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I feel so broken again. I know I made mistakes. I know there were times when I got angry and said hurtful things to him, and I take full responsibility for that. I’ve never denied it. But what hurts me the most is how quickly he gave up on me.

Every time I read success stories, I see words like “abusive” and “narcissist,” and they instantly remind me of the things he used to call me. It hurts so much because I’m already at the lowest point in my life.
He left without saying anything. He left me holding onto our relationship alone after promising me so many things that I trusted with all my heart. I know I’m struggling with insecurities and past trauma. It’s not that I don’t want to change or grow—I genuinely do. But healing isn’t easy when you grew up in a toxic and abusive household.

Just yesterday, my parents had another huge argument. I exploded at my mom because I felt like she ruined our family and pushed my dad to the point where he became so sick from carrying all the responsibilities alone. She never seemed to care about any of us. She’s even spoken badly about my SP and filled our lives with negativity. I’ve reached the point where I’ve completely cut her out of my life. I’m exhausted from dealing with my family, the uncertainty of my relationship, and my ex’s stubbornness and unwillingness to forgive.

Why couldn’t he just understand that I’m human too? This was my first serious relationship. I made mistakes, but doesn’t everyone? He promised me forever, yet he walked away the moment things became difficult. No matter how many times I tried to explain myself, he concluded that I was manipulative and disrespectful. Yes, I admit there were moments when I got angry and said things I regret, but I never intentionally tried to disrespect or manipulate him.

These past few weeks have been filled with overwhelming guilt, shame, and resentment. The saddest part is that this isn’t who I truly am. In real life, I’m a loving, caring, and affectionate person. It hurts that he judged my entire character based only on our conversations through a screen (because we’re long distance) when we hadn’t even met in person yet. I’m tired of waking up every day with anxiety. There were moments when I felt like giving up completely. But despite everything, I apologized as soon as I realized how much I’d hurt him because I genuinely wanted to change and become better. He never accepted my apology. Meanwhile, I forgave him so many times. I forgave him when he said things like “girls are whores” and judged women’s appearances and worth right in front of me. I chose forgiveness because I believed people could change.

So am I really this horrible person? Am I really a narcissist? Deep down, something keeps telling me not to give up. I continue affirming even on the days when I feel like I can’t go on anymore. I’ve survived an abusive childhood, a broken home, being cheated on in the past, and now being abandoned without any explanation. I’ve trusted people with my whole heart, and every time it feels like I’m the one left picking up the pieces.

It feels so unfair.

I don’t believe people are beyond growth. I believe people deserve the opportunity to become healthier, to take accountability, to heal, and to make things right when they’re genuinely willing to change.
I’m tired of hearing people say that someone who’s been labeled “abusive” or a “narcissist” has no hope. I don’t want comments telling me to give up or move on. If people in even worse situations have been able to change and build healthy relationships, why can’t I? Why can’t I have my own happiness too?

Right now, what I truly need is advice on how to forgive myself, let go of the guilt and shame from my past mistakes, stop being affected by what others say about me, and continue becoming a healthier version of myself.

I want to move forward with hope, not fear. I want to believe that people are capable of growth, healing, and becoming better.

I’ve been manifesting my ex for almost 3 weeks now.
A little backstory: we were together for a year. We were in a long-distance relationship and had never met in person because we planned to continue our studies together at the same university this October. Unfortunately, things fell apart before that could happen. The first few months of our relationship were amazing, but eventually we started arguing more often. There were constant misunderstandings, we both said hurtful things, and he accused me of cheating and disrespecting him, even though I never had any intention of hurting him. He called me a narcissist, manipulative, and a hypocrite, despite me never being unfaithful or doing anything behind his back.

I admit that during some arguments I said hurtful things out of frustration, but I always came back, apologized sincerely, and tried to make things right. I also acknowledge that my anxiety, insecurities, and overthinking pushed him away. At the same time, whenever he hurt me even questioning my worth as a woman , I forgave him easily. But when I made mistakes, it was incredibly difficult for him to forgive me. At the beginning of our relationship, he promised me that he would never leave me, no matter what we went through. I trusted him completely. Things got worse after that.

