u/Defiant-Ad1123

I have known I was genderfluid for about 4 to 5 years. I have always preferred to look feminine but i want to be a femboy. Like I have never had an attachment to my chest and oftentimes it disgusts me other times I like it. I have waves of wanting to start T and wanting to look more masculine but then again I really like looking feminine. Whenever I am not in a relationship I really just want to be a femboy, like in a trans way. When I'm in a relationship I suddenly feel like I want to be a woman but I don't know if that's just because that's how I feel like I would be loved.

A few hours ago my now ex boyfriend texted me asking if we could talk. I said yeah and he told me he thinks he's gay. Well now the feelings of not wanting to be women are back and I don't know if it's because I still want to be with him or if it's actually how I feel. Because I genuinely have no attachment to my feminine body parts however I don't know how I feel about getting a dick. I'm so damn confused and heartbroken. I don't know and I just want to hear what others have to say.

I want to start by saying I am genderfluid but more feminine presenting and I have a female body. I haven't been with my boyfriend for long but our relationship has truly been the best. He initiated sex with me and kissed me and told me that he made out with me longer than he did anyone else because it just felt so good. He told me everything with me felt so right. He really seemed to be into me. He would get really hard because of me. He would kiss me and hold me tight etc saying how could he not want to because he has a ridiculously hot girlfriend. He would get so turned on because of me, and seemed to truly love me. The way he looked at me, everything, he truly seemed to love me.

He told me tonight over text how he thinks he's gay. Two weekends ago we took a weekend trip together and it was so nice. Well tonight he told me how he was talking to his sister saying how else is overrated and she was talking to him about how he might be gay. He always thought he was bisexual btw. Anyways he said our trip was confirmation. He didn't tell me for almost two weeks after that how he actually felt. When we were together he would brag about me and said he would look at his lock screen which was a picture of me and it made him feel happy. He genuinely seemed to love me so much. I understand that he truly thought he did love me romantically but he said something in the back of his head just felt wrong. He said he didn't want to drag it out and hurt me. He said I deserve better, someone who can treat me amazingly and who actually likes women.

I'm bisexual btw, I used to think I was lesbian. I know what it's like to think something is what I want but it just feels off. I know what it's like but damn it it still hurts like fucking crazy. I'm sorry if this makes no sense I'm just in so much pain right now. Nothing makes sense and it hurts so bad. He always seemed to love sex with me and everything but he said it was overrated. Everything it just feels like a lie. Idk if I can trust anyone again after this. It actually hurts so much I just don't know what to do. He was truly the healthiest relationship I have ever had. It hurts so so bad. I want to erase every memory with him but at the same time I am extremely appreciative of him. I'm sorry this is a mess I am a mess while typing this but please, any kind of advice or anything will help, please. I just need to know how to get over this.

I am female 5'5 and I weigh 150lbs. I also have hypothyroidism and POTS. I struggle a lot to keep motivation and trying to find workouts that work for me. I don't want to get bulky, just slim. I don't want to look in the mirror and get sick because of how I look. I want to be happy but I am struggling with getting the motivation to move my body due to depression and pure laziness.

I don't have any gyms I can go to so I have been doing at home work out videos which gave me amazing results before. When I'm in college (it's currently summer break) I was doing good at going to the gym but then my body decided it wasn't a fan. I was literally only using the treadmill for 30 minutes so I could easily work my way into things. During the day while in class I would get extremely lightheaded to the point I couldn't stand and obviously I can't go to the gym in that state. This is what I'm dealing with and I truly don't know what to do. I would also like to point out that I don't over eat in case anyone is thinking that.

What can I do to get myself to actually exercise and do it safely? How can I get myself to stick to a schedule? How can I get myself to enjoy exercising?

One thing I found that I absolutely love is boxing. It's so fun but I know I'm probably not doing it properly and all the cardio you have to do makes me lightheaded by the time I actually get to the boxing part. I would love to learn more about it but again I need to find a way to do it safely without making myself unwell.