u/Different_Log_7753

Fellow FAs, over and over again in therapy from various therapists Ive heard this “sit with your feelings”, “where do you feel it in your body”, “name your feelings” etc. however, i dont think im doing it right ever.

Like i think about thinking about my feelings, there is a wall of sorts that just never breaks. Sometimes it is a little more raw, other times it is very clinical and detached. They simply can never feel it for me OR explain how to tap into it. One came close once when i was able to get to the root cause of the blocking i do for fear of it just overwhelming me to a point that i wouldnt survive the sheer horror of the emotions. So we started doing it with smaller things and instances and some progress is there. But when i really need to, the wall is just back.

Can you share if you ever had success with it? Even partial? Can you share steps you take to get there?

I start with deep breathing, then try to pinpoint what and where im feeling and right there is when it all goes to shit and hell. I will catch myself looking for distractions, reinstate the wall, or intellectualize to a point of exhaustion, or rumination of what if scenarios. So … what gives? Can anyone with our afflictions do it? If so please teach me!

I (40, dx) and my ndx (45) partner of 1 year are at an apparent impasse. I as a woman learned since early on to severely compensate and masked for all my deficiencies and have only been diagnosed a few years back. My partner (male) is not officially dx, but everyone thinks/knows/he suspects and takes it as a fact. He shows all classic symptoms, time blindness, lack of prioritization, executive dysfunction is probably the worst where he knows he should be doing/saying things and just … doesnt. Moreover he is deeply aware of this but when time comes to it, he lets it slide, hope it resolves itself, or acknowledges “this is how it will play out” and he will pay consequences.

He very clearly has been allowed by the society to let the slack fall onto others and thats how he managed to make it this far. He is divorced (very good coparenting relationship with ex and spends daily time with kids), owns his small house that he doesn’t really maintain, etc. so, functioning but look closer and you see the cracks. He has started therapy for the first time in his life last year because he is finally realizing things need to improve. He claims a lot has to do with his kids growing up and he needs to be a better human, and a lot has to do with his relationship with me. Like he knows he fucks those up, many people told him that his lack of apparent care and follow through are just not enough. He and i had those discussions early on and i made my goals and needs very clear.

When did you stop giving second, third, 1000th chances? Walking away is very hard and gutting, but he had started taking me for granted and i fear if i stay ill reinforce this and if i go … i lose another love and unfortunately will maybe become the one that got away but got him to “change”. Has your partner actually changed?

Hey! I havent tried dry mouth due to some meds im taking and also generally used lots of gum/losenges for it. I need to be flavor/fragrance free, and boy do i miss mint. I have cleure and dr bob toothpaste, chlorine bases mouthwash, and unflavored floss. I still have dry mouth and paranoid about bad mouth smell. The only way i know to keep it fresh is saliva production. So.. if you have any gum or anything like that, please share