I'm ruining my mental health and it's my fault...
I go to therapy every week and I’m trying to work on myself, but honestly I still feel miserable most of the time. The biggest thing eating at me is loneliness. I genuinely feel like nobody wants to be my friend or even really be around me unless they have to. Before anyone says it, yeah, I know I probably sound negative and bitter. Maybe I am. But I also can’t remember the last time something genuinely positive happened in my life. It feels like I wake up, go to work, come home exhausted, distract myself online, sleep, repeat.
I dropped out of college a while ago and now I’m working a dead end job where I’m barely managing to pay bills. I look at other people my age building careers, relationships, social lives, memories, and meanwhile I feel completely stuck. Like I missed some important developmental stage everyone else figured out. I don’t even think I’m especially talented at anything either. I’m mediocre socially, mediocre professionally, mediocre at hobbies. I feel forgettable. I know comparing myself to everyone else is unhealthy, but it’s hard not to when your own life feels empty.
Therapy helps temporarily because at least someone is listening to me for an hour, but afterward I just go back to real life and nothing changes. I still feel alone. I guess I’m posting because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. Has anyone actually managed to turn their life around after feeling like this for years?