My long-distance friend (F) relapsed on s3lf-h@rm after 10 months and keeps confiding in me (M). I feel completely helpless because of the distance. what do I do?
So my friend (we used to go to the same school but now different ones + I’m in the UK, she stayed in Sydney) has been struggling for a while. A family member passed away several months ago and it’s still hitting her hard on top of her diagnosed depression. She’s opened up to me a lot. like she says I’m the first person she talks to about this stuff, even though I’m a guy. We got pretty close before I moved. we’d have deep talks on school camps etc,
A while back she told me she’d been clean from self-harm for 8 months but was scared of relapsing. She even said she’ll start therapy next term. I was so fucking proud that she committed to going as she had been avoiding it earlier.
Tonight (her time) she messaged me that she relapsed. I replied when i got out of school but it was like 2am her time so I feel weird about the timing too.
I really want to help her but I feel useless. I can’t hug her, sit with her, or even offer to hang out, walk with her. anything.
She’s joked (but I think almost fully-seriously) multiple times that I need to move back. I don’t want to betray her trust by telling any adults, but I’m also scared I’m not enough and something bad happens. The distance is killing me on this. Maybe it’s a good thing because it gives her someone who she doesn’t have to see with everyday to share things with. And her good friends i’m in contact with do say she’s doing better most days. And they said there were a few dates that were like better than usual which were some of the days the night / morning after we talked for like 3 hours. So i’m really glad i seem to be healing at least a bit.
So I need some advice please.
How do I support her properly from so far away? Should I keep gently pushing the therapy thing? What’s actually helpful to say when she opens up like this? Any girls who’ve been in her position. what would you want from a guy friend in this situation?
Thanks.