In February, we had a misunderstanding because I misread one of his texts. It was such a small issue, but we ended up going no contact for two weeks. During that time, he told me that our relationship was no longer his priority. I was heartbroken. On top of that, I’ve been dealing with anxiety and growing up in a toxic household where my parents have argued almost every day since I was a child. Carrying all of that alone made everything even harder. Two weeks later, he reached out to check if I was okay. He gave me another chance because I had been in a really bad place mentally. I was so grateful, but something had changed. The spark wasn’t the same anymore. We no longer texted every day, and he stopped calling me by the sweet nicknames he used to.

Even so, I worked hard to become a better version of myself. I tried not to be needy while silently dealing with my family problems. I stopped burdening him with what I was going through because I didn’t want to push him away any further. Since we were still long-distance, I couldn’t physically show him how much I had changed. From February until May, we continued talking casually. We still texted and occasionally called each other, although not every day. It almost felt like nothing had happened between us. Then, on May 8th, everything changed.
He deleted our shared location app and removed my phone number. When I woke up and realized what had happened, I completely broke down. I cried, screamed, spiraled, and begged him not to leave. I sent long paragraphs and called him several times.
The only thing he said was, “I’m tired. I never felt respected as a man.”

Two nights before that happened, I had opened up to him because I wasn’t doing well emotionally. He misunderstood my message and assumed I was trying to start another argument or end the relationship, when all I wanted was comfort. I never intended to hurt him. Eventually, I accepted that I couldn’t force someone to stay. I sent him one final goodbye message. Two days later, he replied.
He said, “Take care, sweetheart,” and “I love you”—words I hadn’t heard from him in four months. That night, we officially ended things. That same night, I started manifesting him using subliminals and the Law of Assumption. I simply decided that he would come back. I let go of expectations because I knew how stubborn and decisive he was.

Then, only two days later, he unexpectedly texted me asking how I was doing. We even had a phone call. It felt like the breakup had never happened.
Although he never mentioned getting back together, I noticed he still cared about me. He even called me by a sweet nickname again, which confused me. I couldn’t tell whether he genuinely missed me or simply missed having me around without wanting to rebuild the relationship. Everything continued like that until June 9th. We had a four-hour phone call, played online games together, and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. But at the end of the call, I made a mistake.

I asked him why he had deleted my number and why he still hadn’t saved it again. He kept avoiding the question and only told me not to overthink it.
I became frustrated because I wanted to know where I stood in his life. For months, I had been living in confusion. Some days he was affectionate, other days we’d go a whole week without speaking. I never knew what we were anymore. I ended the call and cried. The next morning, I regretted reacting that way. I apologized sincerely and told him I was willing to let the question go. He never replied.
I sent a few heartfelt messages, but they all stayed on delivered. I gave him space because I didn’t want to force him to stay anymore. Eventually, I sent one final message. He never responded.

A few days later, I decided to manifest him again because I believed I had manifested him back the first time. However, this time has been much harder. I keep spiraling between hope and doubt. Some days I confidently affirm and let go of the old story. Other days I wake up anxious, crying, and replaying everything that happened. One sentence he said keeps echoing in my mind: “You’re just adding another trauma to my life.” That hurt me deeply because, from my perspective, he also became another trauma in mine.

I never had a peaceful childhood. I grew up in a broken home where my parents argued constantly. My siblings had their own struggles, and as the youngest, I felt like I carried burdens that weren’t mine while trying my best to study hard and break the cycle. Before him, I had my first relationship at 18. It lasted only a month. I believed it was love, gave him everything, and even lost my virginity to him. A week later, he ghosted me, and I found out he had cheated on me with my friend.

This relationship was my second. Because of the distance, we couldn’t be together physically, but we shared intimate moments over the phone. He promised me a future. He made me believe we would build a life together, and that’s why I trusted him with my whole heart. Now I’m exhausted. I’m tired of waking up with anxiety, carrying anger, resentment, and trauma from everything that’s happened. But despite all of that, something inside me keeps telling me not to give up.

I know he isn’t perfect. He’s stubborn, judgmental, and often closed-minded. He struggles to listen when I try to explain my perspective. But I also know he has a kind side, and I truly believe people can change.

So my question is:
Can I still manifest him back?
Is there still hope for us?
I would really appreciate encouragement from people who genuinely believe in the Law of Assumption. Please don’t tell me to move on or find someone else. I respect that everyone has different beliefs, but I’m specifically looking for support from those who understand manifestation.
I believe our assumptions create our reality, and I’ve realized that many of my previous fears, insecurities, and negative thoughts were reflected back into my relationship. I’m choosing to believe that a new story is possible, and I’d love to hear from anyone who has experienced something similar.