I can't take life anymore.. Trigger Warning
Idk where else to post this, but if it's the wrong place to post it then please tell me where to post it.
Hey, my name is Kathy. I'm a 22 years old trans girl from Colorado. And idk if I can handle life anymore. I hate my fucking terrible ass life so much that my suicidal thoughts are going from bad to worse. I'm so fucking lonely all the time because I don't have many friends and don't have a partner. I have like a couple friends and immediate supportive family but that's it. I'm so jealous of other people who have romantic partners that I basically hate everyone around me that has a partner. All I do with my life is play video games and sleep, I sleep so much because I would rather be unconscious than continue living my terrible fucking life. I also somewhat regret my transition to being a girl, not because I no longer believe myself to be a girl, (I still believe I am a girl) but because I just have to deal with so much societal hate for trans people. And even have to deal with possible hate online and in the dating world. I'm literally scared to go out sometimes because of fear of getting shot for just wanting to be a true girl. And plus I don't think I'll ever really even be a girl because of being born male. I basically have no support system in place because I have so many bottled up emotions and feelings that I don't wanna tell my close friends and family. I tried venting to a friend before I wrote this post and they seemed to just shut down and said that they didn't know how to help me and told me to just go to bed. I also personally feel that I'm very ugly and the people who say I'm pretty are just chasers. Idk what to do about being happy anymore, at this point I'm just super suicidal to the point where I'm thinking about how to accomplish killing myself. The only thing I have going for me is a possible career choice but because of health issues I have to wait like another month and a half before starting school and I can't drive rn because of those same health issues, so I'm stuck at home basically all day every day. Can I possibly have some advice from the people who might actually fucking care to read this far. Idk how to be happy anymore and idk how to keep myself from ending it all soon. Sorry for the rant I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. I could say more but this post is already long enough..
Goodbye everyone, this might be my last post entirely or just for awhile if I don't off myself..
(P.S. please don't tell me to call the suicide hotline, I hate phone calls and I doubt it'll help, I need something more substantial, like more positive friends and support in my life)