u/Dear_Elise

EDIT (at the top because I want people who commented to see this) I have read every single comment this morning. Sadly, I wish I could reply to everyone but I am a bit short on time. I really want to thank everyone though because I woke up this morning, reading your comments and I genuinely feel so much better! To know it's the world that's crazy and not me, that others also experience this and it’s not just a me thing, and on top of all the warmth and compliments received, I'm ready to kick back in harder! I guess I just needed a pat on the back and hear that it's fine and I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I will consider working on strenghtening my own mental health and not let others' negativity impact me this badly. Thank you very much guys 💕. There sure are a lot of good people online, still.

I am pretty tall (177cm)

I am lean.

Not the most curvaceous woman. Built like a box of cereals.

And I have sharp features.

But despite that, I dress hyper femininely.

I love femininity. I love flowers. I like pink. I like skirts and all types of accessories, like thrills and ribbons.

But lately, I keep noticing a recurring problem.

People commenting on Insta "lol, you look like a man bro"

Or people asking me on reddit if I am trans.

(Photos on my profile and on my IG. Linked on profile).

I kept wondering why? Do I really look like like a man?

And then I asked someone who once asked me this inane question, and they told me "you dress very femininely and cutesy and usually it’s trans people who dress like this to prove their feminity".

First and foremost, love the dolls, they are beautiful. And I think trans-vestigation is reaching the boundary of insanity and general psychosis but on top of affecting a tiny minority who's asked nothing but to be able to exist, I feel like this is going farther than that at this point.

Having to confront these questions make me lose a confidence that I slowly built up for years. As someone who has been suffering with dysmorphia forever.

And this has put me in a spot in which I'm starting to question everything about myself and the femininity I embrace.

I'm starting to question whether I should keep wearing skirts or not. If I am still in the right to like pink and maintain my curated feminity. Should I just stop. Wear jeans and sneakers?

My self-love is crumbling down and these past three evenings, I just keep feeling really down because of it.

It might be very superficial but I hold great value to my look, as much as I do with my intelligence.

I'm not your typically 'beautiful, plump lips, shiny hair, dotted nose, insta girly' but I need to love my one and only body.

I -need- to feel pretty.

For a fact, just awhile ago, I felt like, when people looked at me in the street, it was because I was tall, perhaps attractive, seemed confident and looked well-dressed.

Now I feel like it’s because everyone is questioning me, judging me. Almost daring me to prove who I am.

And all of this is starting to make me feel some sort of... slowly-growing disdain towards my body.

Not the "oh i'm so fat tonight", "shit my hair sucks"!.

But more like "something has to be wrong about you. But you can’t see it".

Sorry for the rant. Had to get it off my chest. (Also sorry for the typo in the title, I just learnt that it’s spelt "femininity")