u/Dear_Current7625

I have been in a relationship with the host(m24) for around 2 years and have recently acknowledged my feelings for his sole other alter (persecutor turned protector). My partner is very understanding as he "expected this to happen as some point" his words.

We have always been completely honest with one another regarding this alter as he only fronts once per week for a few hours and me and him play games try food etc, this is due to headaches they get from switching and the alter building trust with my partner due to years of bullying and resentment. They don't paticularly like eachother but get on significantly better than when I first met them each (previous stuff including physically hurting the body before switching back with my partner).

My partner and I have agreed that I am ok to progress with a relationship with the alter but that he doesn't want to know about specifics.

Although I know my partner is ok with it I'm struggling as I feel guilty when thinking about things like kissing the alter which has meant we're kind of stuck in the cuddly friends phase despite us both wanting more.

The alter has had feelings for me and made it clear a few months into my and my partners relationship. He has said he will go at my pace and won't push anything. I think he's worried about scaring me off because I know his history of being a persecutor and what he's done. Personally I only view him by the person I've come to know and love not by what hes done protecting the body from harm in the past.

I suppose what I'm asking is how do I get over this feeling of guilt despite having both of their permission? I love them both so much and I think I'm just terrified of accidentally hurting my partner by doing something he's said he's ok with and him changing his mind.

Hi everyone would appreciate any insight from parents or anyone been in a similar situation. Sorry this may be a long one but I want to ensure I make it balanced not biased to me. Apologises if timeline is confusing.

So I(f20) am struggling to navigate an adult relationship with my parents mam(f41) and dad(m44). Since going to uni last year there has been a lot more conflict between me and my parents specifically my dad. My dad has stated he thinks its my partners(m23) fault because I "wasn't like this before uni". I admit I have matured and changed a lot at uni navigating living with 7 other people and doing things like bills etc. I learnt very quickly at uni the best way to solve arguments before they start is to have conversations and ask for clarification rather than letting resentment build. Me and my partner have a healthy relationship and share the belief it should be you and the person against the issue not eachother.

Over the summer this lead to arguments constantly between me and my dad because I called him out and tried to dicuss things I didn't agree with including how he treats my mam, his nightly drinking (4+ beer cans bed by 6pm) and my personal issue of his neglect of my fish.

Examples of arguments including my dad making a sandwich and calling my mam a "stupid b**ch", while she lay on the kitchen floor trying not to pass out, she was making a hot water bottle for her pains. I said I was disgusted in his behaviour and I don't care how long your with someone you should never leave them when their suffering regardless of if you think it was self inflicted. He argued "after 20+ years you know when its serious" we didn't speak for 2 days.

Similar argument over my fish he looked after while I was at uni. I lost 18 healthy young fish in 6 months. I expected to loose a few due to old age but they're still kicking the ones that died was due to lack of consistent maintenance. I have 3 years aquatics and my oldest fish are 12, an Advanced Technical Diploma in Animal Management and am doing a Zoology degree. I can not agree with my mam that my dad isn't to blame when over half my tank died.

Anyways my dad lives separately as of march due to my mam, sister and I having a conversation where we agreed his drinking was upsetting everyone not cause of the amount but because he wasn't bothering with anyone because of it. He was kicked out for 1 day in November for the same thing but my mam felt bad and let him back so wasn't till march it became permanent.

After getting diagnosed with AuDHD(autism and ADHD) in January, I realised a lot of things including I can be blunt, I think purely logically and not emotionally, I hyperfixate on passions and talk about them a lot to share my passion. I've realised all of these traits have caused issues with my parents as their more emotional thinkers. Eg I got free cat food and hyperfixated telling them loads of facts about nutrition etc. My parents took this as "disrespectful and like your taking over. You we're acting like your better than us because you've been to college. We've had animals for 40+ years", my mams words from my conversation with her this monday.

Me and my mam had a conversation on monday as I'd upset my dad over the weekend. He asked to pick me up from uni when I finish and I said I'd check with mam. This lead him to ring my mam who informed me I'd made him feel like a 2nd option and he wasn't good enough. I explained I didn't mean it that way and I just wanted to check she hadn't booked time off like she said. My mam guilt tripped me with things like "he's your dad you only get one of those" to try and encourage me to ring him. I reminded her i would not call him as I'd already set the boundary for my own mental health i wouldn't call or message him but would respond and answer if he contacted me, plus won't be in the room if he's drinking. I reminded her this was due to my anxiety around conversation turning into arguments (which was made worse by this lift from uni situation). I explained I'm in counciling to reduce my resentment and work on finding a communication style that will work with my parents but admitted it can't just be from my side that reflection is done. My mam agreed we need to communicate better but made it seem like I need to work on not being blunt, too passionate and try not to upset my dad so often. I left the conversation feeling like I was being asked to mask my autism and baby my dad in a sense. I said what would be beneficial is if they get offened to tell me and ask what I ment. That way I can known when I've done wrong, apologise and explain what I was intending.

