u/Demi_thebanana

A bit of a rant/vent.

I was diagnosed with BPD about over a year ago. A little before that, I was on and off struggling with self harm. When my mom found out about the cutting she would scold me and get mad, but then she gave up and didn’t really care anymore. She knew I had BPD, and even jokes about me being “black and white” or “ruining relationships “ with everybody around me. About 2 months ago, I had relapsed and accidentally hit something that was nearly fatal; don’t worry I am okay now! I had been in the hospital for about a month. This is where my mom tells the doctor I did it because “I am attention seeking and borderline”, which got DFS sent to our house. Then, has the nerve to blame me for all of this happening and to complain about medical bills.

I’ve been trying to repair relationships, even if these people didn’t remotely seem to care, but it’s hard when my mother is playing the victim although she tells my whole family how much of an “attention-seeker” I am, and how our whole relationship is based off my mental health and addiction.

I can’t help but obsess over feeling like she doesn’t love me or want me to be around, she wanted me to live at my aunts for awhile in the summer, so I did, I missed her but didn’t want to be with her. After this event happened, I’ve been back at her house doing a bunch of group therapy I don’t want to do.

In that time, my best friend had made a bunch of new friends, and it made me really mad, and jealous. It feels as if my friend doesn’t want me around anymore even if she told me otherwise. I can’t help but get protective of her, and extremely mad. I regret what I did that night, I feel like I ruined a lot of relationships.

I don’t know if I broke any rules, but I really wanted to rant. I’ve been really upset and stressed out.