9DPO, non binary supposedly "radical" reduction but doesn't feel that way. Dysphoric and sad. (UK)
Previous size was around 34HH (UK) but gave up wearing underwire bras months and months ago and have gained weight since so no idea really. They were big and saggy and I couldn't bear to look at them very much so I don't have any before photos. I've emailed the surgery and ask them to send me the ones they took.
I'm non binary/gender fluid and have been dreaming about non flat top surgery for years. Did lots of research and found a surgery in London who had an extensive page on their website about non binary top surgery and seemed really well informed. Had a consultation with a surgeon, he is very laid back and casual but he has good results and was very confident and seemed to understand what I wanted. I showed photos of non flat surgery and said I wanted to have "barely there" boobs that look flat under a tshirt and that I never wanted to need a bra again. He said "I get it" and basically that was that, surgery scheduled for a couple of months later.
This whole time I've been so excited, fantasizing about the freedom, having tops fit me how I want, not feeling the constant wobble with every movement. Surgery day came and I once again showed pictures and reiterated "as small, shallow and self supporting as possible, I want to look flat under a top." He said he might not be able to get me quite as small as the photos I showed but he still said he understood. Operation went fine. I woke up and looked down and said "oh." I was expecting barely there. I was hoping for barely there, for a dramatic gender affirming sigh of relief. But instead I have these insanely projected ski slope boobs that basically look exactly how my old ones did in a wired bra under a tshirt. I hate them.
I KNOW it's only 9 days. I KNOW swelling and drop and fluff yada yada yada. But even with that in mind, I just cannot see how these will end up anywhere near like what I wanted. And I just feel so sad and disappointed and pissed off. The surgeon didn't really discuss incision options outside of lollipop and anchor, no mention of nipple grafting or anything which I've only learned about from this sub. I took out a loan for this surgery and keep thinking I should have just got top surgery. But I didn't want to be totally flat either which is why I went through all of this. Can anyone relate? Any advice? Will they really change much from this?