u/DirectionWrong7886

To love someone, you have to be brave,

brave enough to confess or brave enough to watch them love someone else.

As fate would mock me,

it has made me a craven, so all that I'm left doing is clinging to the hope that one day you would come and kiss me with a soul-cleaving confession even as you merely yearn for someone else.

Oh, might any soul spare me a fragment of bravery out of pity or else let her longing for that other soul be fulfilled—

Let them kiss before my very eyes, so that I may carve this monstrous soul-slaughtering hopes from within me until nothing of it breathes.

I feel like I'm buried under sand, getting kicked by an abyss over and over while the sun shone bright,

hitting my eyes in the most humiliating way.

I feel helpless. Today and yesterday. No matter what hopes I had for tomorrow, it always ends like this.

Is this how it was always meant to be?

Rage is all I could taste.

Everywhere I go, I wish to destroy something,

especially my bathroom tap.

The sound of the water getting stuck and coming out with rough puffs is nearly mocking.

I want to hammer it's head over and over

until all the pain goes away.

My hands do become red.

I go to bed and what song do I listen to?

Father always comes back home with a bad temper,

Wish I could just mute his voice.

Wish I could tell mother that it wasn't her fault,

she doesn't have to need his validation.

Wish I could fly to another country.

Wish I could bury people who didn't see me for who i am.

I long to press my lips against another, no it wasn't just longing, I feel it everywhere—makes my gut ache every time at the thought of it.

I'd weep into their arms if I ever had the chance, might strain their clothes with my deep-etched desires finding its release while breaking like a dam.

I'd look at them as one looks at the sky after being locked up in the dark for so long that their eyes had forgotten every colour but black.

And when our lips finally meet, it'd be like the last few seconds of a dream.

I can't help but crave an older figure to pamper me and guide me throughout everything. Because my mom never had the maturity and was occupied with her own problems like her OCD and depression, so I had so many parentification experiences. And now I'm lost and idk what to do. I hate being single!! And im touch starved..

I can't help but crave an older figure to pamper me and guide me throughout everything. Because my mom never had the maturity and was occupied with her own problems like her OCD and depression disorder.

My dad, he is narcissistic asf but acts nice once in a while so I feel guilty for hating him. He acts cool towards me whenever our family is around but ignores me after they leave. Takes out his anger on me or my mom(through emotional abuse). Once, his favourite political party didn't win so he used it as a chance to degrade me, and said some horrible things about myself. I can't stay away from him because I'm still dependent on him (still haven't finished school) and there is no privacy at all in my house and I just want to show him how much of a loser he is. But i also don't know if I can be independent after school, I have never been responsible or tried to do things on my own because of my parents way of parenting. It's hard growing up like this, and now he blames me for being too dependent.

BUT I'D NEVER BE LIKE HIM. I WON'T TURN OUT TO BE A FAILURE THAT HE IS EXPECTING.