u/DeliPunk

Im a F26, and I have no friends. I seem to get a long well with people when I meet them at work or even when I use to go to school. But nothing ever happened. It was never a friendship and no one ever asked me to hang out with them outside of work. I felt like in the past I was always the one to do it and got tired of it so I stopped and noticed how no one would invite me to things after that. It made me realize how fake those people were so I stopped talking to them.

I tried reconnecting with HS friends but it never worked out. They never saw me as the new person i am today. They still saw me as the same person when I was 16, and claimed they still knew exactly who I was. But it was far from that. It eventually gave me an identity crisis.

I struggle with my family because from extended family I seem to have nothing in common with almost all of my cousins. I don't drink, i dont like sports, I dont go to concerts, I like nerdy things and they dont do that kind of stuff.

Ive been home all week because I took a week off from my part time job because my mental health was really bad. But now it might have worsened it because I realize I have no one to talk to. Even my online friends are never really there for me and only say like a word or two to me every few days.

I don't know how to make friends at my age. I've looked at meet ups but they are all really far or the ones that are close are nothing at all in my interest are age group. Im really suffering from lack of friends and it hurts.

A month ago I had tried to ask out my crush without stating I had feelings for him. But he denied my hang out and told me he had a date that day and couldn't. He told me sorry but didnt explain anything after that.

After he rejected me, a few days after it happened he tried to talk to me at work in person, but failed. He seemed nervous and scared and worried about me. He tried to say something but the words wouldnt come out and Later told me in person "it's nothing just forget about it". I feel so hurt and broken I don't know what to do with my feelings. I want to let him go but my heart just cant do it.

It's been a long month of pain, I see him at work. I can tell he feels awful and still wants to engage with me but gives me space when I need it. He shows signs he wants to be with me in the room but is too terrified to talk about what happened. It looks like he wants to talk about it but cant. Im also too hurt from it to approach him first. I don't know what to do. Things slowly got better between us but neither of us are speaking like friends again yet.