mom's number and even she tried to call. I worried everyone in my life. I hurt most of them.

I don't even now remember why I did it or what I felt or even parts of what I did. I guess my brain is blocking them out. I just knew I had to get away. I was so scared. All of yesterday I had back to back to back panic attacks and dissociation. My partner did her best to help but was clearly super burnt out. So when she went to the gym I just, left.

It's all my fault. I agreed to a threesome when I didn't want to, and then when we tried I had a panic attack almost immediately. I seperated myself and made myself go to sleep. The next day the panic attacks came back until it broke me and I had my episode.

I'm starting therapy again. I might be able to even get in today. I'm so worried about when my partner gets home from work. She is hurt, she doesn't trust me, she feels like she is living with a child rather than a partner.

This is going to take a while to fix but I don't know how to continue. I personally apologized to everyone involved even those I barely impacted. I reached out to my old therapist and can hopefully get in an appointment soon. I set up Life360 so for the time being my partner can see where I am.

I offered space, she doesn't want it, she wants to be connected to me. I don't know how to navigate that while also knowing I hurt her so bad. We live together so it'd be extremely hard for us to separate anyways.

I'm trying so hard. I feel like a different person than the one who did the episode. I feel like someone else ruined my life and now I have to pick up the pieces.

I don't want to lose her. I've never loved someone like this. We're planning on how we're going to propose. We picked our own last name because we don't like either of ours.

TLDR: I (f21) had an episode where I hurt everyone in my life, my partner (f25) especially. I've taken all the steps I can think of to fix things. She's so hurt and I am scared.

I (f21) had a horrible episode last night, the only one I've ever had worse was after I was assaulted. I just started driving and refused to tell my partner (f25) where I was going. I simply wasn't there when she arrived home. She freaked out, all my friends tried to reach out, my partner got my mom's number and even she tried to call. I worried everyone in my life. I hurt most of them.

I don't even now remember why I did it or what I felt or even parts of what I did. I guess my brain is blocking them out. I just knew I had to get away. I was so scared. All of yesterday I had back to back to back panic attacks and dissociation. My partner did her best to help but was clearly super burnt out. So when she went to the gym I just, left.

It's all my fault. I agreed to a threesome when I didn't want to, and then when we tried I had a panic attack almost immediately. I seperated myself and made myself go to sleep. The next day the panic attacks came back until it broke me and I had my episode.

I'm starting therapy again. I might be able to even get in today. I'm so worried about when my partner gets home from work. She is hurt, she doesn't trust me, she feels like she is living with a child rather than a partner.

This is going to take a while to fix but I don't know how to continue. I personally apologized to everyone involved even those I barely impacted. I reached out to my old therapist and can hopefully get in an appointment soon. I set up Life360 so for the time being my partner can see where I am.

I offered space, she doesn't want it, she wants to be connected to me. I don't know how to navigate that while also knowing I hurt her so bad. We live together so it'd be extremely hard for us to separate anyways.

I'm trying so hard. I feel like a different person than the one who did the episode. I feel like someone else ruined my life and now I have to pick up the pieces.

I don't want to lose her. I've never loved someone like this. We're planning on how we're going to propose. We picked our own last name because we don't like either of ours.

TLDR: I (f21) had an episode where I hurt everyone in my life, my partner (f25) especially. I've taken all the steps I can think of to fix things. She's so hurt and I am scared.

I know this is a BPD episode, I know I would be safe at my gf's/my apartment. I'm just freaking out. Will probably just sleep in my car. I'm too scared of losing her and losing everything. I've had nothing but panic attacks and dissociation all day and it was wearing down on her. I know I'm fucking hurting her

god help me

I am trans, I have bpd, and I'm realizing how much my bpd is related to my gender and also my weed use. I am a chronic weed user, it's the only thing that touches my chronic pain (that's a whole other can of worms). When I get very high my brain freaks out the littlest bit and dissociates. I feel almost like a different person, I think of that person as my "high self" and they feel different from my actual self. To me this is all a derivative of my bpd symptoms. Mainly lack of identity and dissociation.

Another interesting part is the "high self" tends to feel different, gender-wise. I am genderfluid and vacillate between woman and nonbinary (this is a simplification and it's actually more complex but that's the general idea). The "high self" is consistently more on the nonbinary side of my gender which is really interesting. Especially when it comes to trauma.

To not go into much detail I had a lot of traumatic events back when I only saw myself as a woman. So a way my brain can combat that trauma is to send myself into the "high self" as it feels different than the me who actually experienced the trauma. A friend said something that accidentally made me think of my abuser and I watched myself "change" to protect myself.

I don't really know what I wanted out of this post. I guess it's something I needed to get off my chest and verbalize it in some capacity. I always worry this is all in my head and I'm just--making it up or something. I don't really know what any of this means. I want to see if anyone has similar experiences or at least can understand and not think I'm crazy.

Love yall!