What I'm trying to ask is how do I avoid future conflict with 2 different communication styles? Should I continue as i am taking accountability for my own actions and calling them out on what i don't agree on or do as my mam suggested and work on become less blunt and not share my fixations with them?I just want us to all get on but feels like I'm the only one doing the work. TIA

Hi everyone would appreciate any insight from parents or anyone been in a similar situation. Sorry this may be a long one but I want to ensure I make it balanced not biased to me. Apologises if timeline is confusing.

So I(f20) am struggling to navigate an adult relationship with my parents mam(f41) and dad(m44). Since going to uni last year there has been a lot more conflict between me and my parents specifically my dad. My dad has stated he thinks its my partners(m23) fault because I "wasn't like this before uni". I admit I have matured and changed a lot at uni navigating living with 7 other people and doing things like bills etc. I learnt very quickly at uni the best way to solve arguments before they start is to have conversations and ask for clarification rather than letting resentment build. Me and my partner have a healthy relationship and share the belief it should be you and the person against the issue not eachother.

Over the summer this lead to arguments constantly between me and my dad because I called him out and tried to dicuss things I didn't agree with including how he treats my mam, his nightly drinking (4+ beer cans bed by 6pm) and my personal issue of his neglect of my fish.

Examples of arguments including my dad making a sandwich and calling my mam a "stupid b**ch", while she lay on the kitchen floor trying not to pass out, she was making a hot water bottle for her pains. I said I was disgusted in his behaviour and I don't care how long your with someone you should never leave them when their suffering regardless of if you think it was self inflicted. He argued "after 20+ years you know when its serious" we didn't speak for 2 days.

Similar argument over my fish he looked after while I was at uni. I lost 18 healthy young fish in 6 months. I expected to loose a few due to old age but they're still kicking the ones that died was due to lack of consistent maintenance. I have 3 years aquatics and my oldest fish are 12, an Advanced Technical Diploma in Animal Management and am doing a Zoology degree. I can not agree with my mam that my dad isn't to blame when over half my tank died.

Anyways my dad lives separately as of march due to my mam, sister and I having a conversation where we agreed his drinking was upsetting everyone not cause of the amount but because he wasn't bothering with anyone because of it. He was kicked out for 1 day in November for the same thing but my mam felt bad and let him back so wasn't till march it became permanent.

After getting diagnosed with AuDHD(autism and ADHD) in January, I realised a lot of things including I can be blunt, I think purely logically and not emotionally, I hyperfixate on passions and talk about them a lot to share my passion. I've realised all of these traits have caused issues with my parents as their more emotional thinkers. Eg I got free cat food and hyperfixated telling them loads of facts about nutrition etc. My parents took this as "disrespectful and like your taking over. You we're acting like your better than us because you've been to college. We've had animals for 40+ years", my mams words from my conversation with her this monday.

Me and my mam had a conversation on monday as I'd upset my dad over the weekend. He asked to pick me up from uni when I finish and I said I'd check with mam. This lead him to ring my mam who informed me I'd made him feel like a 2nd option and he wasn't good enough. I explained I didn't mean it that way and I just wanted to check she hadn't booked time off like she said. My mam guilt tripped me with things like "he's your dad you only get one of those" to try and encourage me to ring him. I reminded her i would not call him as I'd already set the boundary for my own mental health i wouldn't call or message him but would respond and answer if he contacted me, plus won't be in the room if he's drinking. I reminded her this was due to my anxiety around conversation turning into arguments (which was made worse by this lift from uni situation). I explained I'm in counciling to reduce my resentment and work on finding a communication style that will work with my parents but admitted it can't just be from my side that reflection is done. My mam agreed we need to communicate better but made it seem like I need to work on not being blunt, too passionate and try not to upset my dad so often. I left the conversation feeling like I was being asked to mask my autism and baby my dad in a sense. I said what would be beneficial is if they get offened to tell me and ask what I ment. That way I can known when I've done wrong, apologise and explain what I was intending.

What I'm trying to ask is how do I avoid future conflict with 2 different communication styles? Should I continue as i am taking accountability for my own actions and calling them out on what i don't agree on or do as my mam suggested and work on become less blunt and not share my fixations with them?

I just want us all to get on but I feel like I'm the only one doing the work TIA