u/Deep-Summer-6946

I booked an abortion in one week. I can’t live like this.

I’m 9 weeks with a baby that was wanted. Since about 5-6 weeks, I’ve had relentless and severe nausea 24/7. I feel like I’m constantly on the cusp of throwing up. It never stops. I wake up during the night because of it. Everything tastes HORRIBLE - even water - and I struggle to eat anything because I’m so completely repulsed by the sight and smell of all food. My GP has me on b6 and doxylamine 3x a day. I take Ondensetron/Zofran wafers when I’m extra desperate. I’m taking everyone’s advice - eating bland and salty food, eating little bits every 2 hours even if I don’t want to, taking electrolytes. But I feel like I’m going to die. Im so weak and dizzy all the time. I constantly have a headache and blurred vision. I’m sorry for being dramatic. I feel like if this doesn’t kill me, I will end up killing myself. I’ve never in my life been this unwell or suffered like this, and there is NO relief.

I feel like I’m being poisoned and there’s no way out. I’ve become a recluse; I don’t go outside now unless I am working because I genuinely can’t tolerate being upright. I’ve stopped talking to my friends because I’m such a miserable person to be around and talk to at the moment. It’s a mission to get through my work days, but I’m lucky my job is very easy and I get to work 2 days at home, where I just sleep. Any time I have to myself lately I spend in bed.

Physical problems aside, my mental health is extremely bad and I fear for what I might do. I’m a shadow of myself. I have completely lost all happiness and hope for my life. I just want this suffering to end. My partner is going to hate me forever. And I think I will hate myself as well.

I’m 9 weeks with a baby that was wanted. Since about 5-6 weeks, I’ve had relentless and severe nausea 24/7. I feel like I’m constantly on the cusp of throwing up. It never stops. I wake up during the night because of it. Everything tastes HORRIBLE - even water - and I struggle to eat anything because I’m so repulsed by the sight and smell of all food. My GP has me on b6 and doxylamine 3x a day. I take Ondensetron/Zofran wafers when I’m extra desperate. I’m taking everyone’s advice - eating bland and salty food, eating little bits every 2 hours even if I don’t want to, taking electrolytes. But I feel like I’m going to die. Im so weak and dizzy all the time. I’m sorry for being dramatic. I feel like if this doesn’t kill me, I will end up killing myself. I’ve never in my life been this unwell or suffered like this, and there is NO relief.

I feel like I’m being poisoned and there’s no way out. I’ve become a recluse; I don’t go outside now unless I am working because I genuinely can’t tolerate being upright. I’ve stopped talking to my friends because I’m such a miserable person to be around and talk to at the moment. It’s a mission to get through my work days, but I’m lucky I get to work 2 days at home, where I just sleep. Any time I have to myself lately I spend in bed.

My mental health is extremely bad and I fear for myself. I’m a shadow of myself. I have completely lost all happiness and hope for my life. I just want this to end. My partner is going to hate me forever.

I’m sorry how dramatic this sounds but it feels true.

I’m almost 9 weeks with a baby that was wanted.

Since maybe week 6 or 7 I started developing nausea. As time has gone on, it’s gotten worse and worse. It’s deep, severe, and debilitating. I’m not actively vomiting but I’m constantly on the verge of it. I can never get a break from it no matter what I do. It’s 24/7 and it’s horrible.

My GP has given me b6 and restavit (I’m in Australia) which I’ve been having 3x a day. I have ondaneston at home but I haven’t used it as my GP said it is a risk for heart defects if used in the first trimester.

I’ve been eating as soon as I wake up and every 2 hours or so as instructed. I have dry crackers or toast. I’ve been eating what I can tolerate which isn’t much. I’ve been forcing electrolyte ice blocks because I know I’m very dehydrated. The smell or sight of food is literally repulsive. Food also tastes absolutely disgusting for me at the moment. Even water tastes disgusting and makes me want to vomit.

I feel so bad for my poor partner as well. It’s like I’m also repulsed by him and don’t want him near me or touching me.

I’m being woken up all night from the nausea. I work full time and it’s an absolute struggle right now. As soon as I come home I basically put myself into bed. On my days off, I don’t leave my bed at all.

Before all this, I was a high level athlete, training for 3-4 hours a day and competing. And now I’m basically bed bound and incapacitated.

I feel so depressed and hopeless. I am not happy anymore at all. I can’t even bring myself to talk to my friends or family. I feel isolated and alone like no one understands me. Everyone just keeps saying “oh well, it will pass”.

I hate feeling this way and it’s getting to the point I feel like I should end this pregnancy and never have children for the rest of my life. I don’t feel bonded to this baby at all and it’s terrifying me that something is wrong with me. One of my biggest fears in life is being a bad mother and I feel like I’m already failing at it miserably, and I’m so ashamed I’m having these horrible thoughts towards this child.

I’m sitting here shaking and in tears right now even typing this out. I don’t know what to do. I am suffering so much.