not the friends i was expecting in uni
im in my second yr of uni rn (international student) and I have a decent friend group but its honeslty not what I was expecting at all. like for example before moving abroad I was having these expectations of large friend groups going out together on trips, staying over at each other's places, parties together, just overall fun together.
when I got here, im so shook to find out how small the uni actually is in terms of social life. like everyone is connected and u cant do shit without people finding ng out!! FYI im arab f19 and this shit is actually big of a deal esp given majority of international students are arab. im js so tried of feeling stuck and alone despite having good company.
i think it js sucks that im scared to step out my comfort zone bc of rumour and how much it can ac affect me, given my current friend group too - they will view me in a different way and gossip will happen esp bc ive given them the impression of being a 'good girl' and that i avoid this social life and all.
it rly sounds silly to me rn and I do feel like im being extremely dramatic and stupid for feeling like this. its like... I cant do shit in peace without it affecting my image (huge deal esp given the uni is small and everyone's connected) im thinking of js letting it go and hoping for the best to happen. I want memories to look back to. I want peoole to go on trips with. i want to have fun dude but I feel so restricted for some reason.
this is NOT the uni life I was expecting. my friends abroad are having soo much fun dude. thwyre with their chill friends having fun, going out, partying, studying, and overall fun in general. I keep thinking the reason behind this is that maybe if I did have this friend group of my dreams thst maybe smth would've gone wrong. so im thinking that maybe it IS for my own good??? idk 🤷🏼♀️ maybe the universe is protecting me from trouble???? what exactly am I learning from this