u/DifficultClick5661

Alright, first a little back story: when I was pregnant, I told my mom I wanted one baby shower but she kept insisting on two - one for her family and one for my dad’s family (they’ve been divorced for about 25 years and both remarried) and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Eventually I told her one for everyone or none at all (I live 7 hours away from my parents and am also doing a baby shower where I live currently with husbands family and my friends). She got mad and said a bunch of nasty things, why do I hate her, she does everything for us, the usual. Around the same time, my twin sister was also mentally exhausting me with her constant negativity and complaining and always being a victim. She makes jabs about people’s most insecure qualities (including my pregnant body and my religious beliefs) and then says she’s just joking. When I finally called her out on it, she said I always make her into the bad guy no matter what and now she feels “unsafe” around me because she can’t be her “true self” and that it’s my fault if I don’t understand her dark/sarcastic sense of humor.

I officially went no contact with them both in Sept 2025, about a month before my son was born. Before that I was getting a lot of silent treatment from them. All I wanted from both of them was the acknowledgement that maybe they made a mistake and blew things out of proportion. Though I know it’s probably unrealistic that I would get that. Twin sister also sent a letter in the mail repeating that she feels unsafe and needs a break from me a couple weeks, but also ended the letter with “oh by the way, I have all of November off work so if you need help with the baby, let me know.” Very contradictory and confusing.

Fast forward to March, my sister reaches out to say our youngest sister was planning on coming to my current town for her bday/4th of July like we did last year, and younger sister asked twin sister to be there. At first I felt like I had to say yes, even though my twin and I are still not talking and she hasn’t met my son yet. I didn’t want to be the reason my family isn’t all together. She didn’t ask how we were doing or anything - just that she wanted to see youngest sister and use my house as the central location.

After stewing over it for a day, I finally convinced myself I don’t have to say yes and sent her a text saying we can go out to eat all together or something and I would be civil but that she was not welcome at my house. I told her if she wanted to talk about what happened, we can, but it won’t be something that happens during youngest sisters birthday gathering and I’m not just going to let her brush things under the rug and go back to normal like she usually does. Time doesn’t heal all wounds.

Anyways, I was home visiting dad & step mom and they asked about 4th of July and if we were still ok with them coming to visit. My step mom asked about current relationship with twin sister and I said we’re still not talking. She asked if she had met my son yet and when I said no, she said “well then this doesn’t need to be the time for her to meet him, we’ll figure something out” which I very much appreciated. We kinda left it alone after that.

Then stepmom texted last night and said twin sister texted youngest sister about 4th of July plans. I know she ONLY wants to see youngest sister, she’ll tolerate seeing dad & step mom but only ever asks to see youngest sister, not dad and step mom. There was a lot of drama when our parents divorced and my sister sided more with my mom but when we got older I realized my dad maybe wasn’t quite as bad as he was made out to be but sister still doesn’t seek a relationship with dad. Step mom and youngest sister said they will try to work out a day where she can go visit twin (she lives about 1.5 hours away from me). I apologized for making things difficult and not wanting son to meet twin sister. Step mom reiterated that she wouldn’t make me do anything I’m uncomfortable with and they’ll figure out a solution that doesn’t involve me and twin sister being together.

All this to say, I still feel guilty for being the reason our family can’t all be together and making youngest sister (19 years old) drive to meet twin sister. But when twin sister originally reached out in March to initially talk about coming over for youngest sisters bday (essentially inviting herself over to my house) things went downhill pretty quickly and she continued to place all the blame on me for always making her the bad guy and making her feel like i am not a safe space for her. She also told me “I haven’t had a chance to tell you but I finally stood up to mom for you and I have talked to her in a couple months either” which felt like “I did this thing for you so you owe me”. And I just know I’m not ready for us to be together and have her act like everything is ok between us and act like a great aunt to my son.

Alright, first a little back story: when I was pregnant, I told my mom I wanted one baby shower but she kept insisting on two - one for her family and one for my dad’s family (they’ve been divorced for about 25 years and both remarried) and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Eventually I told her one for everyone or none at all (I live 7 hours away from my parents and am also doing a baby shower where I live currently with husbands family and my friends). She got mad and said a bunch of nasty things, why do I hate her, she does everything for us, the usual. Around the same time, my twin sister was also mentally exhausting me with her constant negativity and complaining and always being a victim. She makes jabs about people’s most insecure qualities (including my pregnant body and my religious beliefs) and then says she’s just joking. When I finally called her out on it, she said I always make her into the bad guy no matter what and now she feels “unsafe” around me because she can’t be her “true self” and that it’s my fault if I don’t understand her dark/sarcastic sense of humor.

I officially went no contact with them both in Sept 2025, about a month before my son was born. Before that I was getting a lot of silent treatment from them. All I wanted from both of them was the acknowledgement that maybe they made a mistake and blew things out of proportion. Though I know it’s probably unrealistic that I would get that. Twin sister also sent a letter in the mail repeating that she feels unsafe and needs a break from me a couple weeks, but also ended the letter with “oh by the way, I have all of November off work so if you need help with the baby, let me know.” Very contradictory and confusing.

Fast forward to March, my sister reaches out to say our youngest sister was planning on coming to my current town for her bday/4th of July like we did last year, and younger sister asked twin sister to be there. At first I felt like I had to say yes, even though my twin and I are still not talking and she hasn’t met my son yet. I didn’t want to be the reason my family isn’t all together. She didn’t ask how we were doing or anything - just that she wanted to see youngest sister and use my house as the central location.

After stewing over it for a day, I finally convinced myself I don’t have to say yes and sent her a text saying we can go out to eat all together or something and I would be civil but that she was not welcome at my house. I told her if she wanted to talk about what happened, we can, but it won’t be something that happens during youngest sisters birthday gathering and I’m not just going to let her brush things under the rug and go back to normal like she usually does. Time doesn’t heal all wounds.

Anyways, I was home visiting dad & step mom and they asked about 4th of July and if we were still ok with them coming to visit. My step mom asked about current relationship with twin sister and I said we’re still not talking. She asked if she had met my son yet and when I said no, she said “well then this doesn’t need to be the time for her to meet him, we’ll figure something out” which I very much appreciated. We kinda left it alone after that.

Then stepmom texted last night and said twin sister texted youngest sister about 4th of July plans. I know she ONLY wants to see youngest sister, she’ll tolerate seeing dad & step mom but only ever asks to see youngest sister, not dad and step mom. There was a lot of drama when our parents divorced and my sister sided more with my mom but when we got older I realized my dad maybe wasn’t quite as bad as he was made out to be but sister still doesn’t seek a relationship with dad. Step mom and youngest sister said they will try to work out a day where she can go visit twin (she lives about 1.5 hours away from me). I apologized for making things difficult and not wanting son to meet twin sister. Step mom reiterated that she wouldn’t make me do anything I’m uncomfortable with and they’ll figure out a solution that doesn’t involve me and twin sister being together.

All this to say, I still feel guilty for being the reason our family can’t all be together and making youngest sister (19 years old) drive to meet twin sister. But when twin sister originally reached out in March to initially talk about coming over for youngest sisters bday (essentially inviting herself over to my house) things went downhill pretty quickly and she continued to place all the blame on me for always making her the bad guy and making her feel like i am not a safe space for her. She also told me “I haven’t had a chance to tell you but I finally stood up to mom for you and I have talked to her in a couple months either” which felt like “I did this thing for you so you owe me”. And I just know I’m not ready for us to be together and have her act like everything is ok between us and act like a great aunt to my son.