u/Diksup

So I’ve been in adhd meds since I was 9 years old and I’ve been doing worse and worse over the years, now I’m almost 33. I’m on meds for adhd, depression, anxiety, and mood. I’m at the point where I’ve also developed a severe alcohol addiction that is starting to cause fatty liver symptoms. I’ve tried many meds and dosage changes and therapists and I’m still as miserable as ever.
I frequently feel very anhedonic, like I’ll literally sit for long periods of time just trying to figure out something I want to do, and sometimes can’t come up with anything. I spend most of my days off in bed because I really don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone.
SO my point is that the only thing I can think of doing is taking 1-2 years off from working a regular job so I can taper off all of my meds, and focus solely on therapy and staying sober and I’m hoping that it could have a tremendous change on how my brain regulates itself. All of the meds I’m currently on are involved in either increasing dopamine, or directing it to go to the proper places, but after 25 years of tolerance to meds, they don’t even seem to be very effective at all anymore.
Has anyone here done a dopamine detox or reset like this? I tried tapering off of Adderall around 2016-2017, but I had to start taking increasing amounts of Wellbutrin for “extreme irritability and frustration”. Then in 2018 I had a life attempt and I was taken off Adderall completely for about 7 months for liability concerns, and I had a horrible time keeping jobs because I was so tired and unmotivated and irritable. Then I got a new doctor and she put me in Focalin, which has made it easier to get work done but has lost most of its effects in the last 7 years even though I’m on the max dose my doctor will prescribe.
So as far as increasing meds I don’t think it’s an option, it’s up to me to figure out how to become not miserable. So once I get approved for disability I’m going to quit working and taper off of my meds, and keeping my stress level at the absolute minimum I possibly can, and also completely stop drinking. And I think once I can get my job and financial stress out of the way, that will be easier. What do others think of this?
Do any of you know anyone who has ever had to do this after years of medication?

So one of the worst if not the worst symptom of my life issues is anhedonia. It makes everyday miserable and results in spending most of my time in bed. I have few friends and have withdrawn from all of them and all family. I felt like sharing to see if anyone else can relate to me over the background of my issues:

I was started in adhd stimulant meds (amphetamines) when I was 8 and I’m still on similar stim meds today at 32. I started displaying depression symptoms around 13. Today I’m on meds for adhd, depression, anxiety, mood, blood pressure, and sleep. I also have horrible alcoholism that I’ve developed over time to keep the edge off the depression since even meds and counseling over many years haven’t solved the issue. I feel as though the years of psychological medications, mixed with my severe underlying psychological issues have resulted in a severe dopamine dysfunction, where even with medication, my dopamine system seems to be burnt out.

I’m trying to get disability so I can take a year or two off from work to find myself and get my meds and therapy worked out, and get my alcohol under control, and also my severe sleep apnea, amongst other issues; without the financial stress of losing my apartment and car.

Anyone else feel as hopeless and helpless as I do? Good luck to everyone here! Anhedonia can be so miserable that it’s honestly dangerous and makes me think a lot about ending it.