u/Direct_Cantaloupe_82

I’m in a long distance relationship with someone I met on a self harm sub on Reddit. He helped me escape an abusive relationship last year.

I’ve confided in him about pretty much everything. He was the first person I trusted in a long time. After things became intimate, he asked me what my fantasies are, even the dark ones. So I told him about my kink, which is free use and being woken up to with sex. I didn’t ask him to do this to me, but I shared an interest in it. At first, he seemed hesitant, but he indulged me during intimate conversations.

I was also sexually abused as a child, specifically in my sleep, and I’d recently accepted that I have a kink that likely stems from that after keeping it a secret and feeling ashamed for years. But with my bf, I finally felt comfortable enough to share it.

After he learned about the childhood abuse, he connected the dots and freaked out. He told me it is fucked up and I need to get a new therapist. Well, my therapist told me it’s not uncommon or anything to be ashamed of.

Well, a week later, I got insecure about a woman he works with and questioned their relationship. He immediately became defensive and said he didn’t care about the opinion of someone who “asked him to abuse her.” He also told me I want to be “fucked like I was by my abuser” and it just broke me.

We broke up. But looking back, he used my biggest vulnerability against me. I feel so ashamed and disgusted. I know deep down that I shouldn’t be, but it has really affected me negatively. Idk where else to post this where others might understand.

Has anyone dealt with this? I finally felt comfortable enough to share this with someone and he used it against me. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever tell anyone again.

I (35f) met my bf (41m) who I’ll call D on Reddit a year ago. I was in an abusive relationship at the time and made a post about being cheated on and abused. As a result, I basically went crazy and hurt myself. I posted on Reddit for support.

He ended up messaging me, saying he’d been through something very similar. From there, he let me vent and gave advice. We kept talking and getting to know each other. He was from South America, so I figured we’d never meet. At no point was he creepy or weird. We would just talk.

After a few months, I was planning on leaving my abusive relationship for good. The last week of the relationship, I left town for a week. This was the longest I’d been away from my bf the entire relationship. During that week, my communication with D ramped up a lot. We started video chatting. We’d text all day and video chat at night, just getting to know each other in motion. We had a lot in common, great chemistry, similar beliefs and morals. The chats became flirtatious and a little risqué. I started falling. And we talked about it. By the end of the week he said he was falling in love with me.

The day I got back from vacation, I dumped my ex. It was messy as it gets, but I got my cat and made it out alive. That was in July of last year.

Fast forward to now. The relationship grew and became intense very fast. In November of ‘25 I flew out to meet him. It was amazing. I thought he was perfect. The chemistry was better in person. I got so sick I ended up in the ER though. He took me to the hospital, translated everything for me, took care of me. He was extremely considerate. We became a couple. I went back in December with a work visa and stayed for two months. We had some fights, but overall, I fell completely in love. I still am. I had some of the best times of my life with him. He took care of me. I met his family. It was like bliss.

But there were issues. I found porn accidentally on his computer. Previously, I’d told him I prefer no porn in my relationships and he agreed to stop, but there it was. I would’ve let it slide, but there was teen porn. He said he didn’t seek it out. I know teen porn is pushed a lot on normal porn sites, so I tried to let it go.

I made a post the other day about a coworker of his who he considers his niece. It’s here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/s/aIlkVy9JPT

Since we’ve broken up, I’ve made a fool of myself. I have bipolar and depression so I tend to get very emotional and erratic. The day after he broke up with me, I made some ominous comments about wanting to disappear. This triggered him a lot and made things worse. He asked for space and I did end up texting. I was in an extremely low place and needed to know if there was any hope.

Anyway, I gave him space yesterday and today. He said we would talk tonight and we did. He said he still loves me and wants to be with me, but he needs space. I said that’s fine. But what are we? Like, are we just single and you’re free to see others? I wanted to establish some boundaries. At first, we agreed we’re still together but we’ll take some space. Then I asked about Facebook (he changed his status) and his tune changed. He said OH GOD, ya know what, we’re broken up.

We left off that he still wants me but needs space. So I’ll give him space this week.

But am I being too pushy? I’m beginning to question the entire relationship. Is it just me? Or are some of his actions questionable? I feel like I’m being played with or punished. Any input?

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. I’m a 35f dating a 41m who lives in South America. We’ve been together for about 8 months. Met online, then I flew to see him in person a few months later. Things were great.

But there’s an issue. He has a 20 yo “niece” who’s really just his friends sons girlfriend. They work together, too. She added me on social media even though we’ve never met. So this is when I felt something was off.

I haven’t brought it up in several months because I thought maybe I was overthinking things. Then today, he started complaining about how an older woman coworker is “corrupting her” and now she is ignoring him. I told him to mind his business and keep it professional. I also wondered, why is so overly concerned with what she’s doing? Why does he care that she didn’t speak to him while they were working?

I told him he seemed very bothered and said it seems like too much. Borderline creepy. And he got very offended by that. He called me pathological, jealous, insecure, and fucked up. He’s acting like I’m trying to get her off, but I was more curious why he cared so much. He said he can’t be with me. So we broke up.

Am I crazy for thinking their situation was weird? That maybe he was too enmeshed with this “niece?”

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. I’m a 35f dating a 41m who lives in South America. We’ve been together for about 8 months. Met online, then I flew to see him in person a few months later. Things were great.

But there’s an issue. He has a 20 yo “niece” who’s really just his friends sons girlfriend. They work together, too. She added me on social media even though we’ve never met. So this is when I felt something was off.

I haven’t brought it up in several months because I thought maybe I was overthinking things. Then today, he started complaining about how an older woman coworker is “corrupting her” and now she is ignoring him. I told him to mind his business and keep it professional. I also wondered, why is so overly concerned with what she’s doing? Why does he care that she didn’t speak to him while they were working?

I told him he seemed very bothered and said it seems like too much. Borderline creepy. And he got very offended by that. He called me pathological, jealous, insecure, and fucked up. He said he can’t be with me. So we broke up.

Am I crazy for thinking their situation was weird? That maybe he was too enmeshed with this “niece?”