u/Diligent-Ad-6820

Anyone here going to the Baltimore show Monday? My friends can’t make it, so I’m debating going solo even though I’ve never gone to a concert alone before lol

I’m a 28F and have been a Christian most of my life. For context I grew up Pentecostal (UPC). My parents left when I was a young teen but were still very Christian and conservative and I continued to go to Pentecostal churches when I visited my grandparents in the summer. This is all to say Christianity has been fundamental to my upbringing and is very strong in my family (who I’m close too). To be honest I’ve had some beautiful spiritual experiences with Jesus but I was also damaged by purity culture and feeling like I’m never good enough. This past year as I’ve been working on my mental health and self-love journey and I’ve really been questioning my faith. I consider myself spiritual but when I think about breaking free from organized religion it makes me so feel so free and happy. I’ve been getting more into the metal subculture that challenges religious hypocrisy a lot and I feel like I’m finally kind of finding myself. But then I feel intense guilt like I’m disappointing God or the fear that I’m going to burn in hell is strong. Also my family would be devastated if they found out. I want to be freed from religion and finally be who I feel like I’ve always been but I feel like I’m committing a great sin. Can anyone relate or does anyone have advice? Sorry for the long rambling.

I’m 28F and identify as bi, but I’ve always had a very complicated relationship with dating men and I’m wondering if anyone else relates, especially people raised in strict religious environments.

I grew up around the UPC/Pentecostal church and a lot of purity culture/gender role messaging. I was very shy growing up and didn’t even start questioning my sexuality until around 22. I dated and slept with women before I ever really did much with men physically.

With women, emotional and physical connection has generally felt easier and safer. With men, I am attracted to them, but I struggle to trust them and often feel performative or disconnected while dating. I’ve gone on a lot of dates with men from apps, but things rarely progress very far physically or emotionally. I tend to crush on emotionally unavailable or unattainable men instead of developing feelings for people who are actually accessible. I’m 28 and still have pretty limited experience with men physically—to be honest I’ve never gone all the way with a guy—which has become a source of insecurity for me because I worry it’s unusual at my age.

I’ve also noticed that when dating men, I sometimes lose interest suddenly or even feel weirdly avoidant/repulsed, and I genuinely can’t always tell whether it’s lack of attraction or some kind of defense mechanism/anxiety.

Part of me wonders whether purity culture/religious conditioning affected the way I experience attraction, intimacy, and emotional safety with men. I also sometimes feel insecure or “behind” because I have little experience with men at 28.

I’m wondering whether anyone else has advice or insight or if anyone with a religious background or similar attachment patterns has experienced something like this.

I have my dissertation in English Lit due in five months (when my funding ends) and I cannot focus for the life of me. I’ve had a hard time focusing for a very long time now and it’s put me behind. I think it’s that I’ve grown to hate it and don’t feel passionate about my subject anymore. I’ve also have struggled with mental health issues and academic pressure makes it worse. I am on a fairly strong dose of Adderall and try to give myself breaks and try to set timers for study but nothing seems to work. I can’t even focus on reading dense material anymore. The inability to focus gives me anxiety so whenever I approach work I get anxious. Can anyone relate? Or does anyone have any suggestions? It would be much appreciated I’m struggling